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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your baby cut off age would be

504 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 17:42

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

OP posts:
booearing · 08/12/2020 21:30

I had my children at 19, 20, 28, 35 and 37.
I knew i was finished when i had my last at 37.
She is 5 now and i am 43 and she is definitely the last.
When i was expecting Dc 3 a lady near me was 48 and our babies were due a few days apart.
I didn't have an age cut off i just felt done when she was born.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 08/12/2020 21:31

Met DH at 35, DD born at 40. 44 now and longing for DC2 but 5 mc so no cut off for me, will keep trying and hope for a miracle

Not very kind to hear disapproval from others about my age that have no idea about people's heartbreak

Some people are dick heads. I’m sure you’re a bloody fab mum and will be again if luck is on your side Flowers you’re 45 not 65 so ignore the ignorant self righteous idiots who call you selfish!

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 08/12/2020 21:33

I suppose 40 for me as I’m 40 now and would really struggle with another pregnancy, birth and newborn now. I just don’t have it in me to go through it again now.

I had my kids at 35 and 39 and my goodness I felt the difference in my energy levels the second time around!!

However, if I hadn’t had any kids yet then I’d keep trying for as long as possible with no specific age limit.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2020 21:36

@LoungeLizardLhama

Ideally for me 30. As it is I had them at 35 and 36. I feel too old and tired to be a good parent to them although it may be I’m in a vicious circle of being a crap parent so not getting enough sleep as I’m still in their beds with them at 10pm most nights so doing crap parenting because I’m so tired 😫
Doing what you need to do to get through doesn't sound like crap parenting
FilthyforFirth · 08/12/2020 21:37

35 personally. But I was lucky to have my first at 32 and my 2nd a few weeks ago at 35. I am done now. However, I was desperate for a 2nd (even knowing I would suffer from HG again) so if it hadnt happened on my ideal timetable I probably would have carried on.

I wish I had finished slightly earlier but didnt get together with DH until 28.

LouScot · 08/12/2020 21:37

I knew this thread would probably be touchy for me and it was Hmm. I'm grateful so many posters have empathy and realise that for some of us would absolutely love to be giving birth aged 43, 44, 45...we might all agree that yes, you have more energy in your 20s/early 30s - although huge thanks to those posters who said they felt fine at an older age - but life sometimes has funny ways...

I think the best age is the age your much wanted first /last /only baby came /comes along..

rattusrattus20 · 08/12/2020 21:38

Not sure really. I suppose maybe something like 45 after the birth of my second child, whichever came first.

silverfonze · 08/12/2020 21:42

Very hard to keep employed at decent wage in 50s and wouldn't want the stress of trying to save for retirement and pay for teens when possibly facing unemployment's

TheGoogleMum · 08/12/2020 21:44

I'd say 36? Although I may not even have any more. I had DD at 30. I dont think I would have the energy for a toddler at 40, i barely do now- I'm not very fit!

Rufus27 · 08/12/2020 21:44

I’m nearly 49 with a three and four year old. Not how I’d expected things to turn out, but as it happens, I feel I’m a better parent now than I would have been in my 20s or 30s. Both children have SEN and at least in my 40s I can afford to work part time and give them more of me than I could have done previously. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

Daisy12Maisie · 08/12/2020 21:45

I've been feeling exhausted lately and my kids are 11 and 13. I'm 38. As well as working lots of hrs I feel like the cooking, cleaning, tidying is relentless. I dont think I would have the energy for a baby/ toddler as well now. But I'm single parent and I work 60 hrs ish a week. If I could afford to work part time or had a partner it might be different. Each to their own.

Rufus27 · 08/12/2020 21:46

@LouScot

I knew this thread would probably be touchy for me and it was Hmm. I'm grateful so many posters have empathy and realise that for some of us would absolutely love to be giving birth aged 43, 44, 45...we might all agree that yes, you have more energy in your 20s/early 30s - although huge thanks to those posters who said they felt fine at an older age - but life sometimes has funny ways...

I think the best age is the age your much wanted first /last /only baby came /comes along..

Absolutely.
Rachie1973 · 08/12/2020 21:47

I foster my grandchildren due to feckless parents. They’re 18 months and 9 weeks. I’ve had the older one since 13 months and the baby from birth. I’m 47

I’m exhausted! All the time lol, I’m lucky, the baby is sleeping through the night now, relatively early thank heavens or I think I’d be on Prozac!

Good luck and huge admiration to anyone that chooses a baby this late!

Oneweekleft · 08/12/2020 21:50

35 is the oldest I'd like to be. But I've already got 3 dc now and I'm 34 so I'd say my cut off was 32 when I had ds3. I understand older people wanting children though.

JamesMoriarty · 08/12/2020 21:50

I'm 28. About 32ish for me but only because I had my one and only at 19 and I wouldn't want a gap any bigger than that. So not so much to do with my age but the gap between children. Chances are I won't have another anyway.

ChnandlerBong · 08/12/2020 21:51

I very nearly went for DC3 aged 42 but life intervened.

DSis had DC1 aged 42. He is an absolute joy. Ideally she might have been younger - but that's life. He has 2 fabulous parents and a loving family and the only tragedy is that he won't have a younger sibling.

There's no such thing as an ideal age. You deal with what you are given. Energetic parents in their twenties? Experienced parents in their 40s? Who's to say which is better?

MissSunnyDays · 08/12/2020 21:53

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Fishfingersandwichplease · 08/12/2020 22:06

I told myself 40 although the
decision was made for me as l couldn't have a second - l had my one and only at 35.

beckymum · 08/12/2020 22:08

I was 45 when I had my last, he is so wonderful and very much loved and adored. I do my best to stay fit. I didn't find the baby stage hard, I love that bit. But at 47 now, I'm done.

Timeturnerplease · 08/12/2020 22:08

It’s very easy for people to have a cut off when they know they can have children.

It took us six years to conceive DD, starting when I was 26. After another two years of treatment and losses, I am now potentially pregnant with our second at the age of 34.

I know that’s relatively young, but my partner is 15 years older than me and I AGONISED about carrying on treatment once he hit 45. It’s so hard to stop when you think the next try might do it. The decision to have a second wasn’t taken lightly, believe me, but we wholeheartedly want her to have a sibling.

I will have to live with the guilt of DP delaying fatherhood to allow me to progress in my career (we met when I was 21) for the rest of my life. Reading these posts, I can only hope that DD doesn’t hate us for our choices.

Bonsai49 · 08/12/2020 22:10

I set my limit for number 3 at 40 - it didn’t happen . Now I’m nearing 50 I think that I could have realistically tried for another couple of years . My 2 are close in age and a 3rd might have been a bit left out - so probably all worked out for the best really .

AutumnAlready · 08/12/2020 22:10

Had DD1 at 35. Had a miss at 37. Did IVF at 39 as nothing was working to conceive despite all tests being good. Didn't have the transfer after the IVF as my system wasn't right after the treatment. Life intervened since and we've deferred the transfer. I'm 40 now and debating if i will use any of the frozen embryos, nine fairly high grade ones. My heart wants another baby, I feel it will complete our family and I don't want to regret it but then I'm getting older, DH is 45 and life now is a lot easier with DD. If we get lucky then I could be pushing 42 with a newborn! Dunno how I feel about that. I need to decide soon I guess.

Each to their own with this topic, very personal to each of us.

Christmasfairy2020 · 08/12/2020 22:11

I'm 30 nearly 31 and have a nearly 11 year old and 6 yr old. I had oldest when I was still at uni Grin materialised aged 26. I felt to old no more for me Grin

Tilpop · 08/12/2020 22:11

Had my first DS 5 months ago. I'm 39, he is an IVF baby. I had an operation to check for Endo and was told my tubes were all but dead and I couldn't have children naturally. I never had any idea:

MiddlesexGirl · 08/12/2020 22:12

50ish. ie. menopause. I'm older than that and feel more than capable to bring up another child. My body is a bit wrecked in terms of pregnancies but it would be good for a couple more I reckon.