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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

999 replies

PurpleFeather · 08/12/2020 21:54

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:22

Interesting that no PP has addressed my point about th comedy of female on male violence. Funny that.

Lovemusic33 · 10/12/2020 16:24

Well there are a lot more Male prisons than there are female which says something? (Unless women are just good at not getting caught 🤔) probably because men are armed with a penis.

I do know a couple genuine men but not many, my father is sexist as was my grandfather.

I have 2 teenage daughters, both vulnerable (ASD) and it scares me thinking about what they may have to experience growing up, luckily my eldest has no interest in boys and says she’s ‘bi sexual’, I really hope she finds a lovely girlfriend when she goes to uni and that she never has to put up with a ‘typical male”.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 16:26

@Coseynightin

I would wager that men are more physical and women are more emotional in abusive terms. Terms like hen pecked have been around for ages
So has "she made me do it".
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 16:30

Some posters on here really struggle to differentiate between discussion about men as a class and their precious Nigel(father,partner,brother etc.)

No not all men are like that. That's fucking obvious, but men as a class are violent,abusive,mysoginistic.

And unless your Nigel actively speaks out and acts accordingly, he is part of the problem.

MoonPomme · 10/12/2020 16:31

Im perfectly calm thanks.
No idea what you're actually talking about now.
I havent made any ridiculous statements.
I wont engage with you further now.

"18TheDogisBarkingAgain
Anyone sick of men don't read the papers today. Front page

Female jogger stabbed by a man
Female travellodge receptionist stabbed to death by a man
Man slit the throats of his two children
32 men arrested for child exploitation
Man wanted for assault"
What you really need to be asking, is 'is all of that as bad as women bashing men on the internet?'
Apparently some people think not.
Dick pandering enablers. Awful.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 16:32

OP I do get angry about the behaviour of males at times but I get equally as angry at man bashing.

Men kill ,rape,abuse etc us ,our children and other men.
We speak out against male violence.

Priorities....

SpaceOp · 10/12/2020 16:32

@Wheresmykimchi

Interesting that no PP has addressed my point about th comedy of female on male violence. Funny that.
Well, statistics (hilariously posted by someone trying to say that men are also very badly abused) show this isn't true. Then you came along and suggested that men don't report this violence so actually the statistics are fake. So I suspect most of us just rolled our eyes and decided to move on. Because it doesn't take a genius to work out that the number of men who have genuinely been physically scared are significantly less than women. That men, as a rule, are not being physically abused to the same degree that women are. That sexual abuse is definitely almost entirely done to women.
WiseOwlWan · 10/12/2020 16:36

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Some posters on here really struggle to differentiate between discussion about men as a class and their precious Nigel(father,partner,brother etc.)

No not all men are like that. That's fucking obvious, but men as a class are violent,abusive,mysoginistic.

And unless your Nigel actively speaks out and acts accordingly, he is part of the problem.

Yes. So true.
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:38

@SpaceOp turn on any soap and I guarantee at least weekly you will see a woman punch or slap a man.

Secondly....that's a terrible point about non report saying it doesn't happen. Would you say that about rape stats?

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:39

@MoonPomme

Im perfectly calm thanks. No idea what you're actually talking about now. I havent made any ridiculous statements. I wont engage with you further now.

"18TheDogisBarkingAgain
Anyone sick of men don't read the papers today. Front page

Female jogger stabbed by a man
Female travellodge receptionist stabbed to death by a man
Man slit the throats of his two children
32 men arrested for child exploitation
Man wanted for assault"
What you really need to be asking, is 'is all of that as bad as women bashing men on the internet?'
Apparently some people think not.
Dick pandering enablers. Awful.

My apologies. I think I've mixed you up with another poster here. I need to re read what was said by who.
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/12/2020 16:42

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@SpaceOp turn on any soap and I guarantee at least weekly you will see a woman punch or slap a man.

Secondly....that's a terrible point about non report saying it doesn't happen. Would you say that about rape stats?[/quote]
Seriously? That's your argument?

Turn on any soap and you'll see several men raping,abusing,killing women,children or other men.

The mental gymnastics are mind boggling.

SpaceOp · 10/12/2020 16:43

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@SpaceOp turn on any soap and I guarantee at least weekly you will see a woman punch or slap a man.

Secondly....that's a terrible point about non report saying it doesn't happen. Would you say that about rape stats?[/quote]
I don't know why I'm responding but ...

  1. I don't want soap operas. Not least because I don't think they have any bearing on real life.
  1. Anecdotally and from experts in the field, we know that rape reports are low but we don't hear the same about massive amounts of domestic violence. Eg organisations working on this will report significant anecdotal data from therapists etc. Police being called out but people not being charged etc in the context of rape/ other abuse of women. We just don't see the same re men suffering. I'm more than willing to concede that some abuse of men is not being reported, absolutely, but all the evidence we do have suggests that the vast bulk of unreported violence of this sort is not on men.
GreenlandTheMovie · 10/12/2020 16:43

Wheresmykimchi Interesting that no PP has addressed my point about th comedy of female on male violence. Funny that.

Well, if you've ever had any sort of formal university education, you will have learned that you stick to the question asked, and don't go off on a tangent and making up your own.

So why don't you (a) post on a forum yourself where the point can be addressed and/or (b) do your own research. Otherwise, the purpose of your question can only be mainly rhetorical and leading, in order to promote your own agenda.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:43

@AccidentalOnPurpose

If the post was in relation to the term she made me do it and I replied with hen pecked being a mitigation , would that be OK?

I'm not taking away from male violence. But I am pointing out that many of the posts on this thread would be unacceptable the other way round

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:45

@GreenlandTheMovie

Wheresmykimchi Interesting that no PP has addressed my point about th comedy of female on male violence. Funny that.

Well, if you've ever had any sort of formal university education, you will have learned that you stick to the question asked, and don't go off on a tangent and making up your own.

So why don't you (a) post on a forum yourself where the point can be addressed and/or (b) do your own research. Otherwise, the purpose of your question can only be mainly rhetorical and leading, in order to promote your own agenda.

I have , but I'm not sure when you needed a degree to be allowed an opinion.

There are many, many tangent posts here. My post was in direct opposition to many of the posts here , devils advocate if you will. Everyone on here has an agenda but it appears that is only acceptable if that is in agreement with the OP.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:47

@SpaceOp

Hmm why wouldn't you respond ?

You claimed that female on male comedy violence doesn't happen. I have gave you an example of where it does. You have dismissed it.

On your second point , I don't disagree. My original point was that more men than we believe are abused but are statistically less likely to report. You implied that this means they are fake statistics and my post was in response to that.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:49

@GlummyMcGlummerson

No woman "traps" a man into pregnancy. He's a big boy, he can use a condom, or heaven forbid, abstain. Even using a confirm he knows there's a small chance of impregnating a woman. It's an informed choice. Sex has been so very detached form it's very purpose - procreation - that seemingly men and women the world over are genuinely shocked when sex results in pregnancy.

Knowing what sex is for, a man cannot ever be "trapped".

So if a woman refuses to wear a condom and tells him she's on the pill, he had the right to insist he wears one whether she likes it not , does he?
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:51

@GlummyMcGlummerson are you seriously trying to suggest there has been no woman ever who has been aggressive and caused trauma to a man?

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:54

@MoonPomme

The car analogy is utter bullshit. Ive never had or been involved in a car accident. Ive done thousands of journeys in cars. Ive not slept with or been in relationships with thousands of men. A significant minority of the men I have been close to have raped or assaulted me, verbally abused me, cheated on me or been otherwise abusive. That's without all the random wankers on the street at work or online. Bullshit.. The determination of some to dismiss what hundreds of women are saying about their own experiences is weird, and fucking frustrating. There must be something driving it.
I've found the post I meant.

I definitely said I'm sorry you had this experiences and that I'm not taking away from it. But that I just don't think all men are like that (which was not directed at you but at the post r who said its a case of if and not when but the tag for them didn't work).

Having read all your posts I apologise profusely for the comment about talking a load of shit. It wasn't directed at you and I am truly sorry you've had the experiences you've had.

MoonPomme · 10/12/2020 16:54

Of course he has the right.
I doubt anyone here would say a man has no right to wear a condom.
How silly.
Bit predictable this turned into what about men though?
Same old really .

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:56

@MoonPomme

Of course he has the right. I doubt anyone here would say a man has no right to wear a condom. How silly. Bit predictable this turned into what about men though? Same old really .
It hasn't turned into anything.

Was this supposed to be a thread where we all just talk about men and don't mention that they can suffer too? And I'm the one with the agenda?

TheHoneyBadger · 10/12/2020 16:57

"So if a woman refuses to wear a condom and tells him she's on the pill, he had the right to insist he wears one whether she likes it not , does he?"

He can just choose not to have sex with her. Why do you not see that option? Weird

exPR · 10/12/2020 16:58

@Wheresmykimchi when you are so proudly playing devils advocate on a thread like this, what you are actually saying is ‘whatever happened to you isn’t that bad because not all men’, ‘violence against women isn’t that bad because some women are violent too’, ‘you can’t say women are domestically abused in greater numbers than men because men are too’.

You are undermining every experience shared here with your devils advocacy for no other reason than you don’t like the truth of what women have shared or fancy yourself a great contrarian.

I am going to go out on a limb and guess you don’t go onto the Reddit, twitch, Facebook and other forums where men openly and without censure talk about raping, stalking, beating and degrading women for their perceived bad behaviour with ‘not all women’.

The bad behaviour for men discussed here which you think we are being unfair about is murder, torture, control, abuse, exploitation, violence, aggression, discrimination.

The bad behaviour for women on the equivalent forums is usually ‘she won’t fuck me’ or ‘she won’t tolerate me being abusive’.

But yeah, like once on Eastenders yeah, a woman slapped a man yeah, so women should just shut up about men, cos that’s hypocrisy.

Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:58

@TheHoneyBadger

"So if a woman refuses to wear a condom and tells him she's on the pill, he had the right to insist he wears one whether she likes it not , does he?"

He can just choose not to have sex with her. Why do you not see that option? Weird

I didn't say that. My point was a PP claimed no man can be trapped into getting pregnant. Which is nonsense. That post was a continuation of that.
Wheresmykimchi · 10/12/2020 16:59

[quote exPR]@Wheresmykimchi when you are so proudly playing devils advocate on a thread like this, what you are actually saying is ‘whatever happened to you isn’t that bad because not all men’, ‘violence against women isn’t that bad because some women are violent too’, ‘you can’t say women are domestically abused in greater numbers than men because men are too’.

You are undermining every experience shared here with your devils advocacy for no other reason than you don’t like the truth of what women have shared or fancy yourself a great contrarian.

I am going to go out on a limb and guess you don’t go onto the Reddit, twitch, Facebook and other forums where men openly and without censure talk about raping, stalking, beating and degrading women for their perceived bad behaviour with ‘not all women’.

The bad behaviour for men discussed here which you think we are being unfair about is murder, torture, control, abuse, exploitation, violence, aggression, discrimination.

The bad behaviour for women on the equivalent forums is usually ‘she won’t fuck me’ or ‘she won’t tolerate me being abusive’.

But yeah, like once on Eastenders yeah, a woman slapped a man yeah, so women should just shut up about men, cos that’s hypocrisy.[/quote]
Your first line is offensive. I'm an ex abuse victim and would never say that about anyone. Nothing else to say that won't get me banned.