AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

My 18 year old son has just started his first year degree. He is planning to go into early years teaching so working with 0-3 year olds. He is the only boy in a class of 30 girls. He is constantly praised and told how amazing he is for doing this.
My stepdaughter is in her final year doing biomedical chemistry. Shes well on track for a first. Shes constantly put down and told she " doesnt know what shes talking about" and has had to swap male lab partners because they take over, refuse to listen to her and often hit on her.
Im very proud of both my kids of course. But when both are at very well respected Unis my son should not be made to be some kind of superhero for doing what is considered a traditionally female job, and my stepdaughter should not be constantly put down, talked over and ignored because shes doing whats traditionally seen as a mens job.

I am also fucking sick of it. It's everyday sexism, and it's draining. Women who don't see it really piss me off too. I still can't wrap my head round changing surnames to the man's name when getting married "just because".

'Just because' women actually used to be property of men, enshrined in law. They still are in some cultures.

@GettingUntrapped I know 😔 when you call it out for what it traditionally was (and still is in some cases), it's crazy. Your dad swapped you for a cow with your husband as a dowry payment.

@ScienceSensibility

I am with you, OP. 100%.

So fucking sick of the world I have to live in, because of men.

Take porn. The explicit violence towards women, all in service of the Male orgasm. Men and boys watching this shit and expecting their female partners to ‘act the porn star’.

I’m established in my career now, but every single day I will experience or observe some aspect of misogynistic behaviour in the workplace.

I almost wish they would all fuck off to an island somewhere, wank themselves to a frenzy watching the free porn, then start killing each other when there were no women to beat.
I’m so over the patriarchy.

Women watch or read violent porn against women as much sadly. Take 50 Shades.

@HitthatroadJack

When you see teens pushed to suicide because of "bitchy girls", you realise how hypocritical some posters can be when reality doesn't fit their little agenda. Some people WANT to hate and be right, who cares about anything else.

Oh, I know how bitchy teenage girls can be, I was bullied in school, and the verbal abuse from the girls was worse than the physical bullying from the boys in many ways.

But overall I've had more shit from boys/men over the years than from women. And that started at 7, and has been from a neighbours, friends older brothers, boys in school, random men on the street, on public transport, in pubs, online, a man I worked with*... and ranges from inappropriate comments all the way up to rape.

*Sorry, two men I've worked work. Just remembered, I worked a long time ago with a charming man who would make sexual comments about other women to me.

Basically it's too many incidents to remember. And then there's the times I've seen inappropriate behaviour from men towards other women..

Glad I'm not the only one.
Im sick of it.
Im so angry and tired.
After a really horrible almost traumatising date with a seemingly charming man that I've known for quite a while, who's mother, sisters and collegues that he works with as a teacher probably think is lovely, Im just done.
What is even the point of most of them, they're so porn sick and deep down hate us enough to be so shit in bed that they are literally useless to me.
I dont need a man for money, or company or sperm.
Its the little things as well as the big things, the excuses for them and the blame for us as a default position.
Its like instinct to lots of people including women.
It wears you down.
Ive got a younger sister and cousins, the shit they deal with is just horrific.
Not a week goes by where I dont have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with some men.

Comparing women reading the book of 50 shades with the massive porn industry is laughable 🙄.

I fear for my girls. Why is no one politically addressing the massive issue of the corrupting influence of porn on young men?

I’m not really sure what a ‘bitchy woman’ is. In my experience it might be a vindictive woman, an abusive woman, or it might just be a woman who doesn’t say sorry enough. ‘Bitchy woman’ has no place in a conversation about male violence.

Comparing women reading the book of 50 shades with the massive porn industry is laughable

It profits off sexual violence against women, yet no doubt people on here went out and bought it anyway.

Out of three current chats on online dating I've just blocked two of the guys, as they were immediately looking for 'pictures' and wanting to invite themselves over to my apartment. Going for a covid safe walk and coffee is 'too much hassle' and 'too cold'. They couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to invite someone I've never met straight into my home, and tried to push back my boundaries, and assuming and hinting that sex would be automatically on the table just because I answered a few online messages from them 🙄 such entitlement and lack of understanding why I am unwilling to take all the risks, and why its such a turn off to be treated like a blow up doll. But at least the third guy has been respectful and respecting my boundaries, and its so much more attractive. But it seems to rare. So, I hear you OP.

I think you'll find plenty of people on here were very critical of 50 Shades and the hugely questionable aspect of the plot. What exactly has 50 Shades got to do with rape porn?

Some people here probably did read that pile of shit 50 shades.
What percentage of women do you think read it?
A trashy book which no live women were physical harmed in the making of.
Compared to what percentage of men who pay to watch the rape and torture of women on the daily.
Im not saying 50 shades is harmless, its not.
But comparing one book to millions of videos including of children and trafficked women is clutching at straws to say the least.
This is what im talking about.
This is whats so fucking frustrating and anger inducing.
Millions of men. Get off. On the brutal abuse of live women.
But what about that women that wrote a shit book and some of you read it.
Seriously?
Cop yourself on love.

"and then the bad witch kicked the puppy and the puppy cried and was really hurt"
That was a very short story I just wrote about the tragic kicking of a puppy. It was not well written. It was a bit distasteful. It would be wierd if you actually enjoyed reading it since it was crap. But it is not the same as me finding an actual puppy, and filming myself kicking it and lots of people paying money to watch it. Because in that example an actual puppy got hurt.

@FoxyTheFox

Its not the responsibility of women to change the behaviour of men, we are not here to fix them. Even the suggestion that is down to women to "be the change" is fucking misogyny at its finest because ultimately society views men as responsible solely for themselves while women are responsible for everything and everyone else. Man rapes? Woman must have done something to entice him. Man murders? Woman must have done something to anger him. Man says something sexist? Woman should grow a thicker skin. And on it goes.

This all the way. It's unbelievable. At what age should I start to train my daughter to behave in a way that won't attract negative attention from grown fucking men? She's 9 now, do I have a while or do I have a couple of years? And where can I buy the handbook? So many questions.

*But if anyone does want to offer me a lucrative publishing deal I am open to offers

@Rosalisa

Great post *@TheGoodEnoughWife*. It reminds me of a meme I once saw. It said something like, "you say you're protectors. Who is it that you are protecting us FROM?"

Male on female violence really does benefit all men.

It's a protection racket

@MoonPomme

Some people here probably did read that pile of shit 50 shades. What percentage of women do you think read it? A trashy book which no live women were physical harmed in the making of. Compared to what percentage of men who pay to watch the rape and torture of women on the daily. Im not saying 50 shades is harmless, its not. But comparing one book to millions of videos including of children and trafficked women is clutching at straws to say the least. This is what im talking about. This is whats so fucking frustrating and anger inducing. Millions of men. Get off. On the brutal abuse of live women. But what about that women that wrote a shit book and some of you read it. Seriously? Cop yourself on love.

It just reinforces the idea that women are playthings and objects. I think it's fair enough to object to that. Maybe it sounds annoying but only because women have to make noise about this kind of thing. Or it would be largely ignored. It brings me back to the Belfast rugby players rape trial, it was the woman that was on trial and no mistake.

We see that the emperor has no clothes.
What next?
Keep calling it out and describing it I suppose.
Never forget that it's real.
I want sovereignty!

There are issues to take up with 50 Shades of Grey but the impact that had on the sexual exploitation of women versus freely available, mainstream ‘legal’ porn is incomparable.

I had no idea until recently that a lot of the content on the mainstream porn sites is actually illegal.
I can’t remember who is doing it but there is a group who are monitoring the uploads and there are videos of children and underage teens and the real life rape of women being added to these sites and no one is forcing the site owners to take it down because the majority of users, men, are watching it and not complaining.

I naively thought that there had to be some form of regulation and clear consent for these sites - which are free and open to access without any form of age or identity check.

I was very wrong.

The recent case in Ireland of a man uploading thousands of pics of women and underage girls to a twitch stream showed the true face of men’s attitudes to porn - if the sluts didn’t want the pictures to be shared and their lives ruined, they should have kept their clothes on. Men have a right to wank over these pictures and then ruin the life of the women in them.

The images were a mix of selfies women had sent to partners, pics taken without consent and only fans paid for content. Some of the girls were under age so it was a child sex offence. Except in Ireland it isn’t illegal to share someone’s naked image without their consent.

Grown men in positions of power blamed the women and girls whose rights were violated and said the man responsible shouldn’t have his life ruined for one mistake because of those women. Not his own actions but the actions of the women.

More value was assigned to the reputation of one man who carried out a despicable act than the thousands of woman who were violated.

And the women who worked their guys out to expose this man and support the victims were sent death and rape threats for having the nerve to say they had rights.

I wonder what would happen if I made a similar post attacking women? No doubt I'd be labelled a misogynist. It's fine to attack men though. If I took this post:

'Yanbu, men are in the main, dick heads. Not all, but many. Selfish, entitled, arrogant, completely oblivious to their privileges'

And replaced 'men' with 'women', I wonder what the reaction would be. You say you dislike men's sexist chat but react with equal amounts of sexism. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

How many men do you think are sex offenders? Do you think it's enough to attack all men for? It's insulting that you'd lump not only me but every decent man I've met in with these people. I understand you're angry but you need to calm down and really think about what you're saying.

No idea why you're quoting my post.
The book is trash and its harmful to women, lots of us objected to it at the time.
Comparing one shit book to a multi million pound porn industry in which real live women and children are actively harmed is a nonsense..
Its not comparable and anyone comparing a shit book to the rape and torture of millions of women and children is a massive part of the problem and probably sick in the head.

Yes we need to do as @INB4 says and calm down. Fuck that. We need to get more angry and less accepting.

@INB4. We know what we are saying, you don't.
Thanks anyway, but no thanks, I don't want to dance with you. Mainly because I don't feel I can be myself, but have to act a very limiting version of myself.
I'm afraid, it's, fuck off.
I am my own person, no matter how you might try to convince me that I am wrong if I'm not a puppet dancing to your tune.
Sad for you. Have you got anything else going on?

I wonder what would happen if I made a similar post attacking women? No doubt I'd be labelled a misogynist. It's fine to attack men though

Depending on where you posted it, you’d probably get a lot of positive feedback. Including from some users of this site. That’s the reality, not some half assed ‘gotcha’ to get us all to agree we are man hating harpies and sowwy for upsetting the menz.

It IS fine to attack men who abuse, belittle and disrespect women and to challenge the ‘good men’ and women who’d rather have an easy life under the paternal gaze of misogyny than do something about it.