To ask DH to ask his mum to stop?

[StarBarsTheBomb]

Firstly I want to start by saying I love my MIL, this really isn't intended to be a MIL bashing thread. She is a nice person, I just don't think she realises that she's upsetting me. In fact I know she doesn't, because she wouldn't want to.

But equally I don't know if I'm just being a bloody baby and need to get over it!!

Anyway, me and DH are having a baby very soon. He recently told his mum the name we had chosen, I'd have preferred him not to but he wanted to so fine.

Anyway, ever since then every single time we speak to her she tells us we 'must change that name', 'you can't do that', 'noooo, you can't call them that' etc... Like relentlessly.

The name is very very normal, it is not out there or strange or uncommon. But apparently together with our surname it sounds like something funny... (It doesn't).

Honestly, if we genuinely thought it did sound like this I'd agree but it doesn't, it's a stretch to even get it to sound like what she's implying.

I ended up telling my mum and my aunt who hands down would honestly tell me the truth if they agreed but they were just as confused as me and said they never would have thought it sounded like that.

AIBU to mention it to DH and ask him to ask his mum to drop it now? It's always said in a jokey way but it's starting to bug me.

@StellaOlivetti

I knew a girl at school called Angela Fish. So her swimming certificates would say something like: A Fish successfully swam 100 metres. I promise this is true! But it was sweet and not really teasing fodder.

That's pretty cool

I work with a guy who’s initials are BJ, I see it all the time and must admit I can’t believe his parents didn’t think of it.

My DS’s initials are OG which seemed harmless but now teens use it as short for original gangster which is assuming given he is a total Harry Potter geek

Is your surname Soul and you want to call your baby Ruby or Robby?
If so, I'm TeamMIL.

Can you not just tell her the decision is made and you won't be discussing it any more?

She's overstepping a tad, there.

Next time she says it say "Yes, we've thought about it and you're right. We don't want that association, so we are giving the baby my birth surname, not your DS's surname, and we are all changing our names - problem solved, thank you for bringing it to our attention".

An alternative approach might be to tell her you've both decided on the name but if she's really worried that it doesn't go with the last name perhaps you and DH need to change your family name to your maiden name. Then if she mentions it again pretend that's exactly what you are doing. She'll either stop mentioning it at least have something else to get worked up about.
(But seriously, I'd just ask your DH to have a word with her)

cross post RainingBats!

My daughters initials (not including middle names) are BP, my sister did flag it but I was a bit whatever about it.

Our surname is basically an instruction though (think ‘Packett’ = Pack It or ‘Pullet’ = Pull It) so all our names sound like a sentence. Sometimes there’s very little you can do about it !

Unless it’s a swear word or something offensive I wouldn’t sweat it. And you do need to confront MIL, very nicely, I’m afraid! Sets a good line for the future.

Honestly, if it’s like the F Hall example, your mil was right to point it out to you.

You may decide you disagree and don’t care if a few people think it sounds dodgy, but it’s not you that has to live with the name.

It's not rare to write names as A Surname! Most people wouldn't include the middle name initial when writing it that way unless you make a fuss either.

FWIW, I went to school with an R Hole and for five years, it was never mentioned, even in passing. Either unimaginative bullies or they were busier with non-phonetic abuse.

That's a bit cheeky of your MIL to be honest. Put your foot down OP tell your husband since he was the one who told her the name he needs to tell her to mind her own business and keep her opinions to herself she had her turn naming her kids now it's yours and DH. If you don't set the boundaries now OP when baby comes she'll think she has the right to have a say in other decisions.

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

Next time she says it say "Yes, we've thought about it and you're right. We don't want that association, so we are giving the baby my birth surname, not your DS's surname, and we are all changing our names - problem solved, thank you for bringing it to our attention".

Ha, brilliant!

I met a Mr P Ness and there as a lot of giggling about that in the workplace.

You're a grown up. Do it yourself. She is speaking to you when she says this stuff so speak back. Honestly. What is it on this forum with the whole "husband must speak to in laws. I cant possibly do it myself".

Patricia Ness?
Brian Oscar Thom?
Ivanta Manta Huggenkiss?
Hugh Jass?
Frederick Airey?

Either way OP it isn't her decision it is yours. If you are happy with the name then go for it.

Unless your family name is Windybottom and you're planning to name your baby Ivor, I'd say you're entitled to name your child anything you like.

@Dontstepinthecowpat

I work with a guy who’s initials are BJ, I see it all the time and must admit I can’t believe his parents didn’t think of it.

My DS’s initials are OG which seemed harmless but now teens use it as short for original gangster which is assuming given he is a total Harry Potter geek

I had to roll my eyes when the Beckhams had Brooklyn Joseph and said he would be known as BJ .

I'm much too old to be giggling into my tea at Ivor Windybottom

but I am (giggling, that is.)

One of sons names begins with R and our surname begins with S.

So his initial and surname sounds like Arse when you start saying it. I didn't notice. One person pointed it out to me when he was about 10. No one else seems to have noticed.

If it's the same sort of problem then ignore your MIL! And probably ignore her anyway. Get your DH to have a word. I would, I don't like confrontation either.

YANBU. It's his mum and HE made the decision to tell her so it's responsibility to make it stop.

And if MIL continues then you'll know she's not very nice after all.

@Gensola

Well if you’re called Mrs Anchor and you’re calling your son William, I think she has a point... I am a teacher and kids seize on these sort of things. Without knowing the specifics I think it’s hard to say but appreciate it is outing to share them on here!

totally not the point of the thread but i cannot make William Anchor sound anything funny in my accent? Please let me in on it?

will you mank her?
willy anchor?
will he ank her? HELP!!!!!!!!!!

I have a name that's a bit like that - first initial and surname looks a bit funny. The only people who ever picked up on it were my classmates in science because of how it was sewed on my lab coat. It made me laugh because I'd never noticed it!

Tell her you've taken on board her opinion, so will be giving the baby your pre-marriage surname instead, but keeping your choice of Christian name and will be changing your surname back too.

That should make her splutter into her teacup.