To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

OP, my mum, who lives in her own in a large mortgage free4 bed house with an acre garden and who hasn’t worked since she was 50 told me last year that she was busier than I am. I pointed out that whilst she might be very busy going to Pilates, swimming, sewing and generally helping all the ‘old’ people in the village ALL of those things were a choice, but that even without a DH and 2 DC I would still have to work to pay for a roof over my head, pay the bills and buy food.....she wasn’t having any of it. She is busier than me. The end. I feel your pain.

Wow. You're bitter towards your parents aren't you?

It isn't all people in their 50s or 60s.

I'm 57 and retirement is a decade away. Unless you worked for the civil service or a big responsible corporate like IBM or M&S, pensions were not generous (or not at all). Remember compulsory occupational pensions only came in three years ago. So some people have nothing but the state pension.

As for a holiday home,

@NancyPickford

My MIL gave up work when she got married in the early 60s and has a very comfortable life style. She said to me recently, "I keep hearing and reading about food banks and hungry children - tell me Nancy, do YOU think there can actually be people living in poverty nowadays?"

Your MIL Mil is delusional

...received big financial gifts from their parents when young

I know absolutely NO-ONE of my age who got financial help from their parents. Not a one. People just didn't have that sort of spare money, and there was much more of a culture that you left home and were entirely independent.

Now it's very different, because many boomers recognise that university and house deposits are byond their kids' saving and earning potential. So helping one's kids out, and having savings to do so is a big cultural shift.

We won't be retiring early as we'll have massive mortgages to pay for (for ordinary houses), children going to university that we have to pay for, and the retirement age will be so pushed back we'd have to live off private savings/income for years. Most people can't afford that.

My in-laws retied early 50s. They finished their (free) education early 20s and worked for a few years. Moved around the world for a decade or so, working and living life to the full, and returned to buy a house for £28,000 (upon which they got a hefty discount for being public sector workers). They then worked for about 15 years in the UK and retired. That was nearly 25 years ago and they're only 75. The house is worth about £175,000 now and they've been living on public sector pensions for 25 years so far. Could easily be another 20.

Oh God not this again!

Very unusual to have retired at 50 on final salary pension huge enough to fund the lifestyle OP claims her parents lead.

Dont even go there my parents are the same constantly moaning. Mother never worked a single day in her life father retired at 50. Massive house and pensio. Houses everywhere and big holidays etc. Always moaning about this country taxes blah blah. I feel like saying if abroad is so amazing please fuck off there. Meanwhile I'm planning to downsize into a tiny one bed house on retiring at 67 from the NHS just so I've got some spare cash and so I can heat the place in winter and give my own child some money to get on the ladder at 40 years old.

Yanbu, your parents have a lovely lifestyle , long retirement ,secure housing and lots of luxuries.
Not everyone in their generation is in the same position but lots are.
MIL is always moaning about being poor, she has a generous pension ( teachers final salary) plus state pension and also does cash in hand tuition.
No mortgage no dependents and has considerably more disposable income than us but youd think she was on the breadline to hear her talk. On the other hand my mum is living off state pension and very very small private pension and really doesn't have much money at all bit is a lot.more generous

You can generally take a lump sum with a final salary pension in return for a lower annual pension.

My parents were public sector workers with final salary pensions now & are enjoying retirement. I don’t begrudge them a penny. They did work hard, saved hard and had nothing when they were younger, minimal holidays and everything in the home was saved hard for. The level of luxury in day to day life was incomparable to what we are used to now.

And if they don’t spend all their ££ whilst they’re alive, my generation are also going to inherit an awful lot more than they did too.

YANBU to want them to stop claiming poverty and acknowledge their comfort but other than that, YABU.

Here we go again. Let's just hope your children don't moan and slag you off like you do your parents.

But they have every idea what their life is like. OK, so maybe they struggle to put themselves into other people's shoes but their life is every bit as "real" as anyone else's.

@Europilgrim exactly because most people will still be funding/housing their kids. Plus their house is unlikely to have gone up the same % & they won't have a great pension.

I'm 62, still working. Can't claim state pension until I'm 66 unless the government decide to increase the age again. I have no private pension to claim [ two bad marriages saw to that ]
Not all of us are "boomer" generation. I rent [ used to have own house, but that went the same time as the marriage ], I struggle every day to get by. Don't tar everyone of my age with the same brush.

Who on earth can afford to retire from an ordinary job at 50 now?

I think most would struggle k

smile and nod and then disregard everything they say

Who on earth can afford to retire from an ordinary job at 50 now?

most would struggle even if on 6 figures.

15% on a mortgage 3 times one person's salary, rather than 4 times two people's salary for a standard semi that needs work (around here and I don't live in London), so a higher percentage on not only a much lower amount, but a list amount compared to incoming finances. No funded childcare hours (except there were four people on benefits they came in the form of vouchers DM used to work in pre school childcare in the 80s/90s) it perfectly possible to live comfortably on one average salary which allowed for parental childcare, no wrap around to pay for, no stretched hours to make up, and even then childcare wasn't the equivalent of £70 a day if you needed to use it.

Having said all of that my grandparents are boomers and nothing like the OPs parents, they recognise the advantages they have had, and are concerned about my generation, DS's generation. The lack of affordable property, the amount a higher education now costs, not being able to claim pensions until much much later in life (retired at 50&55) , the sheer cost and pace of young family living now.

DH and I are ok and waited until our thirties to have children some of my cousin's are not in the same position we are, my youngest cousin was widowed at 25 with a small child and a partner without life insurance, there's no hope in hell of her owning a property so she's at the mercy of one unscrupulous landlord after another. They see that and they help where they can, my gran volunteers locally with a teen mums group offering practical support and guidance, lots of them have to use food banks etc. So they are very aware of the realities of modern life.

This doesn't reflect my parents who were boomers or any of their siblings. Both my parents were exceptionally bright but left school at 15 to help their parents finances and because they couldn't afford to stay on.
My dad died young so never really reaped the benefits of his studying in the evenings to improve his employment prospects. Both my parents siblings did menial or manual labour all their lives, most of them died young by todays standards.
My mum had a middle class friend whose husband went to Uni, had a grant, took advantage of house prices etc, the wife never worked. They are the only people we know who have that boomer lifestyle of constant holidays and final salary pension.
I hate the lazy generalisation about Boomers 😡

YANBU. My grandparents who are in their early 70s are like this.

It's impossible to make them understand what it's like for the younger generation.

To be fair they aren't all like that. My mum retired young (54), my dad worked until he was 62-ish and then semi-retired so that he could still work in his highly specialised field (we're talking one of a handful of world experts here) but have free time as well. Yes, they had plenty of money - they earned well, had good pensions and inherited too.

But they knew full well how privileged they were, they helped me and DSis out financially or just gave us gifts of money when they wanted us to have a good holiday or something to enjoy. They were openhearted and generous all the way.

OP YANBU about your parents, that sounds very annoying. However as PPs have said your parents generation, as a whole have had challenges too. Interest rates were high, and then when they dropped lots of us had big shortfalls on our endowment mortgages. When I was a student I lived in a house that had no central heating (well no heating at all really) no washing machine no shower and electricity with a coin meter. When I could eventually afford a mortage, it was only because I factored in having a lodger. It was furnished and equipped mostly from junk shops and only redocrated very slowly by ourselves. Then as someone mentioned there was no subsidised child care whatsoever.

On the plus side we had no university fees and I am truly grateful for that.

I'm 56, DG is 60.

Outwardly sucessful careers both of us. Still both working very hard. Still have massive mortgage of £350k. Feel quite hard up although both earn what most people would think of as very good salaries. Cant see when we can afford to retire - there's not enough money in the pot to pay off the mortgage or for a decent pension.

Had we not spent a small fortune on school fees for our 2 DC things would be very different however ...

DG?? DH!!

My parents are like this, particularly my mum. She's nowhere near living in the real world when it comes to money. Before DD was born, we were both working full time, all our money was going into our mortgage and bills and she kept telling me to save my entire salary every month which was impossible. DH was earning £14k and I was on £10k - there was no way we could afford to save mine as well as pay all the bills and we were both commuting to different places too so we couldn't share transport. She said she was able to save her salary before my siblings and I were born - but that was the 1970s - things were nowhere near as expensive. Their house cost £4,000 compared to ours which cost £125k for a start. They both worked in the village we lived in. Very different lifestyle.