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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is coupling up in year 7 now normal?

247 replies

notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:00

I expected to be too old to understand teenage relationships when my DC got there. But DS is in year 7 and has told me that lots of boys and girls in his year are coupling up as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then my friend with a DD in a girls school told me the same thing is happening there. As far as I know they are not actually doing anything physical but it seems so young! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
notevenat20 · 11/12/2020 19:13

Nobody chooses their sexuality.

People are very confident in their assertions on this topic.

OP posts:
weggsdgdf · 11/12/2020 19:29

@notevenat20

Nobody chooses their sexuality.

People are very confident in their assertions on this topic.

Because it's true. Why would anyone chose to be gay when homosexuality is still rife?
Original poster
notevenat20 · 11/12/2020 20:16

Homophobia?

OP posts:
weggsdgdf · 11/12/2020 20:17

Yeah, sorry that's what I meant. Who thinks, hmm, I think I'll be attracted to men today, even though I'm a man and I live in Saudi Arabia where I could be killed for it'.

ArosAdraDrosDolig · 11/12/2020 21:29

The problem with people who assert that sexuality is a choice is that they attach a value judgement to it. The implication is that heterosexuality is the better choice.

I don’t believe that sexuality is a choice. But I’m still uncomfortable with the suggestion that if I could choose, I would as should choose to be heterosexual.

It’s not too far removed from the attitude that was once prevalent towards disabled people. ‘The poor dears can’t help the way they’re born’

Gwenhwyfar · 11/12/2020 21:41

@weggsdgdf

Yeah, sorry that's what I meant. Who thinks, hmm, I think I'll be attracted to men today, even though I'm a man and I live in Saudi Arabia where I could be killed for it'.
Julie Bindel claims she chose to be a lesbian for political reasons. Most people don't choose their sexuality though, I agree with you.
weggsdgdf · 12/12/2020 15:41

@ArosAdraDrosDolig

The problem with people who assert that sexuality is a choice is that they attach a value judgement to it. The implication is that heterosexuality is the better choice.

I don’t believe that sexuality is a choice. But I’m still uncomfortable with the suggestion that if I could choose, I would as should choose to be heterosexual.

It’s not too far removed from the attitude that was once prevalent towards disabled people. ‘The poor dears can’t help the way they’re born’

I'm not saying everyone would choose to be straight but I think in general it's harder to be gay or bi than straight, especially in certain parts of the world. And OP seems t think it's something people should 'decide' when they're in their twenties so teenagers who are LGBT somehow aren't really.
Original poster
notevenat20 · 12/12/2020 16:14

And OP seems t think it's something people should 'decide' when they're in their twenties so teenagers who are LGBT somehow aren't really.

No. My view is that teenagers shouldn't worry about experimenting or that if they do that somehow commits them for life.

OP posts:
weggsdgdf · 13/12/2020 17:52

I don't think anyone thinks it commits them for life. But plenty of people know their sexuality before their twenties.

MistletoeandGin · 13/12/2020 18:05

All the people I know who are gay, were aware of their sexuality from their early teens at least.
Just like many people know they’re heterosexual.
Neither is a ‘commitment’, just an awareness.

Stellaroses · 13/12/2020 18:41

@notevenat20 As others have said, you really don't know what you're talking about with regards to the lgbt stuff... I would have been horrified if my mother had talked like that about my sexual choices as a teen. Early 20s pfffffft!

As for the not being attracted to other men, and choosing not to be attracted... I mean if it works for you, great, but my honest opinion would be that if you think attraction is a choice, perhaps you've never genuinely, fully, sickeningly been attracted to someone? It's NOT a choice!

DipSwimSwoosh · 13/12/2020 18:45

It was normal when I was this age 25 years ago!

Original poster
notevenat20 · 13/12/2020 18:46

As others have said, you really don't know what you're talking about with regards to the lgbt stuff... I would have been horrified if my mother had talked like that about my sexual choices as a teen. Early 20s pfffffft!

As always on MN you have taken an extreme interpretation of what I wrote. I was describing a range.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 13/12/2020 19:51

"I think in general it's harder to be gay or bi than straight, especially in certain parts of the world."

I'd agree in general. However, I've worked in places where it would have been an advantage.

Oopsiedaisyy · 13/12/2020 20:03

My year 7 DD was asked out day 2 of college, and has agreed to go out with a couple of boys. The first she'd never spoken to in real life, only over WhatsApp so ended it. Her current one they talk and go on walks. The idea of going further than a hug brings on a horrified look from her (good). It's apparently very common in her age group.

Oopsiedaisyy · 13/12/2020 20:06

Oh, and she's come out as bi to us and to her friends, but hadn't found any girls she fancies at school apparently. We talked about sexuality as being quite fluid and that she may find her orientation might change over time. She had one boy make a homophobic comment but he was very much in the minority.

Zeetah · 13/12/2020 20:11

One of my childhood friends had boyfriends from the last year of primary school, so age 10-ish. She kissed them but not sure about anything else (I was still seriously innocent & playing make believe horse games). That would have been early 1990s.

She lost her virginity by about age 13/14, thinking back it was pretty wrong as the lad was much older Sad I recall even at the time I thought it was weird but didn’t fully understand Sad

Whenever I hear that Pulp song it reminds me of her, it could have been written about her :

You were the first girl at school to get breasts
And Martyn said that you were the best
Oh, the boys all loved you but I was a mess
I had to watch them try and get you undressed

By early secondary school so age 12/13 many girls had boyfriends and I know some of them had lost their virginity too.

I have a DD now so will be keeping a close eye on her .....

GlitteryGingerbread · 13/12/2020 21:32

I think it’s always happened. My first ‘boyfriend’ was in year 7, he was in year 8 and we used to hold hands on the school bus. He dumped me cos I wouldn’t kiss him 😂 I had a more serious boyfriend for about 18 months in year 9 who was 2 years above me, he would come to my house and my parents would allow us upstairs but only with the door open! We never did anything more than kiss but I was besotted. Aww fond memories really!

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 14/12/2020 00:11

Umm no. Not in our school.

fincr · 15/12/2020 19:59

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

Umm no. Not in our school.
Sure.
louisejxxx · 15/12/2020 20:00

Yes this was normal when I started secondary - often involved hand-holding and flirting at the very most! More serious relationships occurred from around year 10 onwards I guess.

sparklewhynot · 15/12/2020 20:34

It's like an ongoing saga in my house of who is going out with who, who got dumped today...they're only 8 weeks in and it's like a soap opera. I'm obviously out of touch too as I don't remember so much drama in Y7!

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