Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else dislike Christmas virtue signaling?

257 replies

Twigaletta · 09/12/2020 18:00

It reminds me of that Fast Show sketch, 'I don't like to talk about my charity work' etc. And then proceed to boast about their efforts.

Examples I've seen this week include staged photos of charity shoe boxes, pleas for funds to 'top up' (and in reality actually fund) some boxes for animals and someone saying they wanted to do something but just needing x, y and z, which in effect meant they supplied the empty box and the wrapping paper with everyone else supplying the contents. Lots of people have 'fallen' for these pleas.

I'm not going to rattle off everything I've done for charity this year because that would be hugely hypocritical. I just get an urgh feeling when I see the virtue signaling on social media.

OP posts:
Ravenesque · 09/12/2020 22:13

Total pro-lapsed Catholic here but this sort of thing always brings back to me the bit in the Bible where old Jesus slags of the Pharisees for being all "Oh look at how good I am!" in public when it's better to do good just for the sake of it and not to brag about it and take all the good out of it.

That said, I know I've been a bit of a pharisee in the past but a lot less so these days and NOT on social media.

ravensoaponarope · 09/12/2020 22:15

@EsmeCrowfoot

How sad would you have to be to derive pleasure from someone scribbling their name on a bit of cardboard?! grin

Sometimes little gestures go a long way, especially if someone is having a hard time. I get pleasure from sending and receiving cards, and if that makes me 'sad' in some people's eyes, that's fine by me.

Me too.
GeneParmesanPrivateEye · 09/12/2020 22:17

I do agree generally, but not about the cards.
I never send cards... but I know some people get the hump if they send them and you don't reciprocate, so I get why people spell it out that there's a reason behind it.
Even if you don't donate, not sending cards saves loads of glitter-crusted card - that can't be recycled - from going to landfill. We have other ways to contact people... yes - that sounds a bit joyless - but it's an easy save for the environment.

OhCaptain · 09/12/2020 22:18

@D4rwin

I'd rather everyone donated to charity rather than sent some empty sentiment to clutter up the recycling in the name of a bullshit oppressive faith. Christmas cards are all round tasteless to me. But don't let people having their own take on 'the right thing' mean you have to get off that high horse of yours.
Quite.
WillowintheUK · 09/12/2020 22:35

[quote stovetopespresso]@Southwest12 that's awful!! I personally don't get the link between charity and cards really, send cards, don't send them, donate, don't donate, why link the 2? And why tell people that you are? Just do it...quietly...or don't....[/quote]
At the last count I figured out I was spending £100+ by the time I’d paid for cards and stamps. The enormous bundle I tossed out after Christmas each year was just a waste. I’m down now to receiving and sending two. I can assure you that every year since 2014 I have spent at least £100 on groceries for the local food bank. I’m not a liar and if I say I’m going to donate, that’s what I do. I assume the best about others who say they’re doing it too, and that they’ll donate in whichever way they’ve chosen.

Pastnowfuture · 09/12/2020 22:36

I was laughing out loud at this thread until I remembered that a few weeks back I asked on facebook where I could drop off new toys I had bought for children's christmas gift appeal! Blush
To be fair I had bought them in Asda thinking they had a donation trolley but they didn't so I had to carry the bloody things home! Xmas Hmm

Labobo · 09/12/2020 22:37

It's tricky though because when you donate to a charity they then beg you to tell FB that you did it because this will encourage others. I did this the other day for a charity I really admire and felt cringey because it does sound like you are trying to publicise your own halo. But they ask you to do it, so it must have a beneficial effect for them.

AuntyCandthefishfingersandwich · 09/12/2020 22:42

The cards one I don't mind - any publicity for charities right now can't be bad. We've sent 10 cards this year- mainly to the older generation and we will donate money to a local charity.

The ones I object to is the gifts for kids in hospital at Christmas. Just because they are in hospital doesn't mean they need charity!

Our church used to do presents for the refuge which I could really get behind. Then last year it was gifts for children on the children's ward. My kids spent quite a bit of time in and out of hospitals - doesn't mean we need gifts from strangers. Kids in a refuge who more than likely left with nothing on the fly definitely will.

Jaxhog · 09/12/2020 22:46

I dislike ALL virtue signaling, and this year has seen so much of it.

I agree re Christmas though, and I really don't believe everyone actually donates their time or money to a charity.

AuntyCandthefishfingersandwich · 09/12/2020 22:49

About cards - we have family that will get the hump of each card is personal - happy Christmas Grandma- on the front etc and want a thank you for each card. It's draining.
The Facebook post is to cut off the behind the scene bitching- how dare they not send me a card

Mulhollandmagoo · 09/12/2020 23:35

There's been some covid themed virtue signalling on my social media this year too

'we've decided we'll be leaving my 114 year old grandmother all alone on Christmas day this year, because we love her soooo much! Heartbroken, but we just care so much about everyone not getting covid because we're such good people and invite you all to validate this in the comments of this post'

Suppose it shakes things up a tad from the usual Christmas card posts and the 'he's been' photos on Christmas Eve

GlummyMcGlummerson · 09/12/2020 23:39

Oh god, the COVID virtue signalling - "We haven't left the house for 267 days, not even been near the postman, wouldn't dream of sending the DC to school, because we don't want to be granny killers. If only everyone was like us."

It's been on MN too.

Proudboomer · 09/12/2020 23:53

My card sending is now down to one card. This is mainly due to the fact I only used to send to the older generation of the family who have all now died bar the one couple who are sort of the last man standing.

As to Christmas charity giving I support one charity which is personal to me. They get a small monthly standing order plus a little extra at Christmas. I don’t feel the need to post on Facebook that a cheque is in the post to such and such charity nor do I tell anyone in real life as why would they need to know or even care.

Gilead · 09/12/2020 23:56

I give money to Tefuge each year and I announce it on Facebook. I’m not virtue signalling. My friends know why I do it and they’re real friends because they don’t judge me.

TheWichitaWineOne · 10/12/2020 00:18

I don't judge people who give to charity (and share the fact) half as much as I judge people who sneer about 'virtue signaling.' It's such a mean little phrase.

It's still beloved on MN at the moment though, but fingers crossed, 2021 will see it go the way of 'handing out grips' and the dreaded 'pearl clutching.'

Lalliella · 10/12/2020 00:26

@RosesforMama

I cant stand people who announce on social media "We have decided not to do cards this Christmas, but have donated a sum to [insert charity] instead"

Just admit you were too lazy to write cards and have (probably) assuaged your guilt by binging a tenner to the RSPCA (who you could have supported by buying their cards....)

^^ this! Absolutely! I hate the sanctimoniousness of the people who do this. You’re not donating your money to charity, you’re donating the money you’d set aside for my Christmas card. MY Christmas card! I want that 30p! I want to do with it what I want! Or better still, send me a Christmas card and make a completely unrelated charity donation. Admit it, you’re just being lazy! And dressing it up as being righteous. Fuck off!!
LottaWorkForCharidee · 10/12/2020 03:27

@Staffy1

Also annoying on Facebook are those posts "xxx is asking for donations to zzz for their birthday this year.
I've done a one-off namechange for this, so I can't be accused of virtue-signalling/glory-hunting/whatever you want to call it.

I completely disagree, and I'm really glad Facebook lets you do this. I don't think it pressurises anybody, and I don't expect birthday gifts anyway, BUT this year I used this feature, not expecting much. However, I was blown away by people's generosity to Women's Aid, as just this small and easy thing to do raised them over £700 Shock.

I can definitely say that it was by far and away the BEST birthday present ever, and I'm so glad I did it.

mandarinpink · 10/12/2020 03:53

"I'm not going to rattle off everything I've done for charity this year because that would be hugely hypocritical"

Right, OPWink

BahbaraHumbug · 10/12/2020 06:47

I have been reverse Christmas virtue signalling. I've been bragging that I've cut down and ditched people off my Christmas list.

Fluffybutter · 10/12/2020 07:13

It was all going so well until ..
I'm not going to rattle off everything I've done for charity this year
Oh please ...

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/12/2020 07:27

@Tiktaktoe

The worst for me is people deciding to take a homeless person for some food and document the whole thing on Facebook. It gives me the absolute fucking rage. Do they have no sense of how awful being made to 'perform' for some food would be for the person. If you are doing a 'good deed' for the attention it brings you then the deed is just a 'look at me tax'.
Absolutely!

DH and I were in London and saw a homeless man. He was sat on the floor with a cup for money but he wasn’t saying anything to anyone who was walking past. He looked really unwell. I don’t give money to homeless people (would rather give the money to a charity to help homeless people) so we walked past him but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had to stop at a shop that sold meal deals and I bought him one. We walked back to find him and he was asleep so I made DH put the food next to him and we walked away. I didn’t need him to know that I had bought it for him. I looked back to see when we were a bit further away (I wanted to make sure no one took it from him) and he was awake and eating the food.

I didn’t take a photo. I didn’t post it on Facebook. Apart from on this thread, I never mentioned it again. I don’t want thanks for it. I feel better about myself and that’s all the recognition I need.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 10/12/2020 07:50

After each Christmas my mum use cut up Christmas cards and use them as tags for presents next year

We also had to unwrap presents carefully - she would then iron the best bits of wrapping paper and fold it up or roll it up ready to reuse next year

She wasn’t stingy, just creative :)

HallFloor · 10/12/2020 07:52

@AlecTrevelyan006

After each Christmas my mum use cut up Christmas cards and use them as tags for presents next year

We also had to unwrap presents carefully - she would then iron the best bits of wrapping paper and fold it up or roll it up ready to reuse next year

She wasn’t stingy, just creative :)

Mine too and so do I. Definitely out of thriftiness for my mum and with a nod to the environment for me.
ZaraW · 10/12/2020 07:56

I can't see the issue not sending cards and donating to charity. I only send cards to older relatives. Most of my friends don't bother.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/12/2020 09:45

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Just give to charity, don’t brag about it on SM or ask others for money if you want to run a marathon or sky dive etc.

Hate the card thing too, although it’s not as bad as buying goats, water etc and dressing it up as a gift. Rarely anything to do with the receiver of the gift and the person likely hasn’t donated their own presents.

My dad buys my mum a charity donation every year (not her only gift). She likes it. I’ve asked for donations to specific charities this year. I think it’s a bit marmite for people.

If you wouldn’t be happy to receive the charity donation, don’t gift it to someone else.