To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

FIL and MIL were the same. MIL never worked once DH was born and FIL did well out of early retirement at 55. Penny pinching and never gave DS anything , their only grandchild who they saw every weekend for 13 years.
They had two around the world trips. Three trips to Canada, USA tours, one to Iceland and Norway cruises.

Yeah, I'm fed up of hearing my mum fretting about whether she'll get any increase in her teacher's pension, when I go 3 or 4 years between pay rises. She retired at 59 I think, and her income, which includes her pension, my dad's pension, and a few investments, is more than my salary. But I just nod and smile....

My mum is like this, holiday home/ multiple trips away. I’m struggling to scrap by and she moans about money to me. She has about 600k in assets plus sizeable pension and a small income. It’s sickening.

Older people will always tell younger people how much harder they had it and still have it.

Inlaws actually tried saying how they were worried about being able to get by financially because of Covid. Until I explained that they were the only people not affected and that actually they'd notice they have an awful lot more money right now because they haven't been able to fritter it away for months. Dont think they were happy to told that actually they weren't the worst of.

They bought their house for pittance, on unskilled labour wages, sold it for a bomb, then moved into a council flat and claim the max that is possible by hiding their savings. They have no idea how different and how much harder it is for younger generations.

Oh and MIL stopped working at 40.

ILs haven't worked in years but still complain they have far too much to do and us 'young 'uns' don't know what hard work is. They live in the Italian countryside with 2 housemaids, a cook who lives up the street who is available anytime, day or night and when travelling they pay for a private car and only fly private! They whinge that their hobbies are too much hard work! We live on a farm with 4 kids and get called lazy!

Interest rates of 15% in the 1980s wasn't much fun for us oldies who have paid off their mortgages.

We didn't have any free childcare either...

Just to balance things a little...

They will not always have lived like this. We nearly all struggle when we start out and for most people it is only when the children move out that you start to feel better off. Don't compare your life with their current one, their generation will have had different but equally real struggles.

Snap

This is a post about a specific couple, not a generation. On the detail here, I’d just laugh at them, witheringly, every time. Pair of dickheads by the sound of it!

No. My mum worked tirelesy for the nhs as a nurse until she retired. Then she took a job for the nhs in the community as a HCA and retired again. She lives in a modest 2 bed flat and her pension allows her a comfortable but modest lifestyle.

My aunt was a mental health nurse who retired early from stress and lives in a local authority flat.
When they started out they couldnt get credit without a man say so or a mortgage.

Well, 23 years of it for DF is pretty damned good I'd say Hopeisnotastrategy.

He is remarkably good at chasing other people up for taking time out from working or working only p-t too. When I was on maternity leave, he was forever asking me when I was going back to work and moaning that maternity leave is so long now.

They are constantly asking DB to do stuff in their house for them for free, because he's quite handy at DIY. They don't want to pay for a plumber or a heating engineer because it will use up their savings. Because obviously a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China in one year plus running a holiday home is a good use of their savings (actually inheritance).

They have literally had so many years living like this that they have no idea how much people working today struggle. They claimed they had so little money, they would be on benefits if they weren't retired recently. Its ridiculous.

DF criticised me for having an older second hand car once (I buy older, decent cars outright rather than use finance). Tried to explain to them that even people in good jobs like me have to make choices like that but its in one ear and out the other.

"Older people will always tell younger people how much harder they had it and still have it."

No they won't. You can't extrapolate from your own situation to make general assumptions.

won't they be limited to max of 3 months in france, after brexit ?

My parents retired in their early sixties. My dad then immediately developed cancer and died, so never got to enjoy his retirement. My mum has been on a couple of foreign holidays, travels (or did before this year) to relatives several times a year, has lunch and theatre trips out with friends regularly and I don’t begrudge her any of it. I hope she spends all her money while she can. I wish my dad had got to enjoy himself after working hard all his life. But I suppose the difference is that my mum has never complained about feeling poor, and has always been generous to grandchildren etc. I might feel differently otherwise.

No idea

My mum worked full time as a teacher when we were small at a time when it WOHM was not accepted, certainly not by the women in her extended family and theyvwere vile to her about it. She over compensated by working incredibly hard at home and at work, I doubt think I've ever seen that woman sit down.

Dad was out at work for 12 hours a day, with a long commute to the only decent work he could fund after redundancy.

My parents lived within their means and if they have a comfortable retirement, good for them.

Alexdgr won't they be limited to max of 3 months in france, after brexit?

They will indeed, although they generally just go for 3 months at a time, a couple of times per year. The motorhome is for driving to France in, so they can store their wine I think.

But they haven't thought about that yet. Forward financial planning is not their forte. I really do think they just see something they want and then do it. I dread being asked to sort out the French holiday home for them (and no, no of us use it for holidays because they wanted to start charging us).

My in-laws are like this. Both took early retirement on public sector pensions. I suspect their retirement will be longer than their working lives as they are fast approaching that threshold and they are only mid-70s in good health.

And yet, nothing is good enough for them. The NHS service, Europe (leave voters ), their income, 'standards' these days whatever that might mean.

There is a distinct lack of empathy and realism from SOME members of that generation. Early retirements and good pensions, benefitted from rise in house prices, but didn’t have all the awful things the generation before had to put up with - world wars, lack of free healthcare etc.

They are very lucky on the whole

I’ve heard from my Mum recently “oh well, I’m 70 and I could easily still work”. Yes Mum you could, but you haven’t actually since you were 30, have you? Or say 40 if you go from when all the kids were at school and not physical work.

Dad retired at 50.

I’ll be working til at least 70 and will probably never be well off - and have worked throughout with only short maternity leave for each child. Single Mum following divorce too.

My MIL gave up work when she got married in the early 60s and has a very comfortable life style. She said to me recently, "I keep hearing and reading about food banks and hungry children - tell me Nancy, do YOU think there can actually be people living in poverty nowadays?"

@pandemic couldn't agree more. One couple doesnt reflect all "boomer" generation (also lazy generalising). 15% interest was not fun, nor was the high inflation. Different things improve each generation, other things get harder.

They sound unbearable!