Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your baby cut off age would be

504 replies

Allthestarsarecloser · 08/12/2020 17:42

I had my kids at 34 & 38 and I am now 46. My lovely friend is pregnant with a much wanted first baby at 46 and it’s got me thinking if I could do it at that point- I don’t think I could to be honest. I think my cut off was 40 probably!
Aibu to ask what ideal your cut off point age wise would be for kids? I know life isn’t perfect so it’s not so simple for everyone as my friend proves

OP posts:
thelumberjack · 08/12/2020 21:07

@HitthatroadJack''pinkdragons
" a woman becoming a mother in her 40s no longer looks like an "older" mum."

Yes they do.
or at least they look like the norm,

I have read more complaints from a teen or mother in her 20s who gets constantly mistaken for the nanny

Nothing wrong with looking your age. You just don't look like an oldER mother when you are the same age as everybody else...''

I disagree with this. I guess it depends where you live. In central London it is common place to have children in the 40s (average age of primip is 40+ in some places) but it's definitely not the average in many other parts of the country and mothers in their 40s absolutely look older than 'the norm'.

harrietm1987 · 08/12/2020 21:07

Had mine 31 and 33. I always wanted 3 and to be done by 35 but I found this second pregnancy so much harder than my first. Don’t know how people do it in their late 30s/40s tbh! (And I’m very fit and healthy). Not sure we’ll go for another now. DH and I were relatively young by our peers’ standards - most friends were having their first when we had our second.

Cyw2018 · 08/12/2020 21:07

I had my DD at 36 after only 3 months of trying and also sufferings from endometriosis. If I'd known it would be that easy to conceive I would have happily left it a few more years.

Bobblehatwobble · 08/12/2020 21:08

If I make it to 35 without hitting the menopause (would be a bloody miracle) then that would be my cut off. My first (IVF) baby is due when I am 30 and then we’ll try for another straight after. If it doesn’t happen by 35 then we will call it a day.

thecatsthecats · 08/12/2020 21:09

45, I think. My mum was 42 when she had me over 30 years ago. We're a fairly long lived family - lots living healthily into their 90s, even back in the 1800s.

I'm more certain though that I'd only ever want one father to my kids. No moral objections, but I can't bear faff, and shared custody just seems the ultimate faff.

My husband and I are both from blended families - I started school when my brother started university. My mum did the school run for 28 years straight.

That bothers me a lot more than the specific age I have kids.

thelumberjack · 08/12/2020 21:10

In answer to the question, it would depend on whether it was a first child and when I met my partner.
If I had no children and met a partner at 40ish, I would definitely have tried for children in my 40s, even a second child up to perhaps 42 or 43). If I already had a couple of healthy children I would definitely not take the risk of trying for more children over 40.

AlwaysBehindTheCurve · 08/12/2020 21:10

[quote thelumberjack]@HitthatroadJack''pinkdragons
" a woman becoming a mother in her 40s no longer looks like an "older" mum."

Yes they do.
or at least they look like the norm,

I have read more complaints from a teen or mother in her 20s who gets constantly mistaken for the nanny

Nothing wrong with looking your age. You just don't look like an oldER mother when you are the same age as everybody else...''

I disagree with this. I guess it depends where you live. In central London it is common place to have children in the 40s (average age of primip is 40+ in some places) but it's definitely not the average in many other parts of the country and mothers in their 40s absolutely look older than 'the norm'.[/quote]
I live in the sticks... really small town, everyone knows everyone, no one ever leaves kind of place. I’m 36 and probably bang in the middle at the school gates. Plenty younger, plenty older.

AltJ · 08/12/2020 21:10

@Cyw2018

I had my DD at 36 after only 3 months of trying and also sufferings from endometriosis. If I'd known it would be that easy to conceive I would have happily left it a few more years.
It might not have been that easy after leaving it a few years...
LoungeLizardLhama · 08/12/2020 21:11

Ideally for me 30. As it is I had them at 35 and 36. I feel too old and tired to be a good parent to them although it may be I’m in a vicious circle of being a crap parent so not getting enough sleep as I’m still in their beds with them at 10pm most nights so doing crap parenting because I’m so tired 😫

heydoggee · 08/12/2020 21:12

Good for you @Sunbird24 and sod anyone judging you at the school gates! My DSis has a similar story and is pregnant with her rainbow at 42. She will be such a good mum and her age means nothing!

Frazzled2207 · 08/12/2020 21:12

I'd always said if I hadn't met the right person I'd take matters into my own hands aged 34. Not sure if I actually would have done but as it happens I married dh aged 33. Got pregnant at 34 and had kids at 35 and 37. I now think anything up to 40 is ok - beyond that would be too late for me but not necessarily for others.

formerbabe · 08/12/2020 21:13

My mum did the school run for 28 years straight

Shock A better woman than me...she must have been made of steel!

Imworthit · 08/12/2020 21:14

@pinkdragons

" a woman becoming a mother in her 40s no longer looks like an "older" mum."

Yes they do.

Not always I still get ID and my mum was regularly mistaken for a teen when I was growing up
VestaTilley · 08/12/2020 21:16

I had DS at 33. We’d like more, but aren’t in a financial position to do so. I’m aware I’m not getting any younger. I think my cut off would be 40, but never say never...

I’m 34 now.

Pipandmum · 08/12/2020 21:16

I'd say 45, and really don't think its a good idea to spend loads of money after that to try and conceive as it is a slim chance, but if it happens naturally then fine. I had mone at 41 and 43, my sister had one at 45 and a friend at 46, all conceived naturally, and all parents doing fine still (kids are all teens).

LouScot · 08/12/2020 21:16

@bitheby I'm only on page 1 and saw your comment. Flowers
I'm still waiting too.. My plan was 29, done and dusted with 3 kids.. Life doesn't work out the way we plan..

VinylDetective · 08/12/2020 21:17

@formerbabe

I'd either want all my twenties childfree or all my fifties childfree. As long as I get a good decade of adulthood where I don't have caring duties and am not too old to enjoy it. So for me once I'd had them in my twenties, I wouldn't have one in my forties and consequently have decades of child rearing.
I’m completely with you there. I was done at 23! I started doing all my travelling and having fun in my 40s, with a lot more money than if I’d done it in my 20s.

My mum had her second at 39 and used to say she was amazed at how much easier it seemed to be for me, purely because I had boundless energy.

AliasGrape · 08/12/2020 21:17

I’ve wanted children forever, planned on starting my family by 30 at the latest. Life had other plans and then when I was finally in a position to start trying we ran into fertility issues. In my mind the cut off was 40 and we were incredibly lucky that I did fall pregnant pretty much right on my 40th birthday.

I do think I’d have kept trying another year or two though, but then would have had to stop if only for my mental health.

Similarly I always thought that if we did manage to get pregnant, due to our age and the issues we had then we’d just be content with one, but now she’s here I don’t feel ‘done’ and am finding it hard to accept - so maybe I’d try again and push the cut off to 45 - but I’m not sure either way on that just yet.

HitthatroadJack · 08/12/2020 21:21

I disagree with this. I guess it depends where you live. In central London it is common place to have children in the 40s (average age of primip is 40+ in some places) but it's definitely not the average in many other parts of the country and mothers in their 40s absolutely look older than 'the norm'.

The average age of first-time mothers was 28.8 years in 2017 apparently, so you are absolutely right. Around here, mums who had their babys in their 40s are rather the norm. Much better than being confused for the grand-mother!

ClaireP20 · 08/12/2020 21:21

Well my cut off point was 38...yet here I am with my third boy, currently next to me un bed, at the grand old age of 46!!! That's what a bottle of prosecco and thinking you're too old to conceive does Grin

Wouldn't have it any other way now!! Xx

everydaysablessing · 08/12/2020 21:22

Met DH at 35, DD born at 40. 44 now and longing for DC2 but 5 mc so no cut off for me, will keep trying and hope for a miracle

Not very kind to hear disapproval from others about my age that have no idea about people's heartbreak

ClaireP20 · 08/12/2020 21:23

@ClaireP20

Well my cut off point was 38...yet here I am with my third boy, currently next to me un bed, at the grand old age of 46!!! That's what a bottle of prosecco and thinking you're too old to conceive does Grin

Wouldn't have it any other way now!! Xx

Ooh and just to add, in my culture (half Indian) it is very common to go into your 40s! No-one bats an eyelid!
LastChristmas20 · 08/12/2020 21:24

I'm 35. That's my cut off.

Won't be having any more now.

sijjy · 08/12/2020 21:24

I had mine at 20 26 and 32. My cut off point was 32. It was so much harder than when I was 20 and I wouldn't want to do it again. But if had started at 32 maybe I would of had more as I wouldn't have pregnancy at 20 to compare to.

ClaireP20 · 08/12/2020 21:24

@everydaysablessing

Met DH at 35, DD born at 40. 44 now and longing for DC2 but 5 mc so no cut off for me, will keep trying and hope for a miracle

Not very kind to hear disapproval from others about my age that have no idea about people's heartbreak

Sending you love and luck x