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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your baby cut off age would be

504 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 17:42

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

OP posts:
PirateCatQueen · 09/12/2020 04:11

I think your question is judgemental and distasteful OP

MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat · 09/12/2020 04:43

I didn't have an age limit but I'd have kept going and going. I was desperate for children and am very fortunate to have had roughly as many as I want, roughly when I wanted them.

Once I had one child, the cut off limits for subsequent ones was more about the age gap in comparison to siblings anyway, and for that i had a minimum but not a maximum.

borntohula · 09/12/2020 04:44

I'm 32 and feel too old.

EndemicPanda · 09/12/2020 04:54

I wanted to be done and dusted by 35. I had my DS at 33. If I'd been desperate for another and wants to leave things a bit longer between the births I would have said maybe I'd consider pregnancy at 36 or possibly 37. No later though, having considered the data.

Original poster
Allthestarsarecloser · 09/12/2020 05:08

@PirateCatQueen why is it it distasteful to discuss age & having kids? And why is it judgemental?

I haven’t judged anyone and nor would I? Why is it a topic that we can’t discuss? Literally everything gets discussed on mumsnet- why on earth would this be off limits? I asked for people’s thoughts and said myself that because of tiredness, I couldn’t imagine having a baby at 46 but, as my friend proves, many people can.

It’s a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to have a conversation about. I am not judging anyone and said in my post that I appreciate that it’s not straightforward for many people.

OP posts:
nevergoingoutagain · 09/12/2020 05:30

My ideal was 35, I got pregnant with my 3rd at 35 and had her at 36. I was definitely a harder pregnancy than the 2 I had at 29 and 31. I'm 43 and think no way now! BUT if I hadn't had babies already I wouldn't have been so bothered. Starting in my 40s would be ok, starting AGAIN in my 40s....no thank you!

I also have fibromyalgia now but was super fit in my mid 30s so I think that would make a huge difference!

TerraMirabilis · 09/12/2020 06:02

40 is the cut off for me which is fast approaching. I've had a decade of big life events: marriage, kids, career change, house purchase. Want my 40s to be more about finding myself again. Could not summon the energy for another one tbh.

middleager · 09/12/2020 06:19

I had two at 32, unplanned.

My cut off would be 40.

That said, I have been lucky. Ifell pregnant easily and never factored kids into my life previously.

I can't even imagine what it must be like for those who desperately want children, but are struggling to conceive, or those who are only in the right position later in life. In their position, I wouldn't have a cut off.

TheresSnowHelpForUs · 09/12/2020 06:22

35

BikeRunSki · 09/12/2020 06:31

40, I had them at 37 and 40.

Ploughingthrough · 09/12/2020 06:34

Ideally 30 but if it hadn't have happened I guess I would have carried onto 38ish.
My parents were older and became unwell when I was still quite young. I didn't want that for my own DC tbh. I was lucky to be able to have them at 26 and 29. Obviously anything can happen at any age but the fact is the risk for many things increase with age.

Whataboutnodontyouunderstand · 09/12/2020 06:48

Had my one and only daughter at 25, 30 was my cut off, I want to be done with younger years by the time in 40. But as other posters say had I struggled to concieve things would be different :)

Piwlyfbicsly · 09/12/2020 07:14

Up to 43 years old (if I had no children).
However... I’m in my middle 30s with 2 children. And I feel like it’s way too late for the third one. Deep inside I want one more child but I’m not the same as I was in my late 20s when my children were born.

Nonamesavail · 09/12/2020 07:17

Inhad my first at 16 and last at 29. No way would I have another now, I had so much more energy at 16!

AllChange2020 · 09/12/2020 07:33

Had my first 6 months ago (at 35). Didn't feel ready to have a family before then.

Would like another but not ready yet. The plan is to start trying when DS is 1 and if it doesn't happen by the time I'm 38 (I'm 36 now), I'll stop trying. Can't see myself dealing with a newborn/toddler in my 40s.

1 is a blessing, a second would be a bonus.

Dinosauraddict · 09/12/2020 07:39

My DM was diagnosed with dementia at age 50. My cut off would've been 35. No child should have to go through what I went through. It would've been worse had I been a lot younger IMO.

TeddyBeans · 09/12/2020 07:46

My initial ideal was to be done by 30 but that didn't happen so it's now 35. I've got one lovely DS and a new partner so hopefully more kids are in the not-too-distant.

I agree with a previous poster though, if I didn't have any and I wanted kids I would keep trying as long as my body was able

Atrixie · 09/12/2020 08:34

I had my last at 36. I'm now 46 and I can't imagine having a baby but I certainly don't feel any older than I did in my 20's so I feel confident I could do it if I wanted to and was successful. I know lots of people who had first babies at 42, 43 and certainly don't think of them as too old. I had my first at 28 and look back in shock at how young I was.

Scarby9 · 09/12/2020 08:41

Like @TableCat mine was 30, but in my case life didn't work out the way I had hoped / expected / planned.

TeddyDidIt · 09/12/2020 08:42

I'm all done with 3DC at 36, but my cutoff would have been 38, as I hope to retire at 60 with the DC through further education. However, if I really wanted DC and didn't have any, I doubt I would have a cutoff age.

DiesalFive · 09/12/2020 08:43

It was 35, but at 30 I found out I have fertility issues. I'm 36 now, and still trying.

amusedbush · 09/12/2020 08:44

DH and I don’t have kids and we’re both 99% sure that we don’t want them. I’ve never wanted them but he has always been slightly more open to it than me.

We’re both 30 and we’ve agreed that if we haven’t changed our minds by 36, it’s off the table entirely.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 09/12/2020 08:45

I was 35 and 38 but wouldn't rule another out - I'm 40 now

seethingatmydesk · 09/12/2020 09:20

I had my DS (unplanned) before I was even out of my teens and after that always said I wanted to be done by age 30.

Well - life didn’t work out that way. A big Relationship breakup, followed by other unsuitable relationships meant I stretched my max age to 35... however I am now 34 and still haven’t had any more DC, but would love another 1-2 with my DP of 2 years who hasn’t yet had any kids.

I feel like I’d like to be done by 37/38 even if it means having two close together or only having one.

We just aren’t quite ready as want to buy a house first, hoping we can crack on with TTC within a year.

Festivespooks · 09/12/2020 09:35

35 was /is my cutoff. No more for me anyway
I had one at 20 though and can't imagine going into my 40s! 😂

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