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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

328 replies

Shiraznowplease · 08/12/2020 06:22

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 08/12/2020 06:56

No it's been devastating. I had to visit my terminally ill wife via a hospital window which opened six inches through which we managed to hold hands. She came home two days before she died. She received her terminal diagnosis alone in hospital because I couldn't be there. Heartbreaking.

joystir59 · 08/12/2020 06:58

She died 2nd July this year

thefishthatcouldwish · 08/12/2020 06:59

My dad died alone because of COVID visiting restrictions. So no pandemic has been very shit for me

pinkearedcow · 08/12/2020 07:00

I think right at the start of the first lockdown a lot of people were saying things like this. The novelty of time at home, no traffic on the roads etc.

Not so much now though, I think most people are just ground down by it all. I know I am. We'll probably have close to 70,000 people dead by the end of the year. That is a dreadful number as is the million and a half dead across the world.

EssentialHummus · 08/12/2020 07:01

As others have said, it's been terrible for lots of people (and the negative effects fall disproportionately on those least able to bear them - if you're poor you're more likely to be in insecure employment which isn't doable remotely, thereby putting you on the front line, and in poorer quality housing).

The net effect has been positive for my family.

pinkearedcow · 08/12/2020 07:01

I am so sorry @joystir59 and @thefishthatcouldwish Flowers

PaddyF0dder · 08/12/2020 07:02

Really wish people would stop creating thread like this.

Wasn’t so bad for you? Great. Well done. What do you want?

See above OP: people have had a devastating year. Personally it’s been the worst year of my life.

I’m glad you’ve had a nice time. But maybe exercise the minuscule amount of common sense necessary to keep it to yourself.

pinkearedcow · 08/12/2020 07:08

We are all different I suppose, but I hinestly don't understand how the net effect can have been positive for anyone? Even if you have not been affected personally, financially etc., living against a backdrop of huge numbers of people dying, masks, lockdowns pretty much pushes the net effect into the negative, doesn't it?

Sadformum · 08/12/2020 07:08

For some perspective, my dear mum is about to have her life support switched off. Despite living five miles from the hospital, Covid rule mean we have been unable to see her, we still maybe unable to be there when this happens although they are trying so very hard to help this happen. This is due to being on a high decency ward with no available private rooms due to Covid admissions.

She doesn’t have t Covid, she will not die from Covid but the pandemic has robbed us from being with her in her final days.

Please show a little more sensitivity to others and perhaps just count your blessings instead.

Coldilox · 08/12/2020 07:08

Despite us both being incredibly grateful that we have secure jobs and income, it’s been shit. Working longer hours in increasingly stressful conditions. Unable to see family (not seen my parents since Feb and God knows how long it will be). Son has missed out on essential early schooling. DW’s grandmother died (not of Covid) and she hadn’t seen her in months. Juggling childcare around two shift workers who’s shifts were changed without the usual family support. Missing a family Christmas. I have GAD and had a massive flare up early on, was basically suicidal (thankfully am doing much better these days). Friends have lost close family members - one lost both parents within 5 days of each other. Other friends losing businesses they’ve worked so hard to build up, losing jobs or being worried about losing them.

So no, I don’t agree it’s not been all that bad.

demelza82 · 08/12/2020 07:09

Even if I'm doing ok, which I am for now, I have this weird thing called 'empathy for others' and 'seeing the bigger picture' OP - awful post

pinkearedcow · 08/12/2020 07:09

Honestly

MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat · 08/12/2020 07:09

Of course YANBU to observe that, for you, there have been... hmm, maybe not positives exactly as they came at such a cost but - silver linings perhaps? There have been some for me, too.

However, I have lost some of the things dearest to me, including my mental wellbeing. I don't mean my mental health, but something more akin to joie de vivre. My get up and go has got up and gone and I feel I've aged about 100 years. I am (genuinely) very glad there are people out there who are totally unaffected or for whom this has been a lovely chance to take stock. I am glad that, for some, furlough was a much needed break from the rat race.

I really hope some of the things we've (as a society) learnt about ourselves can remain a priority, or be de- or re-prioritised accordingly once life if on an even keel.

megletthesecond · 08/12/2020 07:10

It's been awful here I'm afraid. Me and the dc's haven't had any quality time. We're sick of the sight of each other and I could cry at my messy house, that they will not help to tidy for love nor money nor screen time bans.
I've WFH all the way through.

Sadformum · 08/12/2020 07:10

Sorry for typos. *high depency.

Mum is in her sixties.

MarthasGinYard · 08/12/2020 07:10

'Really wish people would stop creating thread like this.'

Quite

Huge lack of awareness and thought

Thanks to the PP who have lost loved ones and are struggling. It's fucking awful. The stuff nitemares are made of.

Meanwhile Op wheels out another baking activity or board game. Hmm

thepeopleversuswork · 08/12/2020 07:11

No its been utterly awful for me and I'm one of very luckiest ones.

I know you're not deliberately trying to come across as smug but your post is at best extreemely tactless and has dragged up some really horrible memories of the first lockdown.

No one can blame you for having had a relatively easy time and some positive outputs but please if you feel like this keep it to yourself. A large number of people died and millions are in dreadful financial situations. Just keep it to yourself. It's really deeply upsetting to some of us.

I have managed not to get COVID and I didn't lose my job. But I have been driven nearly to breakdown by the demands of my work and the fact that I couldn't home school or spend time with my DD while I was in the same house as her. It was brutally awful for both of us and both of us are still in counselling.

One of the things which made it particularly painful for me was people who were either on furlough or who didn't have to work endlessly posting things on social media such as "how lovely to spend time with the kids" and "its great to have an opportunity to slow down and appreciate what's really important in life" or "how nice not to have to rush around and pretend to enjoy socialising" etc. When I was locked in my bedroom for 10 hours a day working with my DD crying in the other room.

If you enjoyed it, a period of dignified silence on your part would be much appreciated.

SlightDelay · 08/12/2020 07:12

Bonkerz.

timeforawine · 08/12/2020 07:14

@PaddyF0dder

Really wish people would stop creating thread like this.

Wasn’t so bad for you? Great. Well done. What do you want?

See above OP: people have had a devastating year. Personally it’s been the worst year of my life.

I’m glad you’ve had a nice time. But maybe exercise the minuscule amount of common sense necessary to keep it to yourself.

This. Your well aware many many people have suffered tremendously but still want to post how it was good for you?! Way too soon! Keep it to yourself
SinkGirl · 08/12/2020 07:16

I don’t think YABU - I think it’s healthy and normal to look for the positive parts of what has been a really shitty year. I’m glad that there have been some positives for you and your family and for others, and it hasn’t been non-stop awful for everyone. Appreciating what you have is not unreasonable.

We’ve had an awful year with incredibly high amounts of stress (no respite of nursery with our disabled twins home 24/7 most of the year while I was going through the tribunal process for their education) but now they’ve started at school, they are happy and things are looking up for us personally. I’m fully aware that’s not the case for everyone and feel awful for those who are having such a difficult time, who’ve lost loved ones and jobs and are terrified about their finances - that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the positives happening to you and be grateful for them.

pinkearedcow · 08/12/2020 07:17

@MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat

Of course YANBU to observe that, for you, there have been... hmm, maybe not positives exactly as they came at such a cost but - silver linings perhaps? There have been some for me, too.

However, I have lost some of the things dearest to me, including my mental wellbeing. I don't mean my mental health, but something more akin to joie de vivre. My get up and go has got up and gone and I feel I've aged about 100 years. I am (genuinely) very glad there are people out there who are totally unaffected or for whom this has been a lovely chance to take stock. I am glad that, for some, furlough was a much needed break from the rat race.

I really hope some of the things we've (as a society) learnt about ourselves can remain a priority, or be de- or re-prioritised accordingly once life if on an even keel.

MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat god yes, my get up and go has packed up and gone too. I can just about fake it most days, but it is hard.
malificent7 · 08/12/2020 07:17

Yes it's awful that people have died...im work in hospitals so am useed to it BUT part of keeping the human spirit alive and to triumph in the face of adversity is to see the positives in a bad situation.
So selfishly i have not lost anyone duue to covid but did loose mil this year to cancer. I have enjoyed not seeing my dad as much...i love him but we were living in each others pockets so not healthy. I enjoyed leaving my toxic placement early. I enjoyed cycling every day.
I di miss travel but the environment has benefitted from not flying
So yes...shit in some ways but there is always a silver lining.
Also death is the only inevitable thing about life...we cannot afford to wallow in misery because of this fact.

malificent7 · 08/12/2020 07:18

Im not saying that loosing mil was a positive btw...we were devastated.

Newjez · 08/12/2020 07:18

There were positives at the start. Joe wicks and everyone pulling together after the divisiveness of brexit. Plus no brexit in the news. It was nice to go for bike rides without cars.
But it didn't last long. Now we are divided over lockdown no lockdown, vaccine no vaccine. People are in open war on social media. People break the rules. People report others who break the rules.
I think I've had enough now. I'd like my world back.

TokyoSushi · 08/12/2020 07:23

Honestly, I've hated it.

My life has changed beyond all recognition. I'm not really sure who the old me is anymore and feel that 2021 will pretty much be starting from scratch.

I say this from a makeshift bed in my home office as we wait for the result of DH's Covid test which would be the cherry on the cake that is 2020.