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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

999 replies

PurpleFeather · 08/12/2020 21:54

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 10/12/2020 16:59

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@GlummyMcGlummerson are you seriously trying to suggest there has been no woman ever who has been aggressive and caused trauma to a man?[/quote]
Of course not - where did I ever say that?!

Why do people ALWAYS do this on these threads - say "what women can't abuse" just because someone says "abuse mostly comes from men". It goady at best, and being a bit dim at worst.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:03

Why is it so difficult to understand that you can be a victim of abuse , understand the appalling crimes that are committed by man but not agree as spouted by many PP that all men are a problem?Iim honestly baffled.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:04

@GlummyMcGlummerson I can't quote a quote but a poster said that women can be aggressive and cause trauma and you said link or its BS.

LadyFlumpalot · 10/12/2020 17:04

With regards to female on male violence. Yes it happens but it is rarely as severe as male on female.

My DH is not much taller than me and doesn't weigh that much more. I can squeeze his hand with all my strength and it's comfortable to him, he squeezes mine with barely a fraction of his and it hurts like hell. If he wanted to pin me down and hurt me I wouldn't stand a chance. If I wanted to hurt him I'd have to incapacitate him first as I couldn't pin him down.

Also, I don't think violence is ever funny, no matter who is doing it. I reckon the only people who think it's funny when a women batters a man are the same people who think it's ok to rape a woman because she's got a short skirt on.

TheHoneyBadger · 10/12/2020 17:05

Err yes you did say that hence my use of the quote function.

He can avoid getting someone pregnant by avoiding sex with women who refuse condoms. Instead you thought he'd have to force a woman to use a condom. Yes that line of thinking is weird.

No one's contractually obliged to have sex with anyone. If they aren't happy they don't do it.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:06

@TheHoneyBadger

Err yes you did say that hence my use of the quote function.

He can avoid getting someone pregnant by avoiding sex with women who refuse condoms. Instead you thought he'd have to force a woman to use a condom. Yes that line of thinking is weird.

No one's contractually obliged to have sex with anyone. If they aren't happy they don't do it.

I didn't say that I couldn't see that option , but thanks for the explanation of what I think Hmm
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 17:08

@Wheresmykimchi

Why is it so difficult to understand that you can be a victim of abuse , understand the appalling crimes that are committed by man but not agree as spouted by many PP that all men are a problem?Iim honestly baffled.
No one has ever said that. On this thread or other similar threads.
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:09

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Did you miss the PP who said that it's a case of when and not if with men? Or the many PPs saying I'm an apologist?

TheHoneyBadger · 10/12/2020 17:09

You were saying he could be forced to conceive a pregnancy and when challenged came out with that implying his only option would be to force her to use contraception.

It's all there. Read it back and be honest with yourself what your line of thinking reveals.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:10

@AccidentallyOnPurpose or the very recent PP who said I was telling a rape victim her experience wasnt that bad by daring to say men can be abused?

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:11

@TheHoneyBadger

You were saying he could be forced to conceive a pregnancy and when challenged came out with that implying his only option would be to force her to use contraception.

It's all there. Read it back and be honest with yourself what your line of thinking reveals.

No , I wasn't. Biscuit
TheHoneyBadger · 10/12/2020 17:13

-a man can't be forced to make a baby
-what so he has the right to force her to use a condom?
-err no he can just choose not to put his penis inside her and ejaculate. Why would you think otherwise?

Confused
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:13

@TheHoneyBadger

You were saying he could be forced to conceive a pregnancy and when challenged came out with that implying his only option would be to force her to use contraception.

It's all there. Read it back and be honest with yourself what your line of thinking reveals.

It doesn't reveal anything. I don't have an agenda unlike many PP who are posting far worse than I yet everyone is challenging me for daring to see the side of males.
Peanutbutterjelly10 · 10/12/2020 17:14

I've had 2 cases of harassment one in the workplace, one out of the workplace.
Been in an abusive relationship with a man and over the years have been sexualised by men. Catcalled at 14 years old walking down the street. It's only the past couple of years I've actually woken up to the societal problem we all have. It's awful and it makes me so so angry. I'm ashamed to say in my younger years I just put up with it and laughed along to the "banter" (it isn't). Not anymore though

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:14

@TheHoneyBadger

-a man can't be forced to make a baby -what so he has the right to force her to use a condom? -err no he can just choose not to put his penis inside her and ejaculate. Why would you think otherwise?

Confused

Not engaging you any further @TheHoneyBadger, you're coming across like a bully now.
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 17:14

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Did you miss the PP who said that it's a case of when and not if with men? Or the many PPs saying I'm an apologist?[/quote]
Well going by your posts you are an apologist. Or an whataboutterist at best.

Considering the majority of women WILL at some point in their lives(it starts really young too) suffer at least once at the hand of a man (harassment, sexual assault,rape ,sexism,mysoginy,abuse etc) , PP is not wrong that it's a matter of when not if.

balihai550 · 10/12/2020 17:15

Preach OP. Fucking preach. Absolutely over men in general.

TheHoneyBadger · 10/12/2020 17:15

Yeah cos seeing things from a male perspective is such a rare and brave act in this brutal matriarchy we're living in.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:16

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

No.

All women at some point suffering this does not mean that all men will do it. Ridiculous argument.

I am a whatabout ist yeah. But I've never once posted anything to suggest I'm an apologist.

I think the vast majority of people in life understand that not all men are monsters which is not what is being repeatedly peddled on this thread.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:17

@TheHoneyBadger

Yeah cos seeing things from a male perspective is such a rare and brave act in this brutal matriarchy we're living in.
Didn't claim to be rare or brave.

Just my opinion. Im allowed one.

exPR · 10/12/2020 17:19

‘Peddled’ ‘spouted’ - very telling choice of language when describing how women have been speaking.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:21

@exPR

‘Peddled’ ‘spouted’ - very telling choice of language when describing how women have been speaking.
Only if you have an agenda.
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:24

Is the idea just to post about males and allow comments about all men being the same and being over men and fuck men, (I have counted many yet PP continue to argue that this hasn't been said)is the plan just to bully, take the piss out of , misquote (ie that I am proudly being noble and rare) anyone off the thread that dares to disagree then?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 17:26

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@AccidentallyOnPurpose

No.

All women at some point suffering this does not mean that all men will do it. Ridiculous argument.

I am a whatabout ist yeah. But I've never once posted anything to suggest I'm an apologist.

I think the vast majority of people in life understand that not all men are monsters which is not what is being repeatedly peddled on this thread.[/quote]
I assume this is the comment you are referring to?

It's always a 'when' not 'if'with men

She didn't say all men or a particular man, implying that regardless of what man you meet he will at some point do something.

But men(in general) throughout a woman's life will do something to her . You just don't know when.. or which man.

The meaning Is blatantly obvious ffs and English is not even my native language.

If you agree that nearly all women at some point in their life will suffer at the hand of a man(any man) then yes, it's a question of when not if.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 17:27

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

I stand corrected on the meaning of that , but I think it's more ambigious than you make out.