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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

999 replies

PurpleFeather · 08/12/2020 21:54

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

OP posts:
yetanothernamitynamechange · 09/12/2020 22:58

@INB4 - if you go onto reddit (I am sure you are familiar with the site) you will find much much worse descriptions of women than the description you quoted. Also, if you were moved to write a similar quote about women because you had spent your life since the age of 8 being harrassed and fearing physical/sexual assault at the hands of women and had watched your friends suffer the after effects of the same and when you complained your female friends and relatives said "Not all Women, calm down" or blamed you then please be assured, I would have EVERY sympathy with your point of view. But generally, when men are angry at women it is because women won't sleep with them, or have embarrassed them somehow (or god forbid criticised them). The women here are expressing their anger because they have been deeply hurt in the past or scared or both, usually repeatedly. If you actually cared about not being tarred with the same brush as "those people" you would be actually working to prevent male violence and hold other men accountable, not post in a thread where women have talked about being raped with a whine about your hurty feelings.

yetanothernamitynamechange · 09/12/2020 22:59

Also, when men attack women we are generally just relieved if they do it with words alone

ScienceSensibility · 09/12/2020 23:00

User, don’t get me started on that 50 Shades abomination. I will never understand how abuse can be a turn on.

MoonPomme · 09/12/2020 23:01

Yea calm down women.
Namalt.
Fucking boring same old shit.
How many do i think are sex offenders?
Depends what you think is a sexual offence?
Is shouting obscenities in the street a sex offence?
Probably not.
Is writing your number in a 15yo girls pizza box with the offer of free pizzas for sex a sex offence?
I dont know.
Is threatening to touch women in the street as they're walking to work a sex offence?
Is taking of a condom part way through sex a sex offence?
Obviously. But who's gonna do anything about it.
Is saying vile shit to a woman you're dating so that shes scared to do anything other than pander and then get out as soon as she can a sex offence?
No idea on the law side but im traumatised by an experience like this.
By a nice respectable man.
I doubt he thinks hes a sex offender.
But he hurt me. And he felt entitled to hurt me and probably doesnt even care if he hurt me or not..
But i should just calm down.
Can we only complain when we're literally being raped and murdered or do we have your permission to moan about all the other stuff that makes life that little bit shitter on the day to day?

AuntyPasta · 09/12/2020 23:04

Over 55,000 rapes were reported in England and Wales in 2019. Thousands went unreported. Add on the thousands of sexual assaults that fell short of rape. Just think about those numbers.

yetanothernamitynamechange · 09/12/2020 23:05

@MoonPomme I think you are allowed to complain, but you have to constantly reinforce that you know that most men arent like that, and keep checking in with any men who may be listening to check that their feelings arent being hurt (and that you kow they arent like that). Also be careful to listen to any wise advice they may have on how to avoid such a situation in future. Men have very delicate dispositions so dont go too far in your description incase it upsets them. And dont forget to SMILE.

Emeraldshamrock · 09/12/2020 23:12

I think the #Metoo campaign made many men think of their behaviour over the years. I know DP asked did I ever feel pressured by him, I didn't.
I constantly say to the DC when one objects if they're playing "No means No" "Stop means Stop Now"
In my younger days I've felt pressured after saying no it's now I'm wiser those situations are clearer.
Over the years we'd a big group of friends the majority were affected some way some worse than others.

ScienceSensibility · 09/12/2020 23:16

We didn’t need INB4 to prove the point, but I think we can all agree he has done so in spectacularly tone deaf style.

MoonPomme · 09/12/2020 23:17

Yes. Im a terrible woman.
Sometimes I forget that mens feelings are the most important thing in the whole wide world.
Not women's lives, or safety or dignity.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be nice to be out in the world, working, partying, taking my kids to school, without the constant fucking tedium of mens entitlement to encroach on my space, time and sense of safety.
Lucky user is here to put me back in my place and remind me that his feelings matter more than my lived reality.

exPR · 09/12/2020 23:18

@ScienceSensibility

We didn’t need INB4 to prove the point, but I think we can all agree he has done so in spectacularly tone deaf style.
You have to hand it to him, he did a sterling job. By accident. Grin
ScienceSensibility · 09/12/2020 23:18

God, I wish there was a LIKE button on this site. So many wise, clever , insightful and apposite posts on this thread.

Yetanothernameetc love your post a few comments above this. Bravo.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2020 23:22

@yetanothernamitynamechange

I think I love you.

BigBaublesGalore · 09/12/2020 23:23

@YorkshireIndie

It annoys me that everything gender neutral is essential male
Yes yes yes!
MoonPomme · 09/12/2020 23:25

Apologies to user it was inb4 i should have referenced in my pp.

FoxyTheFox · 09/12/2020 23:27

It's insulting that you'd lump not only me but every decent man I've met in with these people. I understand you're angry but you need to calm down and really think about what you're saying.

Well thats it girls, time to pack up the thread and go calm down while we think about the upset we're causing. A Man has spoken using his Manly Opinions and now we should just be quiet as obviously his opinion on female issues is the only one that counts even though he has never experienced the world as a woman and has no direct knowledge of the women-centric experiences we are discussing.

BigBaublesGalore · 09/12/2020 23:31

@Rosalisa

YANBU. I was reading the "Rudest Behaviour from a Stranger" thread earlier, and while there were some pretty horrible things said and done by women, it wasn't women going about sexually assaulting or catcalling and intimidating people in sexually threatening ways.
There was thread like this a few months ago and it was extremely upsetting... I didn't even read the one you mention because I thought it would be much of the same 'men being nasty to women' and seems I was right going by what you've said
GlummyMcGlummerson · 09/12/2020 23:35

YANBU. I feel that women's rights have completely regressed. I actually have to stop thinking about it so much because it's so depressing.

We always need to remember to name the problem: men. That generates SO MUCH controversy that is laughable that people think the patriarchy doesn't exist

Nousernamehistory · 09/12/2020 23:36

YADNBU. Every relationship I've had has taught me to distrust men. They ALL have it in them.

exPR · 09/12/2020 23:44

YANBU. I feel that women's rights have completely regressed. I actually have to stop thinking about it so much because it's so depressing

I agree @GlummyMcGlummerson. In the last few years the hate for women seems to have expanded hugely.

I think a PP linked it to men feeling aggrieved because women are ‘taking’ things away from them - jobs, status and presumably a life where they get to be the big boss and a woman is grateful for their largesse. My friend’s husband says that thanks to women ‘the most discriminated against person in this country now is the middle class white man’. He’s a twat.

But he’s not alone - mediocre men are suddenly having to up their game and they don’t like it.

What’s that saying - when you are used to benefitting from privilege, equality feels like discrimination.

Yohoheaveho · 09/12/2020 23:50

You need to calm down and think about what you're saying
Or what?
You don't seriously imagine that we take direction from you ....do you 🤔

Coseynightin · 09/12/2020 23:52

Men kill and abuse more men than they do women on a daily basis.

Are you scared of getting into a car? I think the hyperbole in this thread is dangerous.

ImAllOut · 09/12/2020 23:56

@Coseynightin

Men kill and abuse more men than they do women on a daily basis.

Are you scared of getting into a car? I think the hyperbole in this thread is dangerous.

Is that supposed to make people feel safer about men?!
dhisreadingmypostsagain · 09/12/2020 23:58

@ScienceSensibility and that is the best thing I've read on mumsnet in a very long time. Thank you.

I'm sick to death of the pompous wankers.

MoonPomme · 09/12/2020 23:59

I am sometimes scared of getting into a car. I suffer from anxiety so if I'm not driving or I'm going somewhere I dont know well I do get scared.
Funnily enough in my 10 years of driving on a daily basis ive never had an accident or ever been involved in one where someone else was driving.
How many car journeys have I taken in my lifetime? Hard to say but I would guess hundreds of thousands.
How many men have i been intimate with that have raped me, hurt me, stealthed the condom off, verbally abused me, cheated on me or been otherwise abusive?
I can assure you ive not slept with hundreds of thousands of men so your stupid analogy is really not adding up from here.

MoonPomme · 10/12/2020 00:01

Thats not even including the random wankers in the street, at work or online.
Do cop yourself on dear.
Its embarrassing.