Is coupling up in year 7 now normal?

[notevenat20]

I expected to be too old to understand teenage relationships when my DC got there. But DS is in year 7 and has told me that lots of boys and girls in his year are coupling up as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then my friend with a DD in a girls school told me the same thing is happening there. As far as I know they are not actually doing anything physical but it seems so young! AIBU?

Not that it's anything to worry about, but you seem the type that is panicking, thinking you child is going to catch 'the gayness'.

I am sorry you have interpreted what I wrote this way. I personally can't see how this could have happened and all I can say is that you have misunderstood.

[quote Ohalrightthen]@barmyfarmy reading your post made me feel so much better, consider yourself invited over for coffee and a mince pie.[/quote]
I'll be there with bells and tinsel on (and a massive tin of celebrations under my arm)

You are offensively ignorant on this, I'm sorry to say, and you seem to be completely averse to any feedback on the matter.

I think you are just trying to be angry. I didn't say you choose your sexuality. I said you make choices.

@notevenat20

Not that it's anything to worry about, but you seem the type that is panicking, thinking you child is going to catch 'the gayness'.

I am sorry you have interpreted what I wrote this way. I personally can't see how this could have happened and all I can say is that you have misunderstood.

You really need to stop fucking talking because you're diggin yourself further and further into a homophobic hole. Your friends chose to live in heterosexual relationships but that's not actually their sexual orientation, they're still gay and bi and didn't choose to be. Knobs like you should have your accounts deleted bladdy hell!

Definitely out of touch! Y7 is late 🤣

I have a Y7.
There have been known “couples” since Y5, though only a small number. Mostly they don’t meet out of school and - one couple - when asked to hold hands at residential for 30 seconds, as a dare, dropped hands with an “eugh” ASAP! But they were very much known as couples.

My Y7 is bi, she had a “shall we be a couple” convo with a girl in Y5 (decided themselves they were too young, and the other girl didn’t want to be out). Boyfriend end of Y6, would FaceTime and text but not meet.

Now in Y7, she’s interested in fancying others but not acting on it. The idea of kissing is gross. She says kissing on lips is for Y8, with tongues for Y9. Loads of her form are in couples and I can name who I’ve been told is gay, bi or pan.

Not at DDs' schools so much as they are girls' schools. Probably some, even so.

I first snogged someone when in Y7 over thirty years ago and there was a thing of meeting someone behind the science lab after school for a bit of a snog. That was all "going out" with someone meant, usually. By about Y9 that stopped (probably I'd "been out" with any of the boys that were fanciable by then). I don't think I kissed anyone else (or anything other than that) until I started going out with friends more regularly in the evening in sixth form college.

But you know life is more complicated than I think you give credit, now I think about it. I am happily married. I chose not to find other men attractive. That is an active choice I have made in order to stay happily married. I still think this is the wrong place to discuss this so I will stop here.

My year 7 DS has a girlfriend.
Its just a pal and makes him feel like he's made it as a high schooler.
They don't hold hands or kiss. Hes sats he's too young and he will start kissing when he's 14. Aw!
They message a bit but not much. She puts the occassional 'x' kiss on her messages but he won't as its too much! :) In his words.

This is an incredibly damaging, old fashioned and frankly bigoted stance. You don't "decide" your sexuality, it is inherent. Using language like "experimenting" or "phase" completely invalidates the feelings and experiences of young people and you run the risk of alienating your daughter and damaging your relationship.

It is possible to be confused about your sexuality and need a bit of experimentation before properly concluding your orientation though!
It’s definitely not immediately obvious for some of us (women supposedly experience this more than men, statistically, but it’s hard to be sure of that because comphet seems to be part of female socialisation?).
All my female friends (including me) had short relationships and/or intimate experiences with other women in the 90s.
I wouldn’t completely rule out a future relationship with a woman but I think calling that teeny possibility bi is a massive stretch and likely to do a disservice to actual bisexual people who often do experience difficulties and discrimination.

There is a bit of a tendency amongst current early secondary age kids to sit under a metaphorical LGBT sorting hat.
If you are a year 7 summer baby, that could well mean picking a sexual orientation label before you’ve ever truly experienced real, loins-on-fire sexual attraction, and are still in the same sex non-sexual crush phase of life (mine was on a female maxillofacial surgeon who patched me up after an accident. Phenomenal woman, I felt like I was in love with her. I was 11 and it was actually a heady combo of absolute trust, total respect and sincere thankfulness).

I don’t really know how to navigate the current day teen obsession with labelling oneself - I’m sure lots of heterosexual parents of teens would appreciate some advice on how to respond to the coming out announcement!
My daughter rather dramatically announced herself to be bi at 12, so far we’ve gone with ‘We don’t mind who you date or who you eventually fall in love with, girl or boy, just as long as you make each other happy and treat each other with respect’, but it felt like she was almost disappointed in our non-plussedness!

ou really need to stop fucking talking because you're diggin yourself further and further into a homophobic hole. Your friends chose to live in heterosexual relationships but that's not actually their sexual orientation, they're still gay and bi and didn't choose to be. Knobs like you should have your accounts deleted bladdy hell!

You are fighting a battle against the wrong person. I can see who you are fighting and you have identified me as one of the enemy. I can assure you, I am not. If we can discuss in another forum I would be happy to.

One of my good friends from secondary school met her partner is year 1. Which is year 7 now right? They’ve been married something like 25 years. When most of us have been married only about 10.

My mother studied psychology and said that young love always lasts. (As in if they got married when they first got together with them in secondary school).

So it can happen x

@notevenat20

But you know life is more complicated than I think you give credit, now I think about it. I am happily married. I chose not to find other men attractive. That is an active choice I have made in order to stay happily married. I still think this is the wrong place to discuss this so I will stop here.

Talk about 'out of touch' shitting hell. Oh unless are you a closeted lesbian? This is a safe space you can come out in. Internalised homophobia is completely understandable and a common issue if you are.

My mother studied psychology and said that young love always lasts. (As in if they got married when they first got together with them in secondary school).

Tell that to Juliet!

Talk about 'out of touch' shitting hell. Oh unless are you a closeted lesbian? This is a safe space you can come out in. Internalised homophobia is completely understandable and a common issue if you are.

I don't follow, sorry. How is choosing not to find other men attractive related to being a lesbian or out of touch?

As a Bi person who has been with a man since I was 18 I'm not living a heterosexual life. I'm a bisexual who happened to fall in love with a man. I'm still Bi... I'm still attracted to women through no choice of my own (though I wouldn't choose not to be).

@PlantMam I agree that at Y7 age, there’s still experimentation and confusion.
I suppose the important thing to me, is that if my Y7 had told me she was straight, not bi, would I have thought, “well you say you’re straight, but you may be confused and experimenting”? Probably not!
Because I guess like many of us, my viewpoint is hetero-normative.
I think your answer was perfect - it’s not about the person, but whether you are happy and are respectful and respected.

This reminded me of a couple at school when I was in year 7. They were very popular and are still together now, 23 years later and have five kids!
Didn't like them very much when I was at school but it's lovely they are still together .

@notevenat20

We would understand a 12-13yr old saying they fancy the opposite sex, have a crush on celebs or want to kiss that boy in year 8

I guess in my head I didn’t expect any of this to happen before you had your first period.

Girls are getting their periods in y6

@Cocomarine

I agree completely, including the risk of being hetero-normative (which is also a great word).

Girls are getting their periods in y6

That's not the experience of DD's friends. They seem to be getting their periods between 9 and 14 just like when I was a child.

@RedditFreak

One of my good friends from secondary school met her partner is year 1. Which is year 7 now right? They’ve been married something like 25 years. When most of us have been married only about 10.

My mother studied psychology and said that young love always lasts. (As in if they got married when they first got together with them in secondary school).

So it can happen x

@RedditFreak do please share what level of qualification your mother has in Psychology, and especially what peer reviewed research that opinion is backed by?

What a load of twaddle 🤣

As someone who has actually studied Psychology (attained BSc and MSc) and who has actually read a research paper or two, I expect your mother’s “study” was reading an article called, “First Loves Last” in Cosmo 🤣

Oh and periods are earlier than ever now. My sister got hers at 8.

@notevenat20

Girls are getting their periods in y6

That's not the experience of DD's friends. They seem to be getting their periods between 9 and 14 just like when I was a child.

What? Year six is age 10-11. So this is the same thing.

@notevenat20

Girls are getting their periods in y6

That's not the experience of DD's friends. They seem to be getting their periods between 9 and 14 just like when I was a child.

How is that not your experience then? How does 9-14 not encompass Y6?

I think what upsets me more is kids of a similar age describing themselves as "asexual" because they haven't partnered up. I want to say "No, you're a child"