Resort manager has a point?

[Redredwine2020]

Just been absolutely roasted and kicked out of a FB group for my opinion on this.

AIBU to think the parent should have considered what resort she was booking? Their website is very clear.

www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g298461-d477886-r778557585-Plantation_Bay_Resort_And_Spa-Lapu_Lapu_Mactan_Island_Cebu_Island_Visayas.html

For full disclaimer I have two ridiculously noisy children with additional needs, I specifically ensure our holiday resorts are suitable. I don't think its fair to subject a resort full of holidaymakers who have specifically chosen a quiet resort to them?

[quote PatriciaPerch]@Mousehole10

You do what most reasonable people do and take them to activities suited to them and not to activities which aren’t. If your child (or adult child) can’t be quiet you don’t take them to places where people have paid a lot of money for quiet, spas for example. It’s general curtesy for others. Very entitled to do otherwise

so you agree with discrimination then? in the UK?
who are 'them' btw? not quite human beings?[/quote]
Good lord is that chip perched on your shoulder heavy @patriciaperch?

The vast majority of hotels are overrun with families with noisy children. It isn't discriminating to say your hotel expects silence. The quiet disabled are welcome. Along with everyone else quiet.

'Not quite human beings?' - about use of the word 'them'? Honestly, get a grip.

Would you take a loud child to a specified quiet place? Would you take your child who is has issues with loud noises to loud place and demand quiet? Common sense should really prevail here on this particular case.

Quite. Would think that all would agree on this, but apparently not. All places should cater to people who are loud, for whatever reason, including disabilities, otherwise discrimination. Ignoring that there are precious few places that ask for quiet, that suit others, for whatever reason, including disabilities where people CANNOT tolerate loud noise. Those few quiet places (or times, in the case of cinemas and such) should not exist, and should instead welcome noise, like 95% of places already do Thus excluding those who cannot tolerate noise, from the 5% of places they could go to, in the name of being inclusive?!

Have spent a while reading the replies on other negative reviews and the manager does seem..short with anyone with criticism. This is not unusual though from whenI have read tripadvisor previously, seems especially common when its quite obvious English is not the commenters first/only language, not sure its on purpose, though it may be.

Whats very clear from other reviews though, is that it is certainly NOT just disabled children who are told to be quiet. Its all children, all adults, anyone having long loud phone convos, ipads continually beeping, the lot. So its definitely not just to pick on disabled kids or whatever. Which it was obviously not going to be, in a place that specifies quiet for all mind, but I read on just to check this.

It's got nothing to do with his disability and I dislike the way the reviewer made it that way. All children make noise, and my NT children would also not be suited to that resort. Calling out discrimination is important and people like this water down the argument making it harder to call out real discrimination imo.

@5zeds

The concept that disabled people should stay away from some places because they are behaving in an “entitled” way to want to do something their non disabled counterparts do is just horrendous. Has the idea of equality and inclusion just skipped over you??? What if your dp had their leg chopped off tomorrow and a resort opened that didn’t want anyone disfigured being seen by their clientele? Would you suggest they hide themselves away because anything else was “entitled”?

I note you’ve totally ignored the point made by many, that some people have disabilities which mean they would struggle to cope with noise and so they would presumably look to holiday somewhere where they knew it would be quiet and peaceful.

It absolutely is entitled to argue that your needs or those of your family override everyone else’s, when you could easily choose an equivalent resort which would be suitable for you.

@jessstan1

I'm surprised they were allowed to travel so far from the UK for a holiday, or even wanted to, never mind going somewhere that you couldn't go out of. It would be like being in a 5* prison.

Do you mean the woman who wrote the review? She lives in the Philippines, not the UK.

It sounds lovely. I wish these rules applied everywhere

I do think it's a tough thing. I mean if every resort did this you are saying that no child with these kind of disabilities is allowed away. Discrimination by stealth. In this case, yes she was U but in general, people need to be aware of additional needs.

No where can be 'fully accessible', equality is not treating everyone the same. One of my disabilities means that noises of a certain pitch I don't hear I feel and it is painful, often children's squeals cause that so this place is not accessible for 'Fib' but is making more than reasonable adjustments for me.

It's got nothing to do with his disability and I dislike the way the reviewer made it that way. All children make noise, and my NT children would also not be suited to that resort. Calling out discrimination is important and people like this water down the argument making it harder to call out real discrimination imo

^ This! There is a place and time when to pick your battles (and rightfully so!)
This case is not.

@FenellaVelour I note you’ve totally ignored the point made by many, that some people have disabilities which mean they would struggle to cope with noise and so they would presumably look to holiday somewhere where they knew it would be quiet and peaceful. have I? I think I’ve explained that you can make involuntary noise AND be sensitive to noise (to be honest it’s fairly common). The question posed was about the manager’s attitude. I think he was a dick to behave as he did. You like the way he treated this child and his family then you will be with like minded people if you stay in such a place.

DS is autistic. He struggles massively with other peoples noise - so we plan our holidays/ days out/life to minimise the impact this has on him. I don’t expect others to change their lives to stay quiet for him and we wouldn’t go to somewhere noisy.

This means he is excluded from many activities aimed at young people with autism. But that’s not discrimination it’s just the nature of autism that sometimes needs will clash.

When you have children, especially children with disabilities, you have to pick the holiday which suits their needs which won’t necessarily be the holiday you would normally have picked but that’s life!

@5zeds you genuinely sound entitled. Because your child makes a noise they should be allowed to go to a resort where people have paid to go because of lack of noise? If one of my parents had a stroke and made a noise I would take them to one of the many, many holiday resorts where noise is fine ie the vast majority of them. But if I choose to go somewhere quiet and pay for that my expectation would be that someone like you would not bring their noisy child their and ruin everyone else's enjoyment. Whenever I go on holiday I covet the adults only pool with no screaming kids. Sadly I can't use it because I have noisy kids. No one would bat an eyelid at your son in a standard resort but I don't understand why you would even consider ruining everyone else's holiday by taking him to a quiet resort, for which their clearly is a commercial need otherwise they wouldn't exist .

That place sounds perfect!

I don't think there are any winners in this scenario. The mother booked a resort poorly suited to her needs and those of her son, I wonder if it was a last minute get away and this was the only place available so she didn't research it properly and just booked thinking it would be fine. The manager was rude and unnecessarily personal in his response to her complaint, he should have just stated the facts of the situation and directed people to the T&Cs for further clarification of hotel policy.

@numbbycocomelon Sounds like heaven but I wouldn't take my toddler there as I won't be able to control him at all. Since having my toddler, I had to adapt my lifestyle. ..when I go to restaurants for dinner, I pick times between 5pm-5.30pm latest as I don't want to disturb other ... The world doesn't revolve around me and my toddler so therefore I don't expect the world to cater for me. For holidays, I pick family friendly hotels ... On the plane, I pick times ...I specifically pick locations that are less than 4 hours air travel so I don't disturb people. What I expect in return is to be respected by others and receive the same consideration ... I don't want to be placed next to couples and I want to be next to families. so are you basically saying that anyone who makes involuntary noises need to self isolate for life so as not to disturb you because you do this for a few years for a baby? Disability isn’t extended childhood. The reason we have the laws we do is because we’ve moved on from the idea that the disabled should be corralled with “people like them”. The guys post was revolting and I can’t see why anyone reading it would think “oooo I want to go there”.

What sort of parent deliberately chooses to take their child somewhere that they will not be able to just be themselves?

The disability is a complete red herring as there will be disabled people there who have chosen it specifically for the quiet policy and people without any disabilities who have dismissed it for the same reason. It is about choosing a resort that suits your own family's needs. The quiet policy applies to everyone.

No one with any common sense or consideration for others would take a screechy NT toddler into, say, the quiet carriage of a train or the quiet study section of a library. I wouldn't book a climbing trip to Everest and then complain that they won't accommodate my feeling of vertigo that is brought on my steep drops.

If you pay X amount of money to eat at a top scaled Michelin star restaurant, and someone’s children was screaming through the entire meal, would you be impressed with that?

No.

You would expect it from somewhere like McDonald’s but not this.

This hotel has advertised itself as a quiet hotel. I would very unimpressed if I arrived to hear kids screaming, even if it was with joy

@gottakeeponmovin I’ve repeatedly said I WOULDN’T go anywhere near this place. I am “entitled” in that I believe in inclusion not barely tolerating disabled people so long as they live their lives in places that are “OK for them”. Interestingly I have travelled fairly extensively with my son and we have never hit this problem. We don’t skulk in the toddler section of life and to be frank I think that would cause a fair amount of feather ruffling and would be inappropriate.

@5zeds you've never hit the problem because most hotels arrest incredibly noisy and you have never gone to a quiet hotel. That's the whole point - there are plenty of places you can access - but some people want a different type of holiday that's quiet and relaxing where you can't take noisy people - children or adults. I don't know why you find that difficult to accept. If 95 percent of resorts where quiet I would get your issue but it's absolutely the other way around. I think on this thread you have shown a real lack of respect for other peoples wants and needs and just focuses on your own - which are actually fully catered for in every major resort in the world

I wonder if people would have been making this all about disability if they child had not had autism?

You don't book a quiet resort if you have a loud child. I had loud children, I booked lively resorts. Of which there are a vast number to choose from.

I would do my research and never take DS with SEN there. I have to plan everything extremely carefully, and I wouldn't want to take him on holiday somewhere he wouldn't be able to enjoy anyway. However I think the response there from the hotel was rude when they start talking about the parent not wanting to control their child. As parents of SEN children we should know it's not always that simple unfortunately and I think that's probably why people on the group were upset. It feels like a personal attack, some of us really struggle to control our children even with medication and extra support. We do everything we can but people who don't know about our children's needs making us feel like shit is not necessary, we feel like shit parents a lot of the time already, and morally speaking anyone who is disabled should be able to have the same experiences as anyone who isn't. It doesn't mean it will always work in practice unfortunately.

This hotel does sound lovely to me, however it wouldn’t be suitable for us.

I’m deaf, so tend to speak louder than most people, especially in a pool where I have to take my hearing aid out

My dh would get irritated if lifeguards kept telling me to shush and in the end it would end up with him being too loud himself. That’s without including children! The

So whilst it sounds lovely, it wouldn’t be ideal for us.

Where are people who can not tolerate noise meant to go? Do their needs come beneath those of people who can not be quiet but have many other virtually identical places they could have gone?

The review below of somebody complaining they couldnt talk on their fucking mobile at the restaurant is cheekier. This place sounds alright to me.

@gottakeeponmovin unsurprisingly given my family I know quite a lot about the reaction to “noise”. Your superior knowledge is ridiculous. If you don’t believe me that’s fine but we’re living it so I think probably have a better handle on our own experience.

I wonder if Jessica Thorn has ever been told she’s “entitled” for going about her life? It’s ok guys I wouldn’t go because I don’t like the attitude of the manager and I wouldn’t want to be somewhere where disabled people aren’t welcome.