To ask what your baby cut off age would be

[Allthestarsarecloser]

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

@LouScot

I knew this thread would probably be touchy for me and it was . I'm grateful so many posters have empathy and realise that for some of us would absolutely love to be giving birth aged 43, 44, 45...we might all agree that yes, you have more energy in your 20s/early 30s - although huge thanks to those posters who said they felt fine at an older age - but life sometimes has funny ways...

I think the best age is the age your much wanted first /last /only baby came /comes along..

Exactly! Who cares how old you are! As long as the child is wanted, and by God there are alot of unwanted poor mites out there, nothing else matters!! Xx

For me the ‘ideal’ cut off would be 35.

for me ideal cut off would have been 29, i wanted my kids in my 20's .
dc1 born at 30, dc2 at 31 im now 34 and don't feel finished and want another, but for reasons other than age i doubt it will happen.

32. I've got 2 dc. Eldest will be 16 when I'm 40.

When we were thinking about a cut off for trying for our second I had 38 in my head.

35 tops.

No way in hell would I be having babies after that. Even though a woman of 44-45 may feel youthful and full of the joys of spring, having a baby at that age is absolutely crazy. It's bloody hard work, and tiring when you're 15-25 years younger. Having one at 44-45? NO WAY.

Also, there is no getting away from the fact she will be taking her infant to primary school in her FIFTIES, and will be a pensioner when said child goes to uni.

I have known around a dozen people with much older parents (had them past the age of 42,) and the majority of them said it was embarrassing for them to have parents who looked like their granny or grandad. And most of them lost their parents when they were only in their twenties or thirties.

OR they ended up having to be a carer for an ailing elderly parent when they were only in their 20s. Or when they were in their thirties and had young kids of their own. So it was a very stressful time.

Again, the 'my auntie foofoo is 103 and skydives every week, cycles 27 miles a day, and has worked since she was 11, without a single day off sick' brigade will no doubt be around soon... But the reality is, that for most people, their natural shelf life of good health is around 65. Some are even younger.

There is also a much higher likelihood of there being problems. With the pregnancy, the birth, and beyond.

Despite the bizarre 'you're just a spring chicken at 55, and can start your life over' mantra that some people have on here, with their 'I am 56 and run a marathon every day' type of line; in reality, most people will start to tire out, have less energy, and feel more knackered and worn out when they hit middle age. (45-48.)

The thought of having young primary age kids, and all the shit that goes along with it, when you're about to hit 50 is utterly horrific.

I don't envy ANYone who has babies after the age of 41/42. Must be a glutton for punishment.

I guess for me too it’s the fact that I will be 57 when my youngest is 18 and possibly goes to uni- I probably won’t have an empty next until my early 60’s completely - it’s the thought of being in my mid 50s with a primary age child that would scare me now I think as I am so knackered already 🤣

I’ve had my first (Only so far) at 21. He’s 2 now and I’m quite enjoying the baby/toddler years (it’s bloody hard too though). I’m thinking instead of having two close together and being young and done, I’ll wait a bit longer and spread them out. I have no cut off age but I realise that if I leave it too late I may end up spending 40 years worth of my life raising young children! At the same time, I don’t want an empty nest before I’m 50! There’s no pleasing me...I don’t think there is a right or wrong age to have children

@LouScot

The OP asked for peoples views and opinions. The ones saying no WAY would they have babies over 40 are not 'wrong.' They are entitled to their opinions.

It doesn't mean people 'lack empathy' if they would never want a baby past the age of 40. I think you're projecting a bit!

I had mine early 30s but having hellish time with one of them (now a teenager) I really wouldn't have want to have to go through the same in my late 50s or early 60s.
40 was the absolute cut off for me in theory but I have not issues conceiving so cannot possibly understand how it feels.

I was 35 and 38 and I would of much preferred to have been younger, however didn't meet dh until I was 30 and had a terrible time getting pregnant, a still birth and 2 mc.

Ideal age would of been around 28 but I was single at that age, cut off would have been 40 but who knows!

I wouldn't have a cut off, if I really wanted a child I'd always hope until menopause.

That said, I had DC at 30 and 33, I'm 35 now and I'm 99% certain no more.

40. I spent all of my 30's trying to conceive and I was lucky to have a DD. As my DD got older I felt I needed to come to terms with the fact I wasn't going to have anymore children. I needed to move on and focus on what I had and not what I couldn't have!

Thank you @ClaireP20 and @BooFuckingHoo2

My personal ideal cut-off was 35 and that has worked out. I was in a position to plan around that cut-off. I would have probably gone higher in reality if I hadn’t had children by 35 but I wouldn’t have wanted to go into my 40s. I have always been very firm on that.

My mum had me at 36 and I always felt she was rather old: and my teenage years clashed with her menopause which was awful for both of us. Now I’ve got my own teens and I’m looking after her too. I think in your 20s must be ideal really, but maybe I’m short of patience!

I was 21, 27 and 30 when I had my children and I knew I was "done" by 31.

I became a grandmother at ages 41 & 45.

At age 49, I got a year-long temporary custody of my three grandchildren. I was honestly completely shattered and exhausted every single one of those days.

I always said 30.
Had dd at 25- almost 26

Spent the next 4 years wanting another and dh wad absolutely set against (medical and genetic issues)

Age 29 was awful I was like a mad woman thinking this is my last chance

Hit the 30 barrier- have an almost 5 year old...And my end point stuck

I'm really struggling in this pregnancy at 33. So I'll be stopping now.

If I was trying for my first then I don't know. The urge it's strong but likely not past 40/41.

30, but I had my first at 22 so didn't want a large gap and starting again. I always said when I was young I wanted my children by 30, on reflection by 35 would have been fine. I do have a successful career despite my young maternal age, met DH at school (always feel the need to explain/defend myself ha!)

30 was mine, but it was more for age gap purposes than age. I had DS1 at 27 and DS2 at 31 because of length of time trying to conceive.

A friend of mine has just turned 46 and has a son the same age as DS1- so would have had him at 42. She's now with a new partner and considering another. I couldn't do it, but she has tonnes more energy than I do!

Dh is dead against having children later on, say in 10 years time when we'd be 42. PIL did this and while they now want to wind down and be on endless holidays, they're still having to deal with two BIL's who are just at university age and a pain in the arse. I can't imagine dealing with teenagers in my 60's.

I guess I have no idea how much "better" I've had been younger but I had my twin pregnancy at 37, I'm fat and not overly fit. They're now 1 and I can peripherally remember it hurting to sit down towards the end etc but I can't really remember it. I'd totally have another if we had money, hands and space

I think it depends.
I'm 35 with a 3 and 5 (almost 6) year old and I definitely couldn't have any more. But if I didn't have any (so wasn't so tired) then maybe around 40 would be my cut off

Personally,38
I luckily had my two ivf babies by 35 and I knew that risks can increase after that.
By early 40's I was feeling tired so glad I'd done my "little people bit" before.
I would have loved a 3rd but ran out of time-sometimes I think the biological clock also plays it's part in the desire for another.
I'm so so grateful for the two amazing children I do have ,and at 48 am loving now having some freedom with the exciting thought that in maybe 20 years time I'll be a granny.🤞🏻

Mine was 40.
But that was mine/My life. Wouldn't judge anyone else