To be so pissed off with this kid?

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

Ugh. Since going back in September my 12 yr old DD has been having a bit of trouble with a boy in a couple of her classes. He is generally a joker and a bit of a pain in the arse, but out of the blue started saying DD smells of fish 😡

She definitely doesn't, by the way, nothing amiss with her personal hygiene. When she first mentioned it I suggested she completely ignore it or just laugh it off as a completely ridiculous notion. Which didn't work. He kept doing it, sometimes other people sitting around them also have a titter about it, and he's now also started getting his vile little mates to start saying the same thing to her in other lessons and it's now a very regular occurrence. It's really affecting her enjoyment of school and she had always enjoyed school previously 😡

So while she's careful not to let it visibly upset her at school, it DOES upset her, of course, and she also suffers from quite bad anxiety, so this is really unhelpful. She has a really nice circle of friends- I suggested she tell them all about it so that she isn't trying to cope with it alone and they can support her and back her up and they are doing so. She doesn't want me to talk to the school- she doesn't feel this is 'bullying', but if this boy finds out she 'snitches' on him, she feels it may turn into bullying.

I think it is already bullying but there you go. This week I've suggested she responds very confidently and aggressively to any comments to see if this will nip it in the bud. If that doesn't work I'll try and persuade her that I should talk to the school.

He's not getting away with it. I was bullied at that age and it wrecked my self confidence. It makes me fucking angry- WHY do kids have to be so unpleasant?? Just why??

So. AIBU to be so pissed off about this?
And am I telling her all the wrong things to do, and does anyone have any better ideas?

Many, many years ago when I was at primary school pig was the insult of choice. The appropriate response was "pig is of nature, nature is of beauty, thank you for the compliment". Would that help?

Substituting fish for pig of course

Speak to the school ASAP.

If picking on gets worse, report again and again.

Can her brothers pick her up from now until Christmas? There’s no interaction needed, no confrontation. But sadly from experience, this little shit knowing she has grown up brothers at home may grant her a little respect as awful as that sounds.

Email the school
And email the school every single time that little bastard upsets her
Be that parent ,who won’t accept her child being bullied

Tell her to tell him to fuck off you rat faced twat every time he does it.

She needs to stand up for herself right away and not let him get away with it.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

You are all completely correct of course. The problem is, I have two much older boys who went to the same school, who both agree that there MAY be repercussions if I get involved. The problem is, he isn't saying this to loads of girls as far as I know, so it's reasonable to assume he will know it's my DD who 'snitched'. He's already shown himself capable of getting his horrible mates involved. What might he do next? Little bastard. Why do they think they are

He’s a child. Let the adults deal with it. Report the little git. Have the school anti bullying policy to hand. Make it clear that you expect any retaliation to be prevented. I’m so angry on your behalf. What type of man will he grow up to be?

Oh ffs, is this misogynistic shit still going on?

They did this in my school. It's sexist and trying to make her feel shamed about her genitals. Trust me - the 'smells of fish' comment is a direct reference to female anatomy. It's a sexist insult as old as time.

Go to the head as it's sexist bullying.

Someone messaged me calling me fishy f every day for a year when I was at school. It was humiliating even when no one else saw the messages.

This is how bullies operate, they prey on those that they see as weak and those that won't do anything about it. I don't understand why you're concerned about the boy knowing that the issue has been raised

Your daughter is being bullied and she needs your help, this little horrible child needs stoping right away and don't worry about him, he isn't worried about your daughter!

@Aquamarine1029

If that doesn't work or it gets worse let her brothers get involved. Sometimes getting smack from someone bigger and nastier can do the trick.

Yes, of course. Send your son's to beat up a 12 year old child like common hoodlums so they can get a criminal record by being charged with assault.

I don' t think the 12 year old should be beaten up or physically harmed at all. But IF the school fail to deal with it then that 12 year old is going to think its acceptable, and grow up, and eventually insult the wrong person and get the shit well and truly kicked out of him. Its not right, but its what likely to happen if he goes round telling women they smell of fih. So its actually less harmful for him in the long term to get taught not to do it now (as well as being important for the OPs daughter). I would definately try to get the school to deal with it now. I absolutely do not condone physical violence against a 12 year old, but some older boys asking "did you say my little sister smelt of fish. What did you mean by that..." might help.

Although yes I have to admit my bullying only stopped in school when I punched the bastard in the face.

How old are her brothers?

It sounds from your posts that they are no longer at the school so think it’s a bit bizarre that you and some posters are suggesting sending possible adults to the school to speak to a 12 year old child. As annoying as he sounds, I’m not sure this is bullying and she is going to come up against this sort of rubbish at school.

I would be teaching your daughter to stick up for herself and some resiliency.

please speak to the school asap. if there are repercussions then speak to them about them too!! do not let the bully ruin her enjoyment of school and destroy her confidence!!!
in my experience of 2 teenage kids at secondary, the school have been great and any repercussions were VERY swiftly dealt with and with weight.
I hope she gets it sorted xxx

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

By the way my older boys are quite keen on going to the school and beating up the 12 year old for my DD

Maybe save that for the ‘repercussions’ if any.

Seriously - talk to the school. Tell them your daughter is worried about being a snitch. This won’t be the first time they have come across this.

Can you ask the school to 'listen out' for the comments so the staff can jump in as if they've heard it rather than it's come from her? That way they are able to tackle it without her having snitched as such.

I absolutely do not condone physical violence against a 12 year old, but some older boys asking "did you say my little sister smelt of fish. What did you mean by that..." might help.

I agree. The brothers can appear menacing without actually being so.

However I would also go to the school and speak to teacher/head of year in the op's position.

My Son was bullied- Small for year as late July birthday- and he said bullying only stopped when he hit the bully HARD.
He was suspended for two days, as was bully but it stopped it.
That snide little twerp bullying your daughter needs a Glasgow Kiss right on the bridge of his bullying nose.
Doubt he’d torment her again.
It IS bullying, and you do need to step in if your daughter can’t give a snappy verbal comeback to wither his confidence.

Another reason why it is better to report to the school is that if she does eventually snap and retaliate, it will be portrayed as her being the agressor unless they already know he is doing this

Deal with it properly through the school. FGS don’t get her brothers involved. The moment you do that, you’ve lost the upper hand and it could well escalate. He could have older male relatives himself and you could end up with a full scale feud on your hands. The last thing he school or your daughter needs.

I get that you’re angry and you should be. The little git needs to be read the riot act, but by the school, not you or your sons.

@CorianderQueen

Although yes I have to admit my bullying only stopped in school when I punched the bastard in the face.

Exactly. Physical retaliation often nips it in the bud.

Her brothers are 19 and 22. No need to Pearl Clutch, the 'beating up' was just a joke. The 19 might meet her from school a few times. He's got long hair and a beard and looks quite cool, it might lend her a bit of gravitas.
I would have killed for a couple of older brothers!!

I have sent a fairly strongly worded email to the head of year and pastoral and will report back when I have a reply. Thanks all.

@Denthelp

How old are her brothers?

It sounds from your posts that they are no longer at the school so think it’s a bit bizarre that you and some posters are suggesting sending possible adults to the school to speak to a 12 year old child. As annoying as he sounds, I’m not sure this is bullying and she is going to come up against this sort of rubbish at school.

I would be teaching your daughter to stick up for herself and some resiliency.

It absolutely IS bullying- it's been going on for 3 fucking months! What would you call it? A little light jocularity?

Tell her to splatter his nose across his face.

Then when the school call you in reward her with a McDonald's or something.

@Gobbycop

Tell her to splatter his nose across his face.

Then when the school call you in reward her with a McDonald's or something.

@amihavinganervousbreakdown

Can you ask the school to 'listen out' for the comments so the staff can jump in as if they've heard it rather than it's come from her? That way they are able to tackle it without her having snitched as such.

Yes I definitely will, thankyou

@CorianderQueen

Although yes I have to admit my bullying only stopped in school when I punched the bastard in the face.

Well done. Me too, when I was a kid. Go us!