AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

@MoonPomme it’s your choice to call it, or not call it, what you want. I’m sorry if you felt pressured to name it.

That man is disgusting and dangerous and you did what you had to do to stay safe.

None of that makes his actions your fault. None of that means you deserved to feel as you did at the time or now.

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I adore my husband but he is a misogynist. The new head of the London Stock Exchange is a women who may or may not be gay (I have no idea and I don’t care either way but she has very short hair so this was the conclusion my husband jumped to) and my husband was all ‘box ticking exercise’ about it. Obviously I called him out on it, and reminded him that he has a daughter.
But yes, everyday sexism and misogyny are part of the life of women.
I have noticed that in the last 20 years, whistling of construction workers at women walking past is more rare.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/domesticabusevictimcharacteristicsenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019#:~:text=For%20the%20year%20ending%20March,100%20men%20(Figure%201).

fullfact.org/crime/are-third-domestic-abuse-victims-men/

The facts are it happens against both sexes. Women more so, but that will always be the case as the majority of women are physically weaker.

Of course in an ideal world none of this should be happening but as we dont live in an ideal world no such luck.

@QueefBee

It's always a 'when' not 'if'with men.

What a load of shit.

OP I do get angry about the behaviour of males at times but I get equally as angry at man bashing.

@sashagabadon

And there’s a female hiker currently missing presumed abducted in the Pyrenees at the moment. By a man I would imagine. Do male hikers ever get abducted by women?

Do males ever mislead women and get pregnant to trap them?

My analogy is as relevant as yours.

I'd rather accidentally have a child than be raped, beaten and murdered but perhaps that's just me.

@MoonPomme

The car analogy is utter bullshit. Ive never had or been involved in a car accident. Ive done thousands of journeys in cars. Ive not slept with or been in relationships with thousands of men. A significant minority of the men I have been close to have raped or assaulted me, verbally abused me, cheated on me or been otherwise abusive. That's without all the random wankers on the street at work or online. Bullshit.. The determination of some to dismiss what hundreds of women are saying about their own experiences is weird, and fucking frustrating. There must be something driving it.

We are not dismissing your experiences. at all. Incidentallyy I'm an abuse victim myself. But I don't believe that all men are awful. Many women have had more than one abusive partner - maybe there is something there about the type of men we can attract when vulnerable. I don't know.

But lots of women go on to have relationships with men that don't involve abuse.

Accepting that not everyone thinks most men are tossers is not negating your experience.

@ImAllOut

I'd rather accidentally have a child than be raped, beaten and murdered but perhaps that's just me.

That's not the point.

The point is that there are things sexes do to each other that the other doesn't. That's completely irrelevant to this whole argument

Your statistics (for last year, so I went to this year's) from ONS show that for every male who reports domestic abuse, there are three women who do. For sexual related crimes, 94% of victims were women:

"Data supplied from 28 police forces2,3 showed the victim was female in just under three-quarters (74%) of domestic abuse-related crimes recorded by the police in the year ending March 2020. This proportion was similar for the majority of offence categories. For domestic abuse-related sexual offences, the proportion of victims that were female was even higher, at 94% (Figure 3)."

Also interesting is that there's no useful data here about the sex of the people doing this abuse.

@SpaceOp

Your statistics (for last year, so I went to this year's) from ONS show that for every male who reports domestic abuse, there are three women who do. For sexual related crimes, 94% of victims were women:

"Data supplied from 28 police forces2,3 showed the victim was female in just under three-quarters (74%) of domestic abuse-related crimes recorded by the police in the year ending March 2020. This proportion was similar for the majority of offence categories. For domestic abuse-related sexual offences, the proportion of victims that were female was even higher, at 94% (Figure 3)."

Also interesting is that there's no useful data here about the sex of the people doing this abuse.

Please also factor in that females are far more likely to report. Why?

Because it is conditioned into men that they must be strong and brave and as a society we ridicule men being slapped and punched on a daily basis on TV.

Is that OK, PP?

Do males ever mislead women and get pregnant to trap them?

Well, they don't get pregnant, because they can't. But force women to get pregnant? Absolutely that happens.

I would wager that men are more physical and women are more emotional in abusive terms. Terms like hen pecked have been around for ages

But I don't believe that all men are awful
Neither do I, I have a great husband, I only have brothers who've always been alright, a father and grandfather who looked out for me more than my brothers and I pretty much free up around men and boys with no issues. It seems also that I'm probably one of the very rare women who has honestly never been assaulted or personally had trouble off a man. Possibly because I only dated women prior to meeting my husband and I married fairly young, so have never really been exposed to much.

I do however have many, many acquaintances who have had issues with boyfriends who have been dickheads and all I see around me (and indeed in my job) are stories of abuse and murder of women by men, who receive lenient sentences in most cases. I also used to work in hospitality which, for anyone who is not familiar, is absolutely full of male chefs and lecherous men "bantering" with waitresses young enough to be their daughters. I never had to warn a female team member for making inappropriate, harrassing comments towards 17 year old girls. I can't remember how many male team members I had to though.

Nobody has said all men are awful.
My post you quoted said a significant minority.
So not all or even most.
Maybe if you want to argue a point argue against something that has actually been said rather than something you have made up in your head.

Moonpomme, you may not say all men are awful but the title said "had it with men" It doesn,t say some men or misogynist men.

"OP I do get angry about the behaviour of males at times but I get equally as angry at man bashing."
Says it all really.
Man bashing on an anonymous forum is equally anger inducing to you as the behaviours of men that have been spoken about here including rape, trafficking, murder and child abuse.
Ok then.
Theres a problem, and its not with women.

[quote Coseynightin]@GlummyMcGlummerson

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/domesticabusevictimcharacteristicsenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019#:~:text=For%20the%20year%20ending%20March,100%20men%20(Figure%201).

fullfact.org/crime/are-third-domestic-abuse-victims-men/

The facts are it happens against both sexes. Women more so, but that will always be the case as the majority of women are physically weaker.

Of course in an ideal world none of this should be happening but as we dont live in an ideal world no such luck.[/quote]
Hmmm the problem is dear, that male victims of domestic abuse, the vast majority of the time, are gay men who are victims of other men. Gay men actually have very high rates of domestic abuse. So in short: it's men doing the abusing.

No woman "traps" a man into pregnancy. He's a big boy, he can use a condom, or heaven forbid, abstain. Even using a confirm he knows there's a small chance of impregnating a woman. It's an informed choice. Sex has been so very detached form it's very purpose - procreation - that seemingly men and women the world over are genuinely shocked when sex results in pregnancy.

Knowing what sex is for, a man cannot ever be "trapped".

I have a fast and sporty car. It's typically a blokes car but it's very much mine.

The guy at the drive thru leant over me in the drivers seat and asked DH in the passenger seat "you alright with the missus driving your car?"

I'm also so incredibly fed up of the expectation from everyone that because I'm a woman I'll be the one to organise Christmas visits, presents and cards. That I'll be the one to wrap the gifts and post the cards. That I'll be the one who sorts out the Christmas jumpers for the kids. That I'll be the one who waits in for the parcels. I've just had SIL in a snit because I have said she needs to ask HER BROTHER for HIS CHILDRENS wish lists because I'm at work and busy. Apparently she came to me because he's busy. So. Am. I!!

@LadyFlumpalot

I have a fast and sporty car. It's typically a blokes car but it's very much mine.

The guy at the drive thru leant over me in the drivers seat and asked DH in the passenger seat "you alright with the missus driving your car?"

I'm also so incredibly fed up of the expectation from everyone that because I'm a woman I'll be the one to organise Christmas visits, presents and cards. That I'll be the one to wrap the gifts and post the cards. That I'll be the one who sorts out the Christmas jumpers for the kids. That I'll be the one who waits in for the parcels. I've just had SIL in a snit because I have said she needs to ask HER BROTHER for HIS CHILDRENS wish lists because I'm at work and busy. Apparently she came to me because he's busy. So. Am. I!!

I drive a van and get many sexiest comments and a lot of weird looks but we all know that women are better drivers 😉, it’s my dream to get my HGV license.

@Lovemusic33 we are certainly less aggressive! I've been chased down the A303 by two blokes in a rented van once because I gasp overtook them! They took offence and started driving up my bumper, pulling in front and brake checking me etc.

I'd LOVE to drive a lorry! It's a proper skill!

Honestly if you can stomach living with it get your Nigel into a conversation about rape conviction rates or the need for enthusiastic consent or how as a woman it is rational to see men as a threat and keep the conversation going rather than letting it be quickly swept under the rug. Then report back on how it goes.

Try it with your lovely dad too.

It's actually depressing to face the reality of what men think and believe.

Anyone sick of men don't read the papers today. Front page

Female jogger stabbed by a man
Female travellodge receptionist stabbed to death by a man
Man slit the throats of his two children
32 men arrested for child exploitation
Man wanted for assault

That's ignoring anything that isn't violent a man has been arrested for eg drugs.

Got depressed, went onto social media hoping to see some cute dogs. Nope. An ex senior public servant cleared of molesting a female subordinate has been arrested for doing it again.

Put on an old hells kitchen instead to ignore all the crap in the world and the male contestants are making sexist and gross comments about Miss TEEN USA.

I think I'll just have a nap.

@MoonPomme

Nobody has said all men are awful. My post you quoted said a significant minority. So not all or even most. Maybe if you want to argue a point argue against something that has actually been said rather than something you have made up in your head.

Calm yourself down. I replied to your post and then if youl see I took s paragraph to make it clear what the other bit was for.

I quoted you with the words 'what a load of shit' and that was my only response to you because it was such a ridiculous statement I wasn't responding further. The second bit wasn't at you.

YANBU, OP.

I’m tired, and I’m furious. I thought things would improve but I swear we’re losing fights I thought were settled years ago.

My lovely DS came home from his first term at university. “Mum, I thought you were exaggerating about how badly men treat women. Listening to my flatmates... I swear, it’s like they don’t see girls are humans.”

He speaks up when he can because he’s a decent soul, but he’s been pretty stunned.