AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

Somebody on the thread said men 36+ were problematical, younger ones were more respectful. I can only comment about work, but I would say that was true. The younger ones don't assume that females do not know anything and they don't mansplain. The older ones are contemptuous of women, but now know to hide it better, although sometimes there are tells.

However, with regard to street harassment, the younger guys are the ones that have hassled me. I am middle aged, invisible to men my own age, but seemingly "worthy" of harassment on public transport, walking in the street from guys in their mid-late 20s. I thought I had "earned" a reprieve from being hassled which started when I was 12 plus, but seemingly not. Back to looking over my shoulders, no longer wearing headphones, changing routes because I feel uneasy.

I work in a mixed team, there is a cohort of older guys who are complete misogynists. The team now has more women, more BAME. Their power base is being eroded. What is interesting is now we are WAH we have meetings by zoom and you can see faces on screen in a small sweep of the screen, rather than being able to look at them in a meeting room where they might be spread out around the room. On the screen you can see their annoyance when a woman speaks, I think they forget they are on screen. The flick of the eyes upwards, the tightening of the lips.

It's not that long ago when rape in marriage was perfectly legal (when it was first outlawed it was brought in as a public order offence) and only actually became illegal in the 1990's following a human rights case!! It's also not so long ago that it was perfectly acceptable for a man to beat his wife with a metal pole as long as it was no thicker than his thumb -this was reasonable chastisement and was actually a duty of a husband not just a right!!
Our society needs a complete overhaul and have a starting point not based on the most misogynistic book ever (the bible) -women actually create human life from just a few cells - just how amazing is that and I'm sick of having to look over my shoulder if I ever want to walk anywhere on my own!!

@maudspellbody no, I don't think it might
showw this is a MASSIVE widespread problem for men as a class.

I just don't.

I got hammered in the beginning for raising a few points in relation to the other side of things so I won't do that again particularly aftr hearing the stories from women on this thread.

But no I don't believe it's the 'class ' of men thats the issue.

I know exactly when it well and truly hit me .. the extent to which I do fear men, how unsafe just their presence can feel, how affected I actually am by my previous experiences. I kinda deluded myself until then in various ways that it was really nothing.

As a grown ass woman I had to go past a couple of male teens. They didn't look or act threatening.. they just were. But I instinctively started walking quicker, slouched my shoulders, trying to make myself "small" and "unnoticeable ".
Without even realising I resorted to a young girl, trying to keep herself safe and hoping for the best.

Had to remind myself I'm a grownup,much older than them and that they probably didn't give a shit about my presence either way.

DH and I almost always do the school and nursery pick up together. Last week I did it alone for the first time in months and got heckled by 2 separate men. One stepped into my way and completely blocked the path, I had to go in the road to walk around him while he leered at me.
It's a disgrace that so many men are incapable of just leaving us the fuck alone.

There are some occasions when I am v happy to be gay.. Women sabotage other women, and undermine them when they side with men. If men were indeed that much smarter than women, they would not feel the need to loudly proclaim this so bloody regularly, would they?

Bloody hell, how long do we have to deal with this shit?

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@maudspellbody no, I don't think it might
showw this is a MASSIVE widespread problem for men as a class.

I just don't.

I got hammered in the beginning for raising a few points in relation to the other side of things so I won't do that again particularly aftr hearing the stories from women on this thread.

But no I don't believe it's the 'class ' of men thats the issue.[/quote]
The other side of things is that men as a class hurt men too. Toxic masculinity, violence, porn culture,incels,rape culture. Not to the same extent as they hurt women, but most of the issues men come , have been or are being caused by other men.

I've seen so many boys having their interests or hobbies denied because they are "girly".
So many boys laughed at or worse told off by their fathers or older siblings for crying,being hurt , having feelings.
So many boys angry,violent etc because the men in their lives are abusive,neglectful,abandoning them.
So many boys being goaded and encouraged into fighting,being top dog,winning at any cost.

And when I, as a woman I show them through words and actions that their father/role model/idol is wrong they resent me and get angry at me. Often, they feel bad because we have great relationships and bonds and then the anger turns into shame ,confusion and anger towards themselves. Which in turn breeds more anger. It's such a vicious circle.
All I want for these boys is to have a chance, to learn to think for themselves,make the right choice. To not end up in a prison, or in a hospital or dead on a slab. To aspire to be more than a bouncer and not care if they ever get a criminal record because their uncle is awesome and a bouncer with a criminal record.

I might not have a lot of time for men, but boys(children in general) are definitely a priority.

I have to say I don't have much hope for the current generations of men, but I do expect so much better from the current boys. Because they can be better.

And I support that cause through various charity and at work. Doing my bit one hug,cry and boy at a time.

What exactly are the posters bemoaning the sad , unfortunate lives of men doing? Besides berating women for having shelters,refuges,support systems etc?

I’m surprised many of you leave the house in case all these men attack and say bad things.

Maybe it is your mindset that is the issue. Women have it so much easier these days compared to when we were younger.

Accidentallyonpurpose
I agree with every single word. Every one.

Agree with you OP. As a mother of 4 DD’s (3 teenagers) I live in a constant state of fear for them. DD2 aged 15 has already been subject to sexual harassment by 2 boys at her school. One pulled her bikini bottoms down when she was swimming in the sea, the other tried to film up her skirt with his phone. The same DD stands behind me in shops to make sure no men are leering at me and scowls at any she sees oggling. There was an incident at the post office recently where she said an old guy was oggling me, I sadly had to point out that it was likely her he was oggling in her school uniform (skirt and long socks). I on the other hand was wearing jeans and a long thick cardigan. She was disgusted. I felt sick for her as I had to explain men had been sexually harassing me since I was 13! It’s grim and unacceptable. We can only hope it gets better for future generations.

Wow, I can’t believe my thread is still going.

It’s depressing really.

I’m full of respect for the women who bravely spoke out on this thread about their own experiences. I can’t believe what some of you have had to go through😢

@Coseynightin there are indeed many women who are afraid to leave the house, and I don’t blame them. Your comment is ignorant and you are a coward, hiding behind your privilege.

As much as I agree with much of what the original poster has said, I have to say that as a mother of 2 boys (and 2 girls) that I am also very concerned about how males generally are being viewed by women.
Just as we should never band any group by one distinguishing feature e.g. colour or religion we should also not band them by gender.

ILoveTed it is indeed very depressing. It seems we have a very low expectation of men.

To the person who voted that IABU, I would like to say... If you are not angry, you are not paying attention...

This with F**king bells on

If men want to be thought of as better, they need to be and do better.
None of us have come to these conclusions in a vacuum or were born like it.
We've learned to be fearful, angry and tired of men from experience.
From the little things to the big nasty things.
Ive got a son.
I really hope his wife/girlfriend/daughters will be the women that can come on a thread like this and be able to say they were lucky.
But I'm not raising him in a vacumm either and its scary.

My younger dds friends (11 year old boys) are so adorable. Just hope they can hang on to being the sweet decent lads they are without being corrupted by our culture 🙁

Don't tar all men with the same brush. It's unfair.
I don't consider all women to be nasty.

Someone got a klaxon call and didn't rtft
So boring and embarrassing.

I’m surprised many of you leave the house in case all these men attack and say bad things.

We do leave the house and these men do attack, sexually assault and say bad things to us. I've had some horrific assaults happen to me and I don't know any female that hasn't experienced sexual assault/abuse - minor or extremely serious, but I guess that's also our fault for leaving the house - yet it also happens sometimes when we don't leave the house.
Now sit back down.

It shouldn't be asking too much to expect decent behaviour from men and to wish they could do better so we can walk around without fear and enjoy their company.
It shouldn't be us that has to point out their behaviour has a negative effect on them as well as us because its not rocket science.

Thats not having low expectations of them. Its just the opposite.

Admit I have not read the full thread as it is 34 pages now ....but based on your title NO you are not. And I voted YANBU. I read some really sad and disturbing posts on here and I think men seem to be getting horrible. I’ve been intimated twice in the last 48 hours but having said that a lovely male friend has offered to come and ‘have a word’ with my horrible intimating (bully) neighbour so there are a few gems amongst the slurry

Intimidating obviously....

DD is 12 some of the boys at school last year of primary are watching porn on incognito mode at home.
I watched Audrie and Daisy case on Netflix. Very sad news her DM took her life last week she couldn't live without her DD.
I said to DP how come a group of boys will get involved in gang rape or sexual assault, you'd think one or two would say no this is wrong.
I'm still hopeful for some in this generation there will always be good vs bad education is key to change.

Those of you who don't see everyday sexism, harassment, and misogyny as an issue need to read these books.

In fact everyone should read these books- I highly recommend them 🙂