Resort manager has a point?

[Redredwine2020]

Just been absolutely roasted and kicked out of a FB group for my opinion on this.

AIBU to think the parent should have considered what resort she was booking? Their website is very clear.

www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g298461-d477886-r778557585-Plantation_Bay_Resort_And_Spa-Lapu_Lapu_Mactan_Island_Cebu_Island_Visayas.html

For full disclaimer I have two ridiculously noisy children with additional needs, I specifically ensure our holiday resorts are suitable. I don't think its fair to subject a resort full of holidaymakers who have specifically chosen a quiet resort to them?

Being loud is not a protected characteristic. 2 of my NT children could not have gone to that resort. this isn’t about a loud nt child though is it. It’s about a disabled child being asked to leave a resort because of involuntary noise.

As for the quiet sessions .... they’re voluntary you’re not excluded from shopping at other times for fear of upsetting the general public,

This thread has made me sad. Honestly the mother doesn’t sound great, but all the people piling on with their heartfelt joy at being able to book a resort where they are guaranteed not to meet a disabled child making happy noises in a pool.

my experience is that disabled people and their families are brilliant at accommodating each other and it’s fairly rare for it to cause the sort of issues you would imagine.
@5zeds, it would be impossible for the family of a child who squeals every time he jumps in the pool to be accommodating to a family with my child's needs. His mother cannot stop him from squealing, so she shouldn't take him to one of the rare child friendly resorts that don't allow this. Instead she should go to one of the many, many resorts that do. She is negligent of her own child's needs and completely dismissive of those whose needs are different.

@5zeds

Being loud is not a protected characteristic. 2 of my NT children could not have gone to that resort. this isn’t about a loud nt child though is it. It’s about a disabled child being asked to leave a resort because of involuntary noise.

As for the quiet sessions .... they’re voluntary you’re not excluded from shopping at other times for fear of upsetting the general public,

This thread has made me sad. Honestly the mother doesn’t sound great, but all the people piling on with their heartfelt joy at being able to book a resort where they are guaranteed not to meet a disabled child making happy noises in a pool.

Not all disabled children are loud. Some disabled children can't tolerate noise and would find this environment ideal. Perhaps try looking past your own nose.

I've given up on resort hotels entirely.

Give me a nice cottage in the wilderness anyday.

@PatriciaPerch

My daughter is an adult and can cope with a normal cinema despite her complex needs, should I not take her because it makes other people uncomfortable?

I really think some of you so strongly suggesting 'loud' people with disabilities should 'not go out to places unsuitable' have not had to live with carefully choosing a venue asking for a table away from the main eating area so with not drawing attention to yourselves and then being met with some nob asking staff for your table to moved because THEY feel uncomfortable.

It's 2020 folks, people with disabilities exist and they always have

I really think those of you with no experience of this need to think about what you are saying and presenting as acceptable

Yes they exost and that's why there are special considerations for them. There is few hairdressers and barbers around here doing quiet hours for people who cannot cope with noise normally so they could get service. There are quiet shopping hours. There are millions of places suitable for people who make loud noises. There is so much (still could be better!). But there is a limit and common sense should be used. If it's specifications loud place like a club, it's just not suitable for many. If it's quiet place it's also not suitable for many. Then there are places inbetween.

Would you take a loud child to a specified quiet place? Would you take your child who is has issues with loud noises to loud place and demand quiet? Common sense should really prevail here on this particular case.

Anyway. All of this aside.

Who would want to take their child to a resort that will frown upon them squealing or laughing when they’re jumping into the pool anyway? Sounds utterly grim to me.

@PatriciaPerch

My daughter is an adult and can cope with a normal cinema despite her complex needs, should I not take her because it makes other people uncomfortable?

I really think some of you so strongly suggesting 'loud' people with disabilities should 'not go out to places unsuitable' have not had to live with carefully choosing a venue asking for a table away from the main eating area so with not drawing attention to yourselves and then being met with some nob asking staff for your table to moved because THEY feel uncomfortable.

It's 2020 folks, people with disabilities exist and they always have

I really think those of you with no experience of this need to think about what you are saying and presenting as acceptable

We used to really enjoy the quieter screenings as the volume was never as loud. A bit more lighting in the room . Then they were sadly merged with the children's showings and those with disabilities around noise were excluded yet again.

It was costing me money to have my children uncomfortable due to the distress caused from excessive noise. They don't really vocalise their frustrations instead they become physical. Wasn't as bad when they were toddlers, I could carry them somewhere.

Yes it is 2020 and consideration should be shown all around regardless of how your disability present themselves.

@Got2beglue you’re missing the children and adults who both make noise and are sensitive to noise. What happens is you move to opposite ends of the resort, you stagger your times in the pool, you get on with it because that is the nature of these difficulties ALL day EVERY day FOREVER. It probably makes you fairly unmoved by someone’s idea that they are “entitled” to vet who is in public places with them. It probably makes you fairly protective of their right to exist and be part of the world.

@WitchesSpelleas

That resort sounds brilliant!

It does indeed. It’s now on our list.

The thing is, if the manager had said that the resort was quiet so as to accommodate those who (due to a disability) could not tolerate loud noises, then be might be on to something with objective justification.

But he didn’t.

This thread has made me sad. Honestly the mother doesn’t sound great, but all the people piling on with their heartfelt joy at being able to book a resort where they are guaranteed not to meet a disabled child making happy noises in a pool.

What utter bollocks @5zeds. Plenty of disabled children and adults can go there and would specifically choose this resort because of the quiet policy. You seem to think all disabled people are loud or have the same needs. They're not and thinking they are is itself disablist.

[quote PatriciaPerch]@Mousehole10
ok that's clear
my daughter, in her 20s, has a disability and is loud, therefore if she is louder than any 'NT non disabled' she should go to the the disabled's screening instead?
Is that really what you think? How are we going to moderate this?[/quote]
Who’s ‘we’ and why does it need moderating? It’s pretty simple, those who aren’t quiet shouldn’t go to places designed to be quiet, and those who want quiet don’t go to places designed to be noisy. If 50 people have all paid for a film in a quiet regular session and can’t hear it because someone is being loud (for any reason) then obviously they aren’t going to be happy about it.

The review reads like a blog post not a review.

it’s certainly not ok to target yourself to a particular market to the exclusion of disabled people.

But that is complete rubbish. Most disabilities do not result in loud screaming. That's like saying a running event is targeting a particular market that excludes disabled people because some disabled people would not be able to participate (even though many disabled people actually could take part). Are bookshops deliberately excluding the disabled because blind people can't read the books? Etc etc.

I think you are confusing a private business with the obligations of state institutions. A school or police station or prison or hospital has to enable all types of disabled people to access services. A private business does not have to do this, and are free to market themselves in whatever way appeals to their target audience, as long as they do not specifically discriminate against a protected group.

I doubt that country has disability discrimination laws so no point bleating on about that.

Why would you take your noisy child with SEN or not somewhere when you know the other guests are going to have a shit time because of said child?

The hotel is sold as per the policy.

The world does not revolve around your noisy child.

This thread has made me sad. Honestly the mother doesn’t sound great, but all the people piling on with their heartfelt joy at being able to book a resort where they are guaranteed not to meet a disabled child making happy noises in a pool.

As the mother of two children with disabilities, never mind my own, I'm loving this resort.

Do you even have any idea of the differences, and that one size does not fit all? Even with two people and the same diagnosis, how they present, their triggers, their reactions, symptoms everything varies?

I am not saying let's exclude a group of people.
However, those insisting on using quiet places and making demands are doing just that.

Why shouldn't those of us who are sensitive to noise be able to enjoy ourselves as well?

Quiet times in cinemas, supermarkets etc are what once a week if that? those who want to make noise are free to do so for the majority of the time.

It's no different to gyms operating women only sessions once a week.

Did I imagine the whole drowning is silent thing?

@DioneTheDiabolist and @Got2beglue I don’t think I’m going to engage. I’m VERY aware of noise sensitivity. I’m also very aware of involuntary noise/movement etc. I think this particular resort is not at all what I would spend my money on, so if you want to hang out there with the squeak haters we won’t meet. I don’t think the manager “has a point” I think he’s horrible.

it’s certainly not ok to target yourself to a particular market to the exclusion of disabled people.

Mounting climbing tours.
Cycling tours.
Deep sea diving.
Horse riding.
Driving experience.
Cooking lessons.
Radio stations...
...
Literally EVERY single thing in the world is not suitable for everyone even without disabilities.

My daughter is an adult and can cope with a normal cinema despite her complex needs, should I not take her because it makes other people uncomfortable?

There is obviously common sense to be applied here and it depends what you mean by uncomfortable. If she makes a bit of noise occasionally then just take her at a time when it's not too full and leave a gap between you and others.

If the volume or frequency is to the extent that it will prevent others enjoying the film, such as constant screaming, then perhaps don't take her to a normal screening.

I guess it depends a bit how much she gets out of it. If she enjoys the cinema then I would find a way to make it work. If she merely "copes" as you say above, and you just take her for something to do or because you want to go yourself, I probably wouldn't do it if others were genuinely disturbed by the noise.

oh I've always taken her to quieter non disabled screenings in all honesty but I'm not going to bother anymore, I'm just going to go when it is convenient for us to both do so and people like you can avoid us. It has only taken me 21 years to come to this conclusion grin covid has changed me shock we don't take our sweets, crisps and mobile phones into the cinema so I imagine we are even

I take my disabled DC to standard screenings because that's the only way to see the films they want to see, the specialist screenings are usually older or less popular films. We sit in the corner of the very back row so can't disturb anyone behind us, tickets are only £4.99 and I get in free with their CEA card so I buy the seat directly to side of us to make sure its empty and no one can sit beside us, and I bring their ear defenders in case they need them. If they do make any involuntary noises and anyone wants to give me a look then they'll get a look straight back but our local cinema is really good about inclusion and don't go removing disabled people for being disabled.

Why are @MNHQ quick to delete, but cant let you know why??