That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

[Shiraznowplease]

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

I can't think of the pandemic as having 'been' yet iykwim.

It still feels like we're very much in the thick of it.

To be fair OP did acknowledge that it's been very shit for a lot of people. Nothing wrong with looking for the silver lining in bad situations, and it's not as if OP finding it a good year overall is going to somehow make things any worse for those of us who didn't.

But it's just been such a horrible year for so many people. And especially during the first lockdown, there were a lot of people (and newspaper columns, and Facebook memes, and so on and bloody on) talking about how great it all was like their experience was everybody's experience. "It's so good for us all to get to spend more time with our loved ones!" "We've all got used to this slower pace of life." "Ha well suppose you'll have to parent your own kids for a change, shouldn't have had them if you don't want to, some of us are actually enjoying all our lovely long lazy days baking banana bread and doing Joe Wicks workouts with just our own little family."

So people are very, very sensitive to any suggestion that it's actually been a good year for us as a nation somehow. It might seem like making a distinction between "AIBU to think the pandemic hasn't been all bad?" and "AIBU to have found some good out of this year?" is just people being picky and pedantic, but after the background of the last year, I can see why people do.

Like some other PO I am one of the ‘luckier’ ones and YABVVU.
I have a secure job I love, friends, outdoor hobbies that have be minimally affected, older DC, large house and garden am healthy and resilient and no money probs, but feel for those who don’t have any of that.
So easy of your job is secure to look for ‘silver linings’ But there are countless people who will be permanently scarred by the knee jerk lockdowns. As a teacher I am massively concerned about children in high rise flats with single mothers EAL poverty, young people whose entry level jobs (that give self-esteem as well as income) annihilated, DV, marital breakdown, families separated, total loss of civil liberties.
But bully for you OP, you’re ok,

It depends on your personal situation. If you don’t have kids or have older kids, if you didn’t lose your job or have your salary reduced , if you didn’t lose a family member, if you didn’t get really poorly and suffer long term effects, if you were able to WFH, then maybe the pandemic hasn’t been so bad for you. But people who’ve lost their homes and incomes and loved ones, or who’ve struggled to raise and educate children with no support, would disagree.

If you can't see the poor taste in this, how about if I pick the one silver lining for our family personally this year... that we've saved money from cancelled holidays, reduced nursery fees, wfh and not going out?

Then I could post..."AIBU to be pleased that we've saved thousands of pounds due to Covid this year?"

Yes, that is our experience. But shoving it in the faces of those who have lost jobs and are struggling to feed their families feels a little gauche.

This isn't about silver linings, it's about lack of empathy and sensitivity, exemplified by the OP's second post in which she said I am sick to dead of everyone being so bloody negative all the time.

Well, if you had a parent who died. If you have a sister who can’t get the heart treatment she needs. If you have a disabled young adult son whose lifelines within the community have disappeared. If you’ve been furloughed but worry about your job and how to pay the mortgage. If you couldn’t attend a friend’s funeral and offer support to the family because of the “rules”. If...if...if...

@Shiraznowplease

Think some people need to re read, I didn’t not say it was all fine and fucking dandy. I have had two weeks off since March, I work much longer hours however there have been positives and I am sick to dead of everyone being so bloody negative all the time.

I am not negating people dying, I have been there. I have been incredibly busy treating patients, I haven’t seen my parents bar zoom etc for months however think that trying to see positives is not a bad thing.

The vaccine is out and am due to have later this week ... although some people on here will probably have issues with that too. 🙄 The end is in sight for us all.

Trying to see positives isn't a bad thing. But you said the 'pandemic isn't all bad' and for some of us it really has.

Thanks to the pandemic, I'm a newly single parent, unemployed (but never got the benefit of furlough or reduced hours at home, instead I was working full time and more, neglecting my kids to the point that one fell down the stairs while I was on a conference call, but still was distracted enough with home schooling that when mass redundancies came I wasn't in the top quartile who made it through), and haven't seen my family overseas for over a year (and they are in poor health, isolating don't have good enough internet for even a solitary zoom, like you've had in the months since you've seen yours), my grandfather died alone without physical contact in a care home (not of covid, he went into a rapid mental and physical decline following isolation). One of my children was undergoing specialist treatment for additional needs that completely stopped then was attempted on zoom, but she absolutely refused to engage and has gone so far backwards. Not being on any of the priority lists, I don't see any 'end in sight' given that the job market is a disaster, the NHS waiting lists are beyond immense, and it will be deep into 2021 when there's enough vaccine that numbers go way down, and we'll go straight into Brexit.

So yes, I feel the pandemic is pretty bad. Day to day of course I try to find the positives, there's no point whining. But it's easy for someone in a healthcare role and about to get a vaccine to say how they're tired of people being 'so bloody negative all the time'. Many of our lives have entirely fallen apart.

Oh hallelujah, I got money back from cancelled concert tickets. I’m not spending much money in the pub. I’m not spending much on anything, tbh, because there’s nowhere to go and we’re barred from meeting up with people.

“Not all bad” - well I really can’t see much benefit from where I am. I’ll be bloody negative if I want, this is shit, and all we can do is endure the best we can.

Glad you have enjoyed it op! I have worked all the way through it and it has left me traumatised. I'm burnt out and so are my team. It's not over yet...so merry Christmas!!

Oh yes it's been feckin brilliant, my wedding was cancelled so was my honeymoon + another holiday, my business (tourism) is on the verge of collapse so yes it's been wonderful.

Completely destroyed my mental health and had a huge impact on my physical health as well so I can’t agree. I’m also a healthcare professional. On a less selfish note I am so sad for all those who died and lost loved ones, those whose health had been damaged and those who lost their jobs, livelihoods and homes.

I guess it’s been good for some.

For us it’s been fine, I have enjoyed time of work with the kids, being less stressed.
My daughters health has been the best it’s
Ever been.
I have an easy going teenager who has had no issue with shielding.

I lost a lot of income but have savings.

I do however know how hard it has been for some so overall I wish it didn’t happen of course.

I agree. We’ve been incredibly blessed. My DH never lost his job. I’ve now de registered my children to homeschool full time as we loved it.

But then my health has been very bad. Friends have lost a child from a brain tumour. It’s all come crashing down recently.

@OverTheRubicon

That sounds so incredibly tough for you.

I’m not sure I understand what people were doing before that was so stressful that the pandemic makes them less stressed!!???

@museumum - illness, bereavement, divorce, being in an abusive relationship, fleeing from conflict.....

@museumum

I’m not sure I understand what people were doing before that was so stressful that the pandemic makes them less stressed!!???

Maybe a stressful job

I worked all the way through, my kids loved being home schooled. Luckily they are old enough where they could just get on with it. I hate crowds and have always done online shopping anyway. I've saved loads of money as my life stayed the same but we couldn't go out so I spent less. My familie has enjoyed 2020.

I still had to go to the office but didn't see clients face to face so my work was far less stressful.

Op you missed off the... Pandemic hasn't been bad... For me.

It's been great for us! A few years ago it would have been atrocious, younger dc needing entertaining etc would have been awful, elderly parents far away to worry about.. However...

It's hit us at a good time. Dc have been of a very manageable age, in fact lock down really suited one dc and they have thrived and blossomed enormously!

It came at the right time in March just when it was possible to get into the garden!

No elderly relatives on my side to worry about and in terms of the in laws its been a wonderful excuse to not see them and take that pressure off!!

However.. I do feel the worst is yet to come re winter.... This is the dark before the dawn for sure... We are in covid thriving temps now...

There is good and bad in every experience.

Not commuting, ferrying children to loads of activities, play dates, socialising...

Not doing these things frees up considerable time, even if I wish we could do most of it. I realise the kids don’t have to do all those things, but lot harder to say no when all their friends are doing it too.

The commute is a big one for me, saving 1.5hrs a day which means I get to walk the kids to school, they are doing less wrap around care as we can nip up the road and get them rather than stressing about whether we will make it back in time for pick up. Also allows me to stick dinner on while still working , or prep at lunchtime which helps not stress about getting dinner ready (possibly before an activity!) when you are both working.

Musuem for me the break from wrestling an extremely difficult child into and out cars and school run has been blissful... The fact dh has been able to do far more school runs due to wfh... Again bliss for me...

That's for a start..