To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

I don't think you can tar a whole generation with the same brush but there are defo a subset of Boomers who retired early on huge pensions, did v well out of buying a house in the 70s and getting inheritance on property. My MIL is a prime example, life of endless leisure, big house in London plus one in the county, endless holiday etc. I do struggle when she talks about money or makes out she's hard up as our experience has been very different.

It also riles me how over 60s get free/discounted stuff like travel, most of them have more then we do! I don't know the answer though as too much hassle to means test and some pensioners do struggle. Just not the ones who've just got back from St Lucia.

It's not an age thing. It's a dickhead thing. I know very privileged people in their 20s and 30s who complain about their lot even though they own property outright from gifts and inheritance.

My mother is the same. Beautiful home paid for 10 years ago when she was 49. "Works" part time. Received substantial inheritance when her parents died. She thinks she has it so hard. Sick of listening to her. She is only 59 and her children are all grown, 39,37 and 31. Two of us moved out 20 years ago so she's had it handy.

@mrscaindingle. You hate them? Why?

If you found yourself in the same fortunate circumstances, would you turn your back, saying "no thanks, I don't want to take that opportunity?". I doubt it.

And hate is never helpful.

I hear you, my father in his 70s is like this. Despite being an accountant, he didn’t get why it was harder for couples with children to manage financially and is moaning about how they didn’t need food banks when he was young.

Greenland, Do they find it disappointing that you won't use the 'family' holiday home and pay rent to the 'pot' so your holiday money stays within the family. I expect every little would help to alleviate their money worries. If I'd got the money and wanted to be mischievous, I'd have been tempted to see if any of their neighbours let out their homes in France and book that to annoy them.

• Just don't assume we didn't have it hard too, albeit in different ways. Our expectations were a lot different. We rented a TV, holidays abroad were the stuff of dreams, overtime was essential to pay the mortgage.

No one went out for dinner unless it was a very special occasion, coffee shops and takeaways didn't exist, other than the local chippie

You're not comparing like for like*

Nor are you though. Plenty of people would go to pubs that has now changed & people go to coffee shops. Flying was expensive whereas now it can be cheaper to fly abroad & holiday as opposed to staying in the UK.

I'm pretty sure younger generations are spending more of their disposable income then ever on housing costs.

I think however, for every boomer with a decent home and pension you would find another who hasn't.

I agree however on average younger generations will be less well off so just because it's not the case for Bob or Sue doesn't mean it's not statistically the case.

People retiring at 50 typically had well paid jobs, they certainly aren’t the average retiree.

Most 80 year olds certainly weren’t wealthy enough to retire at 50, especially women who were even less likely to have a private pension and who typically relied on their husbands NI years. Then we had pensioners who relied on pension credit and struggled in winter even with the winter fuel payment.

My partners parents are very wealthy, they deem anyone who works past 50 to be a failure, they also think people are poor if they don’t have staff. I don’t mean a cleaner or a gardener, but actual fulltime staff.

I will hopefully retire at 55, this doesn’t mean I won’t work again, but I will no longer be in a high pressure sector and instead in something easier with fewer hours. This is a luxury that I will be able to afford if there aren’t any significant bumps in the road, but I’m well aware that it may not happen.

Be thankful for what you have, don’t focus on what others have .

My dad was a catholic priest so didn’t get paid much at all till he left in his 40s, my parents still have more than enough money and built a lovely three bed house when they retired! Granted it’s in my mothers country outside Europe - but they have a housekeeper, gardener, live pretty well.

Whereas I’m In my 30s and owning a home is still a ways away 🙃

My dad is fairly sympathetic to my plight, whereas I had to spell out to my mum why it wouldn’t be easy for me on my salary to buy a home in London outright 🥴

My parents are pretty good, TBF. My granddad was totally put out by DH changing jobs a lot (common in his field) and thought it must mean something was dreadfully wrong.

And if they don’t spend all their ££ whilst they’re alive, my generation are also going to inherit an awful lot more than they did too.

I'm assuming it's going have to be used for care. I can't see how the NHS will still exist in its current model otherwise not to mention I assume the age of state pension will probably be 80

@GaryTheDemon

15% on a vastly lower mortgage though. Yes, you pay a lower % now but on a hugely higher borrowing.

Yes, we borrowed a smaller amount, but wages were correspondingly lower too. My wages in 1986 were £3500 pa. When interest rates went up to 15%, we struggled to afford anything. No holidays, no car, our furniture came from the Salvation Army shop.

Every generation has its own struggles. My grandparents went into service aged 12 or joined the navy. No money ever for luxuries. A holiday was a day out at the seaside with sandwiches brought from home.

My parents left school at 15 to work and to contribute to the family pot. They lived in a caravan for 5 years while they saved up for a home. No holidays. Everything was budgeted to the last penny.

There is no benefit to anyone of comparing generation with generation, and sweeping generalisations about “boomers” are not helpful.

Boomers. My il are similar.

I wondered how long that would take. I'm a Boomer, I'm unemployed, no savings, have debt, can't find a job other than a part-time temp one, have rented for the past 18 years and have every idea of what life is really like - and I always did. Even when I had a full-time job there was no money for luxuries. Please don't tar an entire generation with the same brush. I have worked with young people who have far less appreciation of what life is really like than I ever did!

Why don’t they bog off to France full time ?
They sound like a complete PITA.
Poor OP, sympathies

I agree, wealth/property capital growth will be spent on care for many people. Then the next generations will have

• high housing costs/no chance to buy
• high living costs including huge childcare bills just to keep a job
• high costs to get a university education
• no inheritance being passed down the generations
• extremely late retirement age
• high care costs

So there's that to look forward to.

It just sounds like they are not very nice people. Nothing to do with age. They were probably the sort who made you struggle financially through uni. You probably turned into one of those who resent it when young people get house deposits from their parents.

My parents and grandparents were dirt poor. I grew up poor. I never got any financial help, in fact I helped them out.

DH and I now retired and moderately comfortably off. Our DC got their driving lessons paid for at 17 and later a car. We made sure they had enough cash at uni and we gave them each a lump sum for a house deposit.
Lots on MN would disapprove of all this. Usually IME because their parents were not so generous.

Ageism and intergenerational strife as others have said.

Free childcare?! What free childcare? Do you mean school or the 15 hours per week (term time only) you may get for a few terms between turning 3 & starting school? Either way it's not exactly life changing

So there's that to look forward to.

🥳 🎉

@alexdgr8

won't they be limited to max of 3 months in france, after brexit ?

That’s only without a visa. They could apply for a visa to stay longer. Or apply for residency and live genre, but come back to the U.K. “on holiday”.

Zilla1 Greenland, Do they find it disappointing that you won't use the 'family' holiday home and pay rent to the 'pot' so your holiday money stays within the family. I expect every little would help to alleviate their money worries. If I'd got the money and wanted to be mischievous, I'd have been tempted to see if any of their neighbours let out their homes in France and book that to annoy them.

I would, if their house wasn't in the most boring part of France, chosen (so it seems) for its proximity to a supermarket that sells English language newspapers.

The tax implications for French second homes are quite serious, and I know they will expect me to sort it out for them (I will actually refuse to get involved). I hope they sell it before they end up going into nursing homes but the market will be horrible due to Brexit. But they don't tend to forward plan sensibly - they just spend on stuff they want without any other considerations, so I fully suspect it will be left to the 3 of us to sort out.

I must admit I long for a time when you didn't have to commute a long way to work, or have quarterly reviews, etc.. DF wasn't in a great job when he retired at 50 - he was just lucky that the massive company he worked for wanted to lose some numbers and for some reason, he was at the top of the queue and took early retirement as it was on offer - I suspect there was a reason he was at the top of the queue as he can be quite beligerent.

Yes, they really have no idea.

Not all older people are like this, though. My parents aren't. They appreciate very much the things they have and appreciate life is harder in many ways for their DC and they try to help as much as they can. I am glad they are having a nice retirement.

My in laws are the same. Narcissistic alcoholics. Millions in assets. Living off inheritance, their pensions & pensions of deceased previous spouses. We never see a penny but some is passed onto step relations in a very unequal manner. It's a manipulative shit show and will likely only improve when they die.

Masking That’s only without a visa. They could apply for a visa to stay longer. Or apply for residency and live genre, but come back to the U.K. “on holiday”.

They won't do that because of the NHS. I don't think they even have holiday insurance health cover - they rely on the E111 or whatever it is called now, and returning to the UK.

• We made sure they had enough cash at uni and we gave them each a lump sum for a house deposit. Lots on MN would disapprove of all this. Usually IME because their parents were not so generous.*

I had help with a deposit, couldn't have afforded it otherwise plus prices then went crazy. However I recognise that it's not a great system when your economic security depends on if your parents could help & did help. That is probably more important than your actual career these days, hence why social mobility is going backwards.

this thread is in the most part just horrible stereotypical generalisations based on the OP's, well founded but entirely personal, experience of her parents lack of perception of their privilege.
Generalisations about boomers are as ridiculous but insidious and dangerous as racism, to which they bear an uncanny resemblance.