To ask DH to ask his mum to stop?

[StarBarsTheBomb]

Firstly I want to start by saying I love my MIL, this really isn't intended to be a MIL bashing thread. She is a nice person, I just don't think she realises that she's upsetting me. In fact I know she doesn't, because she wouldn't want to.

But equally I don't know if I'm just being a bloody baby and need to get over it!!

Anyway, me and DH are having a baby very soon. He recently told his mum the name we had chosen, I'd have preferred him not to but he wanted to so fine.

Anyway, ever since then every single time we speak to her she tells us we 'must change that name', 'you can't do that', 'noooo, you can't call them that' etc... Like relentlessly.

The name is very very normal, it is not out there or strange or uncommon. But apparently together with our surname it sounds like something funny... (It doesn't).

Honestly, if we genuinely thought it did sound like this I'd agree but it doesn't, it's a stretch to even get it to sound like what she's implying.

I ended up telling my mum and my aunt who hands down would honestly tell me the truth if they agreed but they were just as confused as me and said they never would have thought it sounded like that.

AIBU to mention it to DH and ask him to ask his mum to drop it now? It's always said in a jokey way but it's starting to bug me.

@Justmuddlingalong

I presume she's also want to have an opinion on being called gran, granny, nana etc. It's not all about her, so you're well within reason to pull her up on it.

Of course she’ll have an opinion on what she’s called - that’s literally all about her! Our kids gave us all the choice and fortunately we all chose something different.

@dazzlinghaze

So she would want you to rule out any name beginning with that letter? Madness. Tell her you're not changing the name so stop going on about it. Or tell DH to do it.

Yes, she's said that as well. We shouldn't use that letter because it'll sound like....

Ah ok so if the name was Charlie Hatty it would look like Chatty

I think 'Chatty' or 'Chatters' would be quite nice nicknames actually. Sometimes things aren't as bad as we imagine.

Is she thinking of the school register being called? I know a copy who used a different version of a name as when the school register was called it was the initial and the surname eg J. Doe and that way it sounded like a insult.

My mil did this AFTER the baby was born.
Literally on her first visit the day she was born.
‘Well I don’t like it and I won’t be calling her it’
I said
‘Well she won’t be answering you then will she?!’
I will never forget it or the fact that dh didn’t pull her up on it. On the name we chose together !!
FIL was the only one who stood up to her saying ‘she always knows how to spoil a party’ and took her away
Other relatives saw him giving her a serve outside on the path after they left

Without knowing the name it’s hard to tell. My ds has a name that in the form Initial-initial-Surname is a bit unfortunate. I didn’t notice until after we had him registered. And he has the same name as dh, who was actually teased with this nickname in school, and could have mentioned it
It’s also a bit of a stretch - I’d never have got there on my own but the juvenile male adults in the family saw it straight away. Difference between an all girls education and an all boys one.
She might not be wrong.

I think you or DH should tell her to put a sock in it regardless of how embarrassing the name is or isn’t. She’s made her point, she should drop it now.

(but I’m hoping it’s a Charlie Hatty sort of name rather than a Paul Enis sort!)

I remember a relative saying about our first DD “oh her initials are MOO everyone will tease her” many years on and not a single person has ever commented on the initial combo! People seem to loose it around name choices.
Just say it nicely “oh we love the name so it’s not changing hope you’ll come to love it too”

We had something similar, NC just in case!

Our son's name begins with an F and our surname is Hall so Mr F Hall.

One person said it was like like Fuck All...? I never saw it and still don't really, it's a push imo and no one else has ever pointed it out 🤷

I remember being in Derby years ago - there was a huge factory chimney with

P. Orridge on it, which always tickled me

Is it still there, I wonder?

I think she needs to be told, “Look, I don’t want to hear anything else about the name now. It’s what we are going with and it’s rude for you to keep insulting it. Can you stop, please?”

She’s taking advantage of your politeness towards her because of her son.

We made the mistake of letting MIL know the name for our first DD in advance.

Her comment? "You can't call her that, it's common."

We called her the name anyway; it's a lovely name and still suits her.

So unnecessary on her part though.

there are people who chose the name and middle name specifically for the initials.

So it might look like you have done it on purpose, instead of just liking the name.

As long as you are ok with that, your MIL is annoying for the sake of it. We all have different experiences and names remind us of completely different people or situation, but once the baby is there, it will be HIS name.

So very rare that someone will even say the name that way to even notice (which most wouldn't anyway imo).

This is a delusion. All my school, Uni and work emails have been X Surname and I haven't been allowed to change them because that's what the system gave me and it would be too complicated to allow people to request changes. My parents gave me initials which spelt a word with my surname. Kids notice. People notice. If she even has a slight point, please reconsider.

girlsyearapart

‘Well I don’t like it and I won’t be calling her it’
I said
‘Well she won’t be answering you then will she?!’

Brilliant and well done.

If it's a rude word then she might be right.

But, come on, just tell her. I have no idea how these conversations go, do you just not respond? What do you say that isn't "well that's his name, we're not changing his name"

@PussGirl

I remember being in Derby years ago - there was a huge factory chimney with

P. Orridge on it, which always tickled me

Is it still there, I wonder?

Similarly, in the Cambridge University Physiology department there was a Dr S. O. Sage.

@StarBarsTheBomb

Ah ok so if the name was Charlie Hatty it would look like Chatty

Yep that's it. So very rare that someone will even say the name that way to even notice (which most wouldn't anyway imo).

Just to note, my first name and surname make a word (a completely innocuous one) and people do notice quite a lot - they didn't when I was a child, as you don't use that combination much, but as an adult it's often on paperwork etc, and we use it a lot at work to sign things off. As I said, mine is totally normal and not at all embarrassing and if it were I could do more to avoid it (for instance, it's my signature so I suppose I'd add in my middle initial if I wanted to avoid it) but although no one ever says it in an initial surname form, I don't think it's true that it's very rare that others see it in that form.

Oh, cross-post with @LutinDeSapin but automated email addresses are an even better example! It's just worth thinking about because as I said I don't think it really comes up for little children but it does for adults.

I knew a girl at school called Angela Fish. So her swimming certificates would say something like: A Fish successfully swam 100 metres. I promise this is true! But it was sweet and not really teasing fodder.

My MIL was a dick about my first DC’s name as well. In front of DH as well, who just stood gormlessly next to her and said nothing.

I still get pissed off thinking about it seven years later.

Have you googled it? Is there something you've missed. Like my friend Ms Oakes, who named her daughter Charlotte Rose.

For a week and then she was Charlotte Anne.

It wasn't until someone said 'croakes?' to her that she put it together.

@StellaOlivetti

I knew a girl at school called Angela Fish. So her swimming certificates would say something like: A Fish successfully swam 100 metres. I promise this is true! But it was sweet and not really teasing fodder.

Aw I love that haha.

I suppose if I were going to say it were similar to anything on here, it would be PeelingMeTatties, Mr F Hall so not just one word like Mr F Uck.

I really don't think it's noticeable.

Please do be alert to potential problems though. We nearly gave our DC a most unfortunate combination of initials, I was most grateful to the person who pointed it out! 😂 We swapped two of the names, job done.

And it's not even including the middle name by the way, so with that included it doesn't sound like anything at all!