To be so pissed off with this kid?

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

Ugh. Since going back in September my 12 yr old DD has been having a bit of trouble with a boy in a couple of her classes. He is generally a joker and a bit of a pain in the arse, but out of the blue started saying DD smells of fish 😡

She definitely doesn't, by the way, nothing amiss with her personal hygiene. When she first mentioned it I suggested she completely ignore it or just laugh it off as a completely ridiculous notion. Which didn't work. He kept doing it, sometimes other people sitting around them also have a titter about it, and he's now also started getting his vile little mates to start saying the same thing to her in other lessons and it's now a very regular occurrence. It's really affecting her enjoyment of school and she had always enjoyed school previously 😡

So while she's careful not to let it visibly upset her at school, it DOES upset her, of course, and she also suffers from quite bad anxiety, so this is really unhelpful. She has a really nice circle of friends- I suggested she tell them all about it so that she isn't trying to cope with it alone and they can support her and back her up and they are doing so. She doesn't want me to talk to the school- she doesn't feel this is 'bullying', but if this boy finds out she 'snitches' on him, she feels it may turn into bullying.

I think it is already bullying but there you go. This week I've suggested she responds very confidently and aggressively to any comments to see if this will nip it in the bud. If that doesn't work I'll try and persuade her that I should talk to the school.

He's not getting away with it. I was bullied at that age and it wrecked my self confidence. It makes me fucking angry- WHY do kids have to be so unpleasant?? Just why??

So. AIBU to be so pissed off about this?
And am I telling her all the wrong things to do, and does anyone have any better ideas?

See, the older boys don't have to actually DO anything to him. They just need to turn up and let the little shit know that they know who he is and they'll be keeping an eye out.

Arh your poor daughter! He clearly quite likes her, but is being a stupid arse about it. Good on you for not putting up with it! However, I would actually, having been through this myself, get her to 'get mouthy' with him. What I mean is that she needs to fight fire with fire...something nasty back to him. Imagine he says 'fishy'to her as she walks by, and she then turns and says in a loud voice 'better smelly than tiny...tiny tim..' and wiggles her little finger. Smirks, walks away, all her mates laugh. It's not very nice but sometimes you have to be nasty to stop the bullying. Perhaps she isn't confident enough to do this, but by God she needs to try to outwit him and be nasty back..it'll soon stop...xx good luck OP xx

@Bluetrews25

You've done right contacting school, they can deal with it. My not-to-be-used retort suggestion is 'and your hands smell of your tiny little dick, pizza face'

Haha ...this xx

@WhoWants2Know and what happens when the little shit sends his older girl cousins to the school to let OPs daughter know they will be keeping an eye on her? Send in Grandad?

@HallieKnight

It's very possible one day she did smell like fish and you going in will cause her to actually start getting bullied. Then the teachers will see your kid as the boy who cried wolf. So if she's telling you it's fine, trust her.

WTF. How often do you come across a women or a teenager smelling of fish?! Never!

Such a stupid fucking thing to say. Asif the OP daughter actually smelt of fish.

The boy is just being a fucking dickhead and I vote she starts calling him Rat face twat.

Please talk to the school and do not let them give advice about 'ignore it and he'll get bored'. I was bullied throughout secondary school and that was all the school ever advised and it's lazy and an absolute delegation of responsibility. Please also don't leave the burden on her to decide to raise it - she won't as she's understandably worried about things getting worse. He's shown he's not going to give it up and has now recruited a gang of bullies to join in and he needs to be punished. I'd make the school be clear about how they're going to support her though and deal with an escalation in his nasty little behavious as a result of the complaint. Your daughter deserves to enjoy and feel safe at school and this nasty little boy needs to realise the pain he's causing and feel the repercussions for such vile behaviour.

He clearly quite likes her

No for fucks sake. He is bullying her. He doesn't like her. He thinks she's weak and wants to hurt her to show off how awesome he is. He's picked on her because he thinks she won't be able to stand up to him.

This kind of bullshit is why grown women think men hit them 'out of passion'. Fucking grow up and get a clue.

Kids are people, and just as some people are horrible and hateful, so are some kids, even if it's not a popular opinion. I don't care how old they are, a certain percentage of kids are awful human beings, the same as adults.

I'd involve the school. If your daughter is correct that this escalates the bullying, then the school can continue to be involved. This is unacceptable.

This is bullying. Don't accept any other definition from the school.

Same boy, same target (your DD), repeatedly. Bullying. Absolutely

@ClaireP20

Arh your poor daughter! He clearly quite likes her, but is being a stupid arse about it.

I agree with queenofknives, it is so damaging to tell girls/women that that an abusive male is being that way because he likes her. I thought this thinking had stopped years ago.

@tallduckandhandsome

You're giving him too much power. He's 12. Speak to the school.

This.

@HallieKnight

It's very possible one day she did smell like fish and you going in will cause her to actually start getting bullied. Then the teachers will see your kid as the boy who cried wolf. So if she's telling you it's fine, trust her.

Vile post. Reported.

How awful for your daughter; that is really upsetting behaviour. In my experience teenage boys can be very immature and annoying; maybe because they can't handle puberty very well? I have a son myself and don't look forward to this stage... Anyway, when I was a kid there was this boy in my school, who was 2 years older than me and my mates; he used to bully and harass us on the way home. Until one day my big brother stepped in and told him to f* off. He wasn't violent towards him, but it helped and the bully left us alone. Not sure if the school would achieve the sane by reprimanding your daughter's bully although they should probably be aware of how this boy is behaving.

Tell her to say to him, I buy a perfume that smells of fish so horrible little cunts like you don't sit next to me, but the thing is I can stop using the perfume if I wish but you will always be a very ugly nasty little cunt and no matter what you do you will always be fucking ugly inside and out. X

@Denthelp

Also, I’d be wary in going against your daughters wishes and speaking to the school when she has asked you not to. You will find she won’t come to you when she has other, more serious issues as you won’t be able to be trusted.

As I matter of fact I picked my daughter up from school and explained why I needed to contact the school at this point and she has agreed. I sent my email after she consented to it. So piss off and Hallie with you.

I'm so glad to read that so many parents will stick up for their bullied children. Years of bullying wrecked my confidence and consequently I ended up in an abusive relationship with severe depression. My parents told me to stop provoking the bullies. My provocation was being quiet and clever. This was the 80s and schools were not so hot on bullying so teachers looked the other way. Every day was a nightmare for me.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream we aren’t mind readers and your post had said she had asked you not to. I was replying on that basis.

It’s a bit naive to post on a forum and expect everyone to be in agreement with you. Especially when that is encouraging adults to intimidate 12 year old children.

I hope it gets sorted.

Good, InSpace!

Good for you, NameChange2, I support your decision.

coppenoliver, appreciate the sentiments but maybe the wording could be edited a little :-).

Just to update the head of year is going to call me tomorrow 👍

Bluetrews25

You've done right contacting school, they can deal with it.
My not-to-be-used retort suggestion is
'and your hands smell of your tiny little dick, pizza face'
.........
Brilliant!

@copperoliver

Tell her to say to him, I buy a perfume that smells of fish so horrible little cunts like you don't sit next to me, but the thing is I can stop using the perfume if I wish but you will always be a very ugly nasty little cunt and no matter what you do you will always be fucking ugly inside and out. X

Subtle! I like it

@HallieKnight

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Excellent decision, MNHQ.

Btw - would be great if the brothers could meet him on the way TO school with some rotten prawns and stinky cheese.

@copperoliver

Tell her to say to him, I buy a perfume that smells of fish so horrible little cunts like you don't sit next to me, but the thing is I can stop using the perfume if I wish but you will always be a very ugly nasty little cunt and no matter what you do you will always be fucking ugly inside and out. X

She's 12. Is that really what you think is an appropriate response? Ffs.

OP, good luck with the school. Bullies pick targets who they think won't fight back, so any kind of fighting back is likely to work. It's good you're showing your daughter you will defend and support her.