Is coupling up in year 7 now normal?

[notevenat20]

I expected to be too old to understand teenage relationships when my DC got there. But DS is in year 7 and has told me that lots of boys and girls in his year are coupling up as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then my friend with a DD in a girls school told me the same thing is happening there. As far as I know they are not actually doing anything physical but it seems so young! AIBU?

This was normal in the mid 80s at junior school and early secondary (from about the age of 9-10).

@RedditFreak you don’t have to worry about my patients, I did use my degrees to lead to a clinical role

Lovely that your mum has a masters... so that’s half the question answered. How about the research that backs up her opinion?

[quote Notdeliasmith]@PortraitOfAWoman

When theres romantic and sexual feelings.

Of course it's a blurry line especially when you are a young teen but often people are aware that they are attracted rather than just friends.[/quote]
Yes but the percentage of people who are gay is really very small and has been been to appear more common than it actually is. There is a lot of pressure on kids now to declare their sexual preferences at an age when a lot of it is just a passing crush.

*didn’t

[quote RedditFreak]@Cocomarine

Do you get off of being nasty then do you? She actually obtained a masters in it.

If you're that horrid to someone online. I'd hate to think of what you're like to actual patients.[/quote]
I wouldn’t say I get off on being nasty, but yes - I find some enjoyment in calling people out on posting unsubstantiated nonsense.

My dd is yr 7 thinks she may be gay or bi. I think it’s important to approach the whole idea of their sexuality in a fairly “light” way whether they are gay, straight, gay, pan etc - as in don’t make a huge fuss about it, but remain supportive.

I wouldn’t like a child to feel pigeonholed once they’d “laid claim” to a particular sexuality and not be able to say “oh well actually now I think I’m this” or even not say anything at all but eventually turn up with a partner.

Dd definitely knows it doesn’t bother me which she is though, and that I’ll support her whatever.

It is hardly serious at that age. When i was in year 7 3p odd years ago we used to watch the couples in our year snog while we times them and cheered if they surpassed the 'record' snog length! I waited till year 9 before my 1st snog though.

30

My ds2 is in year 8 and he says he thinks there are 3 couples in his year. There have been more covid cases in his year than in the rest of the school put together though so I think there is more coupling going on than my ds is aware of.

@PortraitOfAWoman

I would frame it differently to you. I would agree with your earlier post that previously people had crushes on same sex teachers etc, and didnt disclose it.

I would frame it more positively though, that people feel more able to discuss it openly rather than they have to hide it. Is there a reason why we should only talk about hetro passing crushes?

This started in year 6 when I was at school. I had two boyfriends in year 6, Dean and Marcus (not at the same time!). I lost interest in the opposite sex throughout secondary school which was probably a good thing, picked it up again when I was 16.

But yeah, year 7 ‘relationships’ are totally normal and almost always benign. They usually end unceremoniously after a month max.

"here have been more covid cases in his year than in the rest of the school put together though so I think there is more coupling going on than my ds is aware of."

Eh? Covid doesn't need very close contact. Being in the same room as someone for a while is enough.

@Cocomarine

I don't deal with people who 'get off' on being nasty to others.

Have a lovely day

Oh and two of my friends in secondary school were gay, they both came out to me in year 8. My best friend knew he was gay from about 11 onwards.

However. At the OP.

It seems quite common in our old school. I suspect they don't even speak to each other. Like they did in our old school. They just class each other as a boyfriend or girlfriend etc!

Good luck!

" the percentage of people who are gay is really very small and has been been to appear more common than it actually is"

Really? Last stats I heard was about 10% for men and a lot less for women. 10% for men is quite high.
What percentage do you think it's been made to appear as?

lots of bi women dont realise they are bi, as its so much easier to get a boyfriend in most cases, and its massively common for peoples preference to turn more to the same sex as they get older. It doesnt mean its a choice as such.

I was at school in the 90s and from about year 4 people had boyfriend and girlfriends.

But I do remember in infant school attending many “weddings” on the playground. 🤣🤣

But way back then we were all pretty innocent, read Enid Blyton and there was no social media and little telly.

But Y7 relationships are innocent, for the most part; or at least they were 30 years ago when I was one. I was almost always ‘going out with’ someone, and so were many of my friends. We never actually went anywhere with them and nor were the relationships physical in any way. I don’t recall having any sort of sexual urges until I was in Year 10 or so. The Y7 ‘relationships’ were fuelled by the idea of romantic love, not sex. This was a very good, small comprehensive in an overwhelmingly middle-class village.

I liked Enid Blyton too but I also loved Anne of Green Gables. Anne was obsessed with romance so I blame her for influencing me! It had nothing to do with social media or telly in my case. The former didn’t exist at the time, and as for the latter, I wasn’t allowed to watch stuff like Grange Hill or Eastenders at that age as my mum thought it unsuitable.

I dislike the implication I’m seeing in some posts that the Y7s in ‘relationships’ are just those rough kids who have been influenced by something seedy. For the vast majority of kids, it is just playing at being grown-ups but without all the heavy stuff.

DH was 19 when he had his first girlfriend - wasn't interested in anything besides sport until then. On the other hand I had a "boyfriend" in junior school - we held hands and sent each other Valentines cards. Didn't start my periods until 15. There is no link.

I dislike the implication I’m seeing in some posts that the Y7s in ‘relationships’ are just those rough kids who have been influenced by something seedy.

Same and that 'middle class areas where most go to university' don't have children who go out at age 11. We certainly did in my tiny middle class primary school.

It's not dirty, it's basically friendship and playing at couples they see in Disney, modelled by parents, TV shows. Couples are everywhere. More than a kiss is highly unlikely

My Y7 still loves Enid Blyton - we’ve just re-read Malory Towers. Difference now vs 2 years ago, is she’ll look at me with a wink and a smile and say, “do you ship Bill and Clarissa? I totally ship them.” (I do too 🤣)

Really? Last stats I heard was about 10% for men and a lot less for women. 10% for men is quite high.

The ONS has different numbers to that www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/culturalidentity/sexuality/bulletins/sexualidentityuk/2017

"We estimate that 4.2% of people aged 16 to 24 years identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual, a higher proportion than for other older age groups. Around 7 in 10 of the lesbian, gay or bisexual population are single and have never married or registered a civil partnership. This reflects the younger age structure of this population and that legal unions for same-sex couples are relatively new. ”

Overall it is quite a lot lower.

Although only 93.2% said they were heterosexual. The reason for the difference is that 4.1% wouldn't say.

I should have posted this above. It's actually a much smaller percentage than I had thought.