To Think My Parents Have No Idea What Life Is Really Like?

[GreenlandTheMovie]

for most people?

DM was a teacher, DF some kind of computer repair engineer but took early retirement at 50. Yes, 50. Never worked again. Both on final salary pension schemes.

They were moaning this week about how "poor" they are, because their pensions don't entitle them to more than index-linked increases to keep up with inflation, unlike people in salaried jobs who can get actual pay rises (I haven't had much of a pay rise in the last decade but theres no telling them). Apparently, they don't have enough money to "do the things they want" without using their savings.

The "things they want to do" include having a large holiday home in France where they normally decamp 6 months of the year, having a Carribbean cruise and a holiday to China last year, similar holidays in previous years, and running their 5 bedroom house. They have a nearly new luxury motorhome and 2 cars. They have also benefitted from 2 large inheritances from relatives dying.

Theres no telling them - apparently, life is very unfair and hard on pensioners like them and retiring at 50 is not at all unreasonable because of the way the company was run.

But you love them?

I'm worried about all this intergenerational strife and generalisation that's going on.

My parents (now in their 80s) worked hard all their lives and are pretty poor actually, just about managing. I am much better off than they are. They in turn, worry about the young people (including their grandchildren) and the future, the environment, the health service, the selfish society.

I wish my parents were as lucky as yours, and even more that things were more equal for all.

Older people will always tell younger people how much harder they had it and still have it
Not really. My late FIL retired at 64 on a final salary pension - and lived for over 30 years more on it! He was always saying how lucky he was and was very generous with his money in the family despite not having an expensive lifestyle himself. In the last few years of his life he used all his pension and considerable savings to pay for nursing for my MIL and then for himself so that we wouldn't feel we had to step in and he wanted to spend his last few years with his family because they wanted to see him not because they had to look after him. He was lovely and I miss him so much!

You should get them to look up what the basic state pension is and ask them how they would live on that.

15% on a vastly lower mortgage though. Yes, you pay a lower % now but on a hugely higher borrowing.

Someone in my family is like this. Owns property which is now worth a small fortune as it’s in London, very good civil service pension by today’s standards, retired fully at 60, lots and lots of trips abroad, and yet still has time to moan about things being tough when you’re a pensioner.

I honestly do think they should means test the winter fuel allowance and bus passes for the wealthy pensioners.

`I can see that their attitude is frustrating - but you same way too over involved in them and what they do. Why not distance yourself a bit and reduce the contact. That should mean less complaining time from them to you. And why would you need to sort out their holiday homes - if they can make arrangements to travel they can sort that themselves.

I think some older people don't really grasp how different things are now:

• They are used to 'jobs for life', and don't understand how people change roles, or that redundnacy is quite common now (even before COVID).
• They don't get how much more expensive things are now for people renting/with mortgages/childcare and how much of people's income can just vanish into that each month.
• Related to the above, they don't get how people can't 'put money by' and assume they must be spending on 'fripperies' when they're being as careful as they can.

Interest rates of 15% in the 1980s wasn't much fun for us oldies who have paid off their mortgages.

Yeah except my parents mortgage was about 40k on a now 1.8m house.

We didn't have any free childcare either...

Who gets free childcare? Do you mean the 15 hours for 38 weeks of the year from age 3?
The equivalent to child benefit wasn't means tested was it?

I don't know what other peoples' parents are like, obviously (though *and all of Christmas's dad is about the only other one I've heard of retiring at 50) but mine definately are spoilt by their circumstances and I'm fed up with their stealth boasts/DF''s little digs. Its almost as if they have convinced themselves they are hard done by. Their favourite phrase is actually "we are poor pensioners". They are anything but poor, and they havent worked that hard. Who on earth can afford to retire from an ordinary job at 50 now?

They also conveniently forget they have had 2 large inheritances and thars where the money for the holidays and vehicles comes from.

Its honestly horrible to listen to. I'm reasonably well off myself so I'm not sitting feeling resentful or anything, but they literally have no idea how lucky they've been.

I do find DF quite sexist - he's quite bossy around women and likes to check up that they've returned to full time work after having children. Yet he retired at FIFTY! He could easily have hit another job, even part time, but he's so used to women going out to work and I think DM stealth boasts to try and make it seem better that she was still working when he was sitting with his feet up. She retired at 62.

They will not always have lived like this. We nearly all struggle when we start out and for most people it is only when the children move out that you start to feel better off.

To me this is the biggest issue, a lot of people are not going to find themselves way better off.

@Echobelly True! When my mum saw my nursery bill she kept on saying "oh you can't pay that much" as if it was a luxury and I was squandering the money rather than paying it to keep my job!

My DM has spent the last five years moaning about the fact that she didn’t get to retire at sixty, even though she. Has only worked a few hours per week for years. She got her state pension through a few weeks ago and then said “of course I don’t really need it”. They spend money like it is water now but while I grew up we weren’t even allowed to flush the toilet if you only had a wee!

I am quite low contact TillyTopper - just visited them recently though.

justgeton
Thanks for your post defending us oldies ! I well remember horrendous interest rates .
I also remember washing terry nappies in my twin tub washing machine , no tumble dryer or dishwasher. Also , begging my neighbour fur a pound coin for the electric meter .
I think I deserve my final salary pension having given a lot of my lump sum to DC .

@GaryTheDemon

15% on a vastly lower mortgage though. Yes, you pay a lower % now but on a hugely higher borrowing.

This. 15% on a total house price of £30,000 is less than 2% on £27500.

You get lump sums with final salary pension schemes?

To me this is the biggest issue, a lot of people are not going to find themselves way better off.
True. Also my younger children will hopefully be starting university when my DH retires. I can't see us being better off for a long time...if ever because we won't have big pensions when they leave home.

I think the difference is, younger people struggle now like older generations probably did, but it's very unlikely younger people will enjoy early retirement or final salary pensions. They'll be screwed when young and screwed when older.

Exact same with my parents and in-laws OP. Those who went to uni got it free, they bought houses for virtually nothing (ie FAR lower multiple of average income than now), received big financial gifts from their parents when young plus inheritances when they were older, final salary pension schemes, always able to have one working and the other not in paid employment, 9-5 jobs without being expected (as we are) to work quite a bit of unpaid overtime. Etc etc. Yet they now, in their mortgage-free lovely houses, holidays, regular renovations and change in furniture simply for a change, new cars etc - they think that because they're pensioners they are automatically the most deprived group in the country. We have had student loans, hefty mortgages, no financial help offered from our parents, almost no pensions, two incomes by necessity, etc as well as trying to save for our DC uni fees. Infuriating!

My dh and I are early 60's and retired recently. We're extremely lucky and comfortably off.
I think however, for every boomer with a decent home and pension you would find another who hasn't.
The miners lost their jobs and homes in the 80's, then the steel industry, construction had a terrible downturn in the late 80's. All under Thatcher's watch.
My own db eventually trained as a nurse in his 30's, he's not likely to retire until his state pension kicks in.
Decent parents with a lump sum are giving house deposits to their dc.
There are a lot of people on here who wouldn't have got to buy their home without parental help.

I don't dispute young people have a hard time today. I have 2 children who are experiencing it.

Just don't assume we didn't have it hard too, albeit in different ways. Our expectations were a lot different. We rented a TV, holidays abroad were the stuff of dreams, overtime was essential to pay the mortgage.

No one went out for dinner unless it was a very special occasion, coffee shops and takeaways didn't exist, other than the local chippie

You're not comparing like for like

Older people will always tell younger people how much harder they had it and still have it.

No. They won't. Some do, just as some younger people are self-centred and unempathetic too.

Seriously, less of the ageism on here. There are as many boomers, if not more who are actively helping the next generation by funding house deposits etc or childcare.
As a pp said, intergenerational resentment is getting ridiculous at the moment.

BTW I found my 'money book' from 1980 the other day when I was having a purge and getting rid of stuff. The mortgage on our two bed terraced house (plus associated insurance and council tax) came to my entire monthly salary as a young teacher. It wasn't all roses back then. We didn't have to find as much deposit, but mortgages were MUCH more expensive than now.

There are a lot of poor pensioners. I know that's not what this thread is about. But not all boomers are rolling in it.

I think most people have no idea what life is like for people who live differently to them.

Just like you have no idea what it would have been like for them at your age-or indeed for anyone else who is living a totally different life to you. You're assuming your life is the "norm" whereas it may well not be to most people.

They sound awful - my mil is the same!

My parents are a bit younger (just retired this year early 60s) very good pensions (half pay for the rest of their lives!)

However my parents are very aware of what the world is like these days and how expensive things are - they saved a big chunk of money for myself and my sister and gave that to us towards house deposits For wedding gifts! Also they got an inheritance recently and they gifted us both a bit of that too - I’m so grateful for it - they didn’t have to do that to us - but they want to help us out!

They are also so grateful for their pensions and feel like they are super lucky to be in the position they find themselves in!

Mil on the other hand - very wealthy - complains constantly about how broke she is (she owns multiple properties and has a very decent income for an elderly woman - much more coming in per month than me and my husband earn between us 😂

She gave us 50 in a card for our wedding. Gives out at the price of her car insurance, won’t put the heating on as it’s too expensive, 😂