To be so pissed off with this kid?

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

Ugh. Since going back in September my 12 yr old DD has been having a bit of trouble with a boy in a couple of her classes. He is generally a joker and a bit of a pain in the arse, but out of the blue started saying DD smells of fish 😡

She definitely doesn't, by the way, nothing amiss with her personal hygiene. When she first mentioned it I suggested she completely ignore it or just laugh it off as a completely ridiculous notion. Which didn't work. He kept doing it, sometimes other people sitting around them also have a titter about it, and he's now also started getting his vile little mates to start saying the same thing to her in other lessons and it's now a very regular occurrence. It's really affecting her enjoyment of school and she had always enjoyed school previously 😡

So while she's careful not to let it visibly upset her at school, it DOES upset her, of course, and she also suffers from quite bad anxiety, so this is really unhelpful. She has a really nice circle of friends- I suggested she tell them all about it so that she isn't trying to cope with it alone and they can support her and back her up and they are doing so. She doesn't want me to talk to the school- she doesn't feel this is 'bullying', but if this boy finds out she 'snitches' on him, she feels it may turn into bullying.

I think it is already bullying but there you go. This week I've suggested she responds very confidently and aggressively to any comments to see if this will nip it in the bud. If that doesn't work I'll try and persuade her that I should talk to the school.

He's not getting away with it. I was bullied at that age and it wrecked my self confidence. It makes me fucking angry- WHY do kids have to be so unpleasant?? Just why??

So. AIBU to be so pissed off about this?
And am I telling her all the wrong things to do, and does anyone have any better ideas?

Thanks marie that's useful

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

dent this is my fucking thread not yours, and if candy wants to link the Jamie Bulger case to make a point about the age of criminal responsibility she is perfectly entitled to do so, so shove your mock outrage up your arse and mess up someone else's thread. This thread has been great apart from your snide rubbish. Just SHUT UP

🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻

Perhaps you should all stop tagging me and then showing outrage when I dare to reply with a different opinion to yours.

Just a thought.

Fuuuuuccccckkkkk offffffffffffff already.

Oh bore off 🙄

dent are you always this obnoxious or is pre xmas stress getting to you. Have a Baileys. You need to relax.

@mhhq should be able to mute users like dent who are only on the thread to derail and be a goady wanker.

[quote JoeCalFuckingZaghe]@mhhq should be able to mute users like dent who are only on the thread to derail and be a goady wanker.[/quote]
Mmm it is a trifle irritating

@Plonque

Fuuuuuccccckkkkk offffffffffffff already.

That made me chuckle! In my head you sounded like my 15 y/o when he's really annoyed with his brother!!! 😂😂😂

Unleash her big brothers. I'm a teacher and honestly don't think there is anything school or parents can do to stop this sort of nastiness. He needs to be scared for his safety. He's not bothered by a telling off, I can promise you that.

I’d be disgusted with my son if I found out he’d been saying things like that, it is bullying definitely not ‘banter’ oh and @Denthelp you are behaving like a bully yourself, her son doesn’t sound cool?? Wtf.

That made me chuckle! In my head you sounded like my 15 y/o when he's really annoyed with his brother!!!

It was my visceral reaction so I just wrote it down 😂

It is definitely bullying and would be dealt with as such at the school I work in. Speak to her tutor or head of year as its definitely not on. Big hugs to both of you x

My friend in high school really did smell of fish she was bullied mercilessly I wish her parents had stepped in and sorted it but I think they moved her away instead

@slipperywhensparticus

My friend in high school really did smell of fish she was bullied mercilessly I wish her parents had stepped in and sorted it but I think they moved her away instead

That is very sad. Well my DD definitely DOESN'T smell of anything, but all this shit is making her question it all the same

You’d bloody know if she smelt, he’s just being disgusting.

Unleash her big brothers. I'm a teacher and honestly don't think there is anything school or parents can do to stop this sort of nastiness. He needs to be scared for his safety. He's not bothered by a telling off, I can promise you that

I hope you’re not really a teacher. This is such, such unhelpful bullshit.

I’m really glad your daughter is feeling better OP, and that the school has acted quickly. Well done to them, and to you.

I ran a group recently with younger teen boys about their attitudes towards female students. We did lots of talking about where it comes from - there’s a massive issue with many younger boys accessing porn - really hardcore stuff - online. I’m absolutely convinced that many of the very problematic attitudes we are seeing in schools stem from this.

I know that boys being sexually inappropriate/misogynistic/bullying towards girls has always been there, but I think access to porn has added a new layer of WTF to it.

Anyway. Sorry OP. Detailing.

A bit of a delayed update as I've been out at an appointment most of the evening: DD's science teacher is also assistant HOY, and she took her to one side and explained the boys had been spoken to, and DD could expect no more trouble. The teacher asked her to come straight to her if anything else was said, however small. The rest of the day was totally uneventful.
DD is really happy and relieved-taking charge and contacting the school WAS the right thing to do as you all correctly pointed out (well,presuming all stays quiet).
The only really sad note is DD says it keeps playing on her mind why she was targeted in particular. I did everything I could to reassure her and bolster her confidence and she was fine, but it's maddening how easily these little bastards stomp all over our kids self-esteem.
Bullies can just go fuck themselves.

What horrors, remember to follow up with an email just in case it does escalate.

Its really lovely that your daughter felt able to come to you in the first place. Something similar happened to a girl in my school and I remember it being dismissed with "maybe he has a crush on her" It kept escalating until she moved schools, and he went unpunished.

The only really sad note is DD says it keeps playing on her mind why she was targeted in particular

She wasn’t. I’d lay money on the boys saying it to lots of girls who just haven’t said anything. It’s not about her, it’s them.

Bullies keep bullying anyone they get an entertaining reaction from. It sounds like they enjoyed seeing your DD look embarrassed, so they kept doing it. It's completely understandable that she felt and looked embarrassed (anyone would). Maybe advise her to cultivate a boring vacant stare for use in future, if needed; if nothing else it might make her feel she has a strategy for next time and bolster her confidence a bit.

I was bullied at school and my mother told me it was MY fault. (Tbf she was an abusive bully too. Probably why I was a target at school in the first place.) Fucking hate bullies. I’m so proud of you AND the school!

contessa yes we have been trying to cultivate the bored confident stare.
just sounds like you had a crap time but thank you so much

I know we had days where the science classrooms would be really stinky because of experiments that had given in earlier that day. Even the corridors by science would smell. Maybe that’s what prompted the boys to start saying something (obviously nothing to do with your DD and everything to do with the boys being idiots).

Wasn’t sure if that would help a reason why it might have started.