Pushing DC to leave home

[Mariearistocat]

Have name changed for this as looking at previous threads I am very much in the minority for my opinion.

I don’t understand this obsession with getting DC out of your house as quickly as possible. There seems to be some MN obsession that as soon as DC turn 18 they need to be looking for somewhere else to stay. I only ever see it on here, never in real life. The amount of responses i see on threads here about giving deadlines to make your DC move out.

Leave laundry on the floor. Chuck them out. Don’t wash their plate after dinner. Chuck the out. Spent money on what is deemed a frivolous item. Chuck them out. What happened to just having conversations with them and setting rules and boundaries and making sure that they are respected.

I don’t know if it’s a competition on how well someone child’s doing that they have moved out. I could never imagine asking my children to move out. They are late teens, paying rent and each have their own jobs to do and I have no issue with this continuing for however long they wished to stay here. This is their home too.

Am I the only one?

I lived in pretty awful flats but I had a whale of a time. It wasn’t even slightly shitty. I was drunk on having freedom and being able to do whatever I liked, when I liked. I look back on those years with huge affection and nostalgia. I lived with friends

Me too. I loved my early 20s. I didn't have a lot of money but they were carefree times.

My DC are not near moving out age so I can't say for sure how I will feel when they are late teens living at home. But I cant imagine wanting to live with my kids forever 🤣

I wouldn't hesitate if it was getting to a point where they were causing problems by being at home and were able to support themselves financially though. Moving out would then be gently encouraged on my part.

I moved out at 18 as I'd had a child and needed my own space but I have no idea when I would have moved out if I hadn't fallen pregnant. My DM did everything and I didn't have to lift a finger so no doubt I would have stayed as long as possible! I am glad I didn't though, living independently without your parents is a life skill that is crucial.

I have a friend my age (mid 30's) who still lives at home despite having adequate money to buy a house outright and in a full time job that she's been in for years.

Can anyone honestly say they'd want their 30 odd year old living at home if they were fully capable of moving out?

You might want it, but would it be good for them?

@YeahYesYup I suppose that depends on the individual situation doesn’t it.

I’d (think) I’d be happy with a thirty year old living at home so long as they were independent in the sense they did their own chores, paid equally towards the house etc and had an active social life and were pleasant to live with.

I wouldn’t want a 30 year old at home who wasn’t working, never went out and didn’t contribute though (unless there was a health reason or something similar).

My sister is 58 and lives with my father (came back after university and never left).

She's always had a job and paid board (in the early days we were fairly strapped for cash), done housework (particularly after my mother died) and had a social life. Played in an orchestra, run a children's group, been a churchwarden, trained as a Lay Reader, edited the church magazine, gone to Italy by herself and with groups. When she was made redundant she set herself up as a freelance translator and for a while language tutor.

Now my father has various serious health issues including vascular dementia. If it weren't for my sister he would have gone into a care home five years ago. There is absolutely no way I would want to do what she is doing right now, and I salute her for it. Anyone who thinks she shows no responsibility or resilience is looking through their arse.

I'm in 2 minds, I don't really understand people who seem desperate to chuck their kids out the minute they turn 18/21, but I would feel a bit sad living at home past a certain age. Probably 30+

I have a close relationship with my parents- and so does my older sister. They were (and still are) great parents and involved grandparents to my sister's 2 kids. They encouraged us to work hard and be independent where we could, they always let us know their home was open to us if we needed it. We wanted to move out, but didn't feel pressure to run to the estate agent the minute we turned 18...

Sister and I boomeranged back and forth a bit due to studying different degrees etc. She officially moved out to a rental property at age 27 (she'd moved back for a few months after finishing a PhD). I officially moved out to my first rented flat age 26-27 after finishing teacher training and getting a job.

I don't think people should worry that if you're not out the door by 25, you'll never have responsibilities, a successful relationship or a good job. Like I said, Sis and I both moved out around age 27. By 30, my sister was a married homeowner with a good job and a mortgage and a baby. By 30, I was a homeowner with a decent job and mortgage and fiance. Each to their own!

Ironically a woman I know (who's the same age as me) moved out at 16, bought a home and got married at 18, then had 3 kids in the next 5 years. She and hubby had to move back in with her parents after they realised they couldn't afford their 3 (planned) kids. Moving out sooner doesn't necessarily make someone wiser, more responsible and independent!

@AIMD yes of course I'd (probably) feel the same way too, maybe I'm just jealous as like I say I moved out at 18 and i have never had excess money to fritter on what i like whereas my friend does.

She pays a portion towards living costs but it's not very much and she doesn't do chores around the house, her parents cook for her too. Very similar to how my DM was and it was a shock to the system when I moved out and realised there's alot more to running a house than I thought!

I suppose I just can't imagine sitting on an amount of money that is easily enough to buy a house outright or put a hefty deposit down at least. She has a partner (who also lives at home) so getting alone time can't be easy. She's had this money a good 5-6 years, each to their own but if it was me I would have used it to move out and gain some independence.

The only acceptable reasons is destruction of their home and they are having it rebuilt. My children jave had every opportunity. They will not leave my home broke and penniless. I have bought them all brand new cars when they turned 16, I have invested and saved carefully for their future, they own property as soon as they turn 18. My 5 yo pays income tax because she earns more than 1100 a month. There us absolutely no reason for them to not be living their own lives at 25. They should not be in my home, living by rules when they are have the means to do otherwise. They can come and visit but live with me is completely off the table. I will not enable bad behaviors

No @Leaannb your just enabling them to believe that they dont need to work hard because mummy has handed them everything they ever need to work for on a plate. Get a grip.

I lived with my parents after uni until I was 28. Really didn’t want to rent and they were happy for me to live with them for free. Their house, their rules and I’ve always been extremely grateful. Live with my partner now but I know my parents would happily have me back if I needed somewhere to live. I read some stuff on here and think god I’m extra grateful for my parents right now