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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to ask his mum to stop?

162 replies

StarBarsTheBomb · 08/12/2020 15:46

Firstly I want to start by saying I love my MIL, this really isn't intended to be a MIL bashing thread. She is a nice person, I just don't think she realises that she's upsetting me. In fact I know she doesn't, because she wouldn't want to.

But equally I don't know if I'm just being a bloody baby and need to get over it!!

Anyway, me and DH are having a baby very soon. He recently told his mum the name we had chosen, I'd have preferred him not to but he wanted to so fine.

Anyway, ever since then every single time we speak to her she tells us we 'must change that name', 'you can't do that', 'noooo, you can't call them that' etc... Like relentlessly.

The name is very very normal, it is not out there or strange or uncommon. But apparently together with our surname it sounds like something funny... (It doesn't).

Honestly, if we genuinely thought it did sound like this I'd agree but it doesn't, it's a stretch to even get it to sound like what she's implying.

I ended up telling my mum and my aunt who hands down would honestly tell me the truth if they agreed but they were just as confused as me and said they never would have thought it sounded like that.

AIBU to mention it to DH and ask him to ask his mum to drop it now? It's always said in a jokey way but it's starting to bug me.

OP posts:

SleepyMcSleeper · 08/12/2020 17:54

It just goes to show that everyone sees things differently though because I wouldn't think anything of a lot of these.

Wouldn't think anything of F Hall or BP (not sure what that's supposed to imply?), Or GBP.

I honestly wouldn't give those a second glance.

londonscalling · 08/12/2020 17:56

If DH told her the name in the first place then let him sort it out. He just needs to tell her to please stop going on about the name as it's upsetting you. Remind her it's a name you've chosen together and you'll be calling the baby this regardless of what she says!

Topseyt · 08/12/2020 17:58

She is overstepping here and needs to butt out.

The next time she passes comment just tell her firmly that it is your decision, not hers and the baby's name will be XYZ whether she likes it or not.

I think you do have to remind her that she is not the parent this time because she seems to have forgotten that.

londonscalling · 08/12/2020 17:59

Yes, as someone else has mentioned, tell her that you like the name you've picked and if she thinks it's doesn't go with your surname then you'll give baby your surname rather than your husbands (which is probably her surname too)! She'll soon shut up about it!

Crankley · 08/12/2020 18:00

If you're expecting a boy I would tell her you have changed your mind and have decided to call him Ichabod. She will be thrilled when you eventually name him your original choice.

CharityDingle · 08/12/2020 18:00

This! I find it strange so many people on Mumsnet just don't deal with these things and nip it in the bud!?

Yes, and the response of 'I hate confrontation'.
It's not confrontation just to say simply and assertively, in this case, that the name has been chosen and it won't be changed.

TillyTopper · 08/12/2020 18:03

Just tell her firmly but politely to drop it. Get your boundaries well in place before your baby arrives would be my advice.

BlueCheckedTeatowel · 08/12/2020 18:05

one of my DC has a lecturer at university called Patrick Doe. I often wonder if anyone told his mother "P. Doe".

just tell your MIL. im sure she will be mortified to have upset you and stop.

Omeara · 08/12/2020 18:08

It's none of her business.

A name is often wirrten as initial.surname though so I think she does have a point generally, although it sounds as though she's stretching it in this instance.

She probably just doesn't like the name but won't say it directly.

Lillyhatesjaz · 08/12/2020 18:10

I have a friend who has a name where the first letter spells a word with the surname and she has been known as that as a nickname her whole life it is like Nicola Essie forever called Nessie by everyone, so it is worth considering before you name your child.

Whatamesssss · 08/12/2020 18:10

You should say to her "I've been thinking about it and you are right. We have decided to just use my maiden name so that will avoid any name calling"

She will back-pedal.

sanityisamyth · 08/12/2020 18:11

@MiriamMargo

Its not C Hunt or something on those lines is it??

I taught a C Hunt when I started teaching. I also new an A Hole. My sister's teacher (Mrs Peacock) named her son Andrew, Drew for short.

sanityisamyth · 08/12/2020 18:12

*knew

BeanieB2020 · 08/12/2020 18:13

My name is a word when spelled with just my initial and last name. It never bothered me and as far as I know, nobody apart from me noticed.

lazarusb · 08/12/2020 18:15

My dd has a name like this - she has got a handful of comments in the last 20 years but otherwise, it hasn't compromised her life or happiness!

Bananalanacake · 08/12/2020 18:17

You're supposed to give a fake name to prevent this. When the baby arrives you can say "we decided he looked much more like a David than a Horatio" I'm assuming you didn't get a chance to brief your DH, huh

stovetopespresso · 08/12/2020 18:18

We all agreed dd3 name as a family, rang mil to tell her and she TOTALLY shat on it!! Took all the joy out of it. We had a think and back pedalled. I wish I'd stood up for myself but back then I was meek and weak with motherhood.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 08/12/2020 18:26

I went to school with someone called Patrick Ennis, and my hubby with a Wayne Kerr

Camenon · 08/12/2020 18:28

I used to know a Pamela Ann Moore. I always wondered if her parents planned it.

MikeUniformMike · 08/12/2020 18:30

@museumum, W Anchor will be teased mercilessly.

@StarBarsTheBomb, middle names are rarely used in daily life.

Assuming it is something like Karl and your surname is Hunt, kids will spot it, adding a middle name won't stop that.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 08/12/2020 18:30

@Camenon sorry but I don't get that 😳

I had a friend whose name was Linda Cavanagh. Her nickname was Elsie...

LowlandLucky · 08/12/2020 18:31

Ask her why she doesn't like it. My Sister had to ask her Son and DIL not to use a certain name because it was the name of the woman her Husband had had an affair with. When my Daughter was pregnant one of the names o her shortlist was the name i had given to a baby i had miscarried. There may well be a reason so just ask.

UntamedWisteria · 08/12/2020 18:33

I had a schoolfriend whose name was A Pratt.

She changed it later in life.

Blueuggboots · 08/12/2020 18:33

My son's name is Alexander and our last name begins with an A. He shortens his name at school to Alex so ends up as Alex A as there is another Alex in the same year. Some people have noticed it spells Alexa.....we have reminded him to make plenty of space between his name and the initial of his last name.

girlsyearapart · 08/12/2020 18:33

@RUOKHon I’d like to say it gets more forgettable over time but mine was 10 years ago ...

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