To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

Generalisations about boomers are as ridiculous but insidious and dangerous as racism,

Wow!

All of those begrudging their wealthy parents houses, incomes and lifestyles will be donating their own inheritance to charity then?
😉

Twas ever thus.
We're technically boomers but saw this attitude in FIL. He used to get a Christmas bonus from his work pension, in addition to an annual increase. One year the bonus was 1.5%. He scoffed, saying itwas a joke and wouldn't buy anything. I then told him my annual payrise had been 1.05%.
He enjoyed 34 years of retirement, MIL 32 years.

@wonkschops

Who on earth can afford to retire from an ordinary job at 50 now?

most would struggle even if on 6 figures.

Until recently, fire services police and military services could all retire at 50 , on generous index linked pensions. The pensions may have changed but as far as I know, retire at 50 is still an option.

A bit jealous are you, OP? Life was NOT fun in the 80s with very high interest rates! As for retirement and pensions, remember that a high proportion of people left school at 15 in the 60s and worked all their lives, so say 45 years or more if they retired at 60. No gap years or 3 year parties at University with the Bank of M&D to fall back on. Good for them if they are living a good life now!

Your parents sound insufferable @GreenlandTheMovie.

I don't think retirement at aged 50, spending money like water not being thoroughly insensitive are typical of that generation though.

I do think that this generation have (generally) benefitted hugely from gains in property, generally had to work less hard for a better quality of life (often one income per family was affordable, for example) and much better pensions compared to younger generations.

Not all us Baby Boomers are rich pensioners. I'm don't complain. I'm grateful that I know my pension will be there and don't have to worry about losing a job and my mortgage was paid off when I was widowed. I did work until my 60s - us 50s women have waited longer for our pensions.
My holidays are a few days on the south coast with grandchildren and I don't have a car. My children have much more disposable income than me.

I think a lot of the older generation don't really grasp that for many it's impossible to afford a family home on one salary (and sometimes two) and how wretched this can be.
The 'free childcare' that wasn't available in the past doesn't make up for that...

@justgeton

Interest rates of 15% in the 1980s wasn't much fun for us oldies who have paid off their mortgages.

We didn't have any free childcare either...

Just to balance things a little...

Don't even try, fixed ideas abound, the concept of living within one's means; not expecting to start life with everything new etc etc cuts no ice, if you're not toeing this party line you'll get abuse in here.

I dread being asked to sort out the French holiday home for them (and no, no of us use it for holidays because they wanted to start charging us).

They're not expecting you to care for them in their old age are they?

MagicSummer A bit jealous are you, OP? Life was NOT fun in the 80s with very high interest rates! As for retirement and pensions, remember that a high proportion of people left school at 15 in the 60s and worked all their lives, so say 45 years or more if they retired at 60. No gap years or 3 year parties at University with the Bank of M&D to fall back on. Good for them if they are living a good life now!

I'm not jealous - I've done well enough for myself (without any help) - I've just been lucky in my career and investments. And I'm clever. My parents are in their seventies by the way and I didn't have a gap year or 3 year party - I actually think you've got your generations mixed up. DF worked for 28 years in total, and has now been retired for 23.

Its just that I hate them always turning the conversation round to money and how hard done by they are every time I visit, quickly followed by stealth boasting about all their assets and holidays and how much road tax and insurance is for 3 vehicles, and how they have to pay property tax in France, etc, etc..

Lol my dad is just the same. Can't understand why we work so many hours, totally overlooks their house was 3 times his salary - ours is 4 times our joint !

Interest rates of 15% in the 1980s wasn't much fun for us oldies who have paid off their mortgages.

I don't follow, what were you paying interest on? A loan?

Oh you mean you were paying mortgage in the 80s.

Until recently, fire services police and military services could all retire at 50 , on generous index linked pensions.

Yep for which certainly the police officers have paid dearly. DH pays 15% of his salary into his pension - 15% every month for his 30+ years service.

@NovemberR

Wow. You're bitter towards your parents aren't you?

This. You obviously don't like them very much.

Why is that a reason to write off an entire generation who raised you all and grew up in the shadow of the hardships of war, just because you find your parents annoying. ? Simplistic and not nice. I expect you'll be happy enough to inherit from them in turn one day. Do you appreciate in any way what they did for you bringing you up? They didn't have their inheritances then I guess? You are sounding very bitter and entitled here. I get that you are frustrated, and having a vent, but you are majorly overreacting.

At some point we all have to grasp that life is not fair, everything that happens is not a personal judgment on us, and that we all go through many different phases in life where money is concerned. Everyone has their own life to live and their own struggles to deal with and we generally have no real idea of what others are dealing with. Put your judgy pants away, they must be exhausting. Chill.

The problem here is not that you parents have too much money, or how they spend it. The problem is their propensity for criticising other people’s choices - a trait which you appear to have inherited, OP.

tallduck They're not expecting you to care for them in their old age are they?

We (my siblings and I) already are to some extent. Both DBs give them quite a lot of assistance, one DB is a plumber and is constantly round fixing things and cutting the grass (large garden, they refuse to pay for a gardener), other DB does their food shopping as DF is currently immobile due to an injury and DM won't drive. However, don't under-estimate their ability to get to France once Covid is over!

You would think they were quite feeble but then suddenly they will have managed to get themselves to France or China or the Caribbean without any difficulties! I live further away but tend to be asked to sort out legal stuff and translate documents into French for them (I don't even speak French!). I tried to give them inheritance tax planning advice - that didn't go down well! Basically, they won't plan ahead. Not my problem - I don't expect anything and tbh I'm now at a stage in life it wouldn't make much difference to me.

DF is fully planning to go into a nursing home and spend all his money on that and is quite vocal about it. DM is never mentioned in these plans...

My gran is like this. Complains she never got family allowance but forgets GD worked in a well paid, sought after job in the 60s-70s. Didn’t lose his job in the 70-80s and was in employment consistently inc one job that doled out pretty decent shares she still benefits from. GDs job took him abroad and came with many perks too of which she still benefits.

And whilst her kids were still in school - raising 6 on one salary, she regularly points out child minding money was for holidays- she worked as a childminder and we all could too. She forgets she could just do that. How you have to be registered and have insurance and have maximum no of children you can care for and your own children are taken into account plus DBS checks etc.

My mother frequently recalls gran was a childminder to multiple kids but she and her siblings had to help take care of them. It couldn’t happen now. No way could it.

She also bought her council hone for £3k in the 60s and sold it for a pretty penny a few years ago and the reason she is ‘broke’ now is because she put a chunk of the money from the sale of that house into her favourite child’s house (we’re talking £80k) and her other children are rightly miffed and no longer go help her do the free DIY etc she was so used to. They visit but politely point out X got £80k and can afford to pay for the plumber.

There are a lot of elderly people who aren’t comfortable financially, just like there’s a lot of younger people who are pretty well off. It’s really not a generational thing. I guess they’re judging their own situation by maybe comparing what their current bank balance is now to what it might have been last year for example. the elderly judge their worth by their own situation, not alongside Betty down the road who has zero in her account and can barely afford to heat her home.

Perhaps things are better for retirees in the UK than where I live.

A final salary pension here is not the same as getting paid your salary before you retired. It is a lot less. If you did not stay with the same employer your entire career, you get even less. You definitely have to adjust your spending downwards. I had a stressful and demanding fairly senior position, but my pay was frozen for over 8 years before ii retired due to austerity. This of course affected my pension.

My pension cannot pay for, even remotely, second homes, etc. etc. I inherited a bit from my parents, shared with my 3 siblings and that helps us do some traveling (not now). Our biggest trips are to the UK where we have close family including grandchildren.

Part of what younger people today complain of is housing pricing and affordability. I completely understand. Where I live house prices soared in the 1980's and the interest rates were very high. No chance of me or anyone else like me buying a home. We finally did, in the late 90's, but we shared the property with another couple and renovated it so there were two living spaces. Not ideal, but it worked for 20 years.

So I do understand. But it's not fair to suggest us oldies had it easy. I can assure you we worked hard for every penny and many of us were house poor for decades.

I'm not jealous of anything they have I just want them to stop bloody moaning about everything. It does my head in. I never moan about anything to them I just get on with it.
There won't be any inheritance. A few years in nursing homes will swallow it all up.
I cant look after them. I have to work full time until 67 by which time they will both be gone.

@Europilgrim

Older people will always tell younger people how much harder they had it and still have it Not really. My late FIL retired at 64 on a final salary pension - and lived for over 30 years more on it! He was always saying how lucky he was and was very generous with his money in the family despite not having an expensive lifestyle himself. In the last few years of his life he used all his pension and considerable savings to pay for nursing for my MIL and then for himself so that we wouldn't feel we had to step in and he wanted to spend his last few years with his family because they wanted to see him not because they had to look after him. He was lovely and I miss him so much!

What a lovely man your fil was, I just had to say that .

What a lovely man your fil was, I just had to say that

Thank you! He really was.

@Nottherealslimshady
Older people will always tell younger people how much harder they had it and still have it

Not all of us, no. We regularly sub our adult children the max tax free annual allowance, gave big cash deposits for property, fixed it so they are beneficiaries of life insurance etc. We know it's hard for them and their peers.

How about we knock off the lazy ageism?