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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is coupling up in year 7 now normal?

247 replies

notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:00

I expected to be too old to understand teenage relationships when my DC got there. But DS is in year 7 and has told me that lots of boys and girls in his year are coupling up as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then my friend with a DD in a girls school told me the same thing is happening there. As far as I know they are not actually doing anything physical but it seems so young! AIBU?

OP posts:
Dozer · 10/12/2020 07:02

Just playing at it? Do the ‘couples’ spend time with or even talk to each other?

TableCat · 10/12/2020 07:03

I'm 37. This was a thing when I was at school, starting in yr 6 probably.
My mum used to call it the 'holding hands in the playground stage'.
Then more proper relationships stated in yr9. Some of those were the 'longstanding' couples from yr6/7 but not many.

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:04

@Dozer They do seem to go for walks with each other. We are in tier 3 so that’s pretty much all you could do.

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Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:05

@TableCat Did girls couple up with girls when you were younger too?

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TableCat · 10/12/2020 07:16

Yes, actually I was talking to DS (age14) about this because he was getting stressed about remembering how to address a growing number of his peers, gay was the thing to be when I was at school.
People clamoured to be part of the special crowd. I remember pretending I was bi because although I really knew I wasn't I didn't want to be out of the loop.
I would say 50% of my friends turned out to actually be gay, rising to 80% if you only count the boys. That probably says more about my circle of friends than the general teenage population of the late 90s though.

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:19

@TableCat I am not that much older and no one came out until they left school!

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TheSockMonster · 10/12/2020 07:25

Same here! DS is in Y7 and has one. I thought it might be a bit like Dozer said and more of a status thing, but he’s really very fond of her. They’re constantly FaceTiming and meeting up for walks and he’s been saving his pocket money for her Christmas present. I haven’t had to remind him to shower once since they got together!

He went a bit green when his sister asked if they kissed and said, with some relief I think, that he didn’t think it was a good idea because of covid. So perhaps more of a best friend of the opposite sex?

TheSockMonster · 10/12/2020 07:28

Oh did you mean specifically same-sex relationships? I’ll have to listen closer when DS is chatting to his friends and see if there are any of those yet. We didn’t have anyone out when I was at high school back in the dark ages. Everyone used to wait and come out at uni.

Notdeliasmith · 10/12/2020 07:31

I'm 27, and bi.

I had my first girlfriend about year 8 ish. There was lots of experimental same sex couplings in my school, some grew up to be in same sex relationships, some didnt. Some of those that didnt do still identify as bi, but other than those I'm close with/ or are active in the queer community then I guess I wouldnt know what percentage of them still identify as bi.

There were lots of couples of all different types in yr 7/8ish. Some were the hold hands in the play ground type, some the call yourself my boyfriend but really we just go to the park once a week together, others were starting to explore a bit more and were dramatic teen relationships

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:36

Also, none of my friends coupled up (with boys) before they could get pregnant. It might have been less stressful for everyone if they had!

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Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:37

Oh did you mean specifically same-sex relationships?

No not specifically. I am just generally feeling old and out of touch.

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Notdeliasmith · 10/12/2020 07:38

As always in these threads, if your old enough to feel stirrings and romantic feelings towards the opposite sex then you are old enough that you might be feeling them for the same sex.

We would understand a 12-13yr old saying they fancy the opposite sex, have a crush on celebs or want to kiss that boy in year 8. The same thing can happen to same sex attracted people.

Imapotato · 10/12/2020 07:39

Dd in y8 has had lots of ‘boyfriends’, one of her friends has also had a couple of girls friends. It’s completely normal at this age.

As far as I am aware the most she ever did with a ‘boyfriend’ is a quick peck egged on by their friends.

Meepmeeep · 10/12/2020 07:39

‘Coupled up’ do they think they’re in Love Island? Or is that a thing now - thanks to LI?

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:40

We would understand a 12-13yr old saying they fancy the opposite sex, have a crush on celebs or want to kiss that boy in year 8

I guess in my head I didn’t expect any of this to happen before you had your first period.

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LadyPlasters · 10/12/2020 07:41

Yep! My year 7 dd has come out as bi and has a girlfriend. However, they are more comfortable on the phone gaming with each other and she told me its awkward in person 😂.

I was still in primary school in year 7 and is it definitely when we started experimenting with kissing so I guess it's on the cards for my dd so I shouldn't be surprised.. . But I will be 😬

MindThatTree · 10/12/2020 07:43

@notevenat20 some of the girls in year seven will have already had their first period. My DD has and she wasn’t the first in her class.

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:45

some of the girls in year seven will have already had their first period. My DD has and she wasn’t the first in her class.

Yes I know. I was thinking of the ones who haven’t (I am friends with their mums).

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TheAirbender · 10/12/2020 07:45

That's a strange response OP - most girls start their period any where from age 10 plus! I got mine in the summer before I started secondary school as did quite a few of my friends. I had a boyfriend in Year 7 but we never, ever spoke to one another. It was more of an agreement to be part of the gang!

MsAwesomeDragon · 10/12/2020 07:48

I've been teaching for 16 years, and it's been normal the whole time. The year 7s are usually very sweet and innocent about the whole thing, with a little bit of holding hands around school, and maybe a quick kiss.

As they get older the PDA get more in your face, and we have had quite a few assemblies over the years where the older kids are reminded that they shouldn't be "canoodling" at school.

Notdeliasmith · 10/12/2020 07:48

I think it's totally dependent though
I went to a "nice" school and there was lots of dating, under age sexual activity etc.

However my partner was completely innocent and seemed to have missed all that till much older.

Some times we talk about things like underage parties and it makes me realise quite how different we were as teens!

Dont forget though puberty/periods are totally variable. Some will have got them in year 5, some wont get them till much older eg year 11.

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:50

That's a strange response OP - most girls start their period any where from age 10 plus!

Yes I do know when we get our period :). I was just thinking of some friends DDs who haven’t yet and are in “couples”.

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Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:51

Is it very different in boys schools?

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Pinkyandthebrainz · 10/12/2020 07:52

You sound a bit out of touch OP. It's perfectly normal and was when I was at school years ago. We coupled up in Y6! I remember a few girls in my Y6 class had started their periods already.

Original poster
notevenat20 · 10/12/2020 07:54

You sound a bit out of touch OP.

I also feel out of touch!

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