That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

[Shiraznowplease]

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

I think it’s been the worst year of my life. I’m overseas, so haven’t seen my parents since January. I’ve been homeschooling since March, as we only went back in hybrid mode (2.5 hours a day) which I’ve had to juggle with working from home, plus my autoimmune illnesses have flared big time.

Nobody has lost a job, my kids are happy enough, but by god I don’t know how anyone can be having a lovely time right now.

I can only speak from my own experience.

The pandemic has made us really quite isolated here since we don't have family living nearby who we can see out of the house. It has also massively increased my workload. My DH works long hours out of the home and my work is project-based so I usually rely on my mother staying in our house for 3-4 days to look after DS when I'm finishing a project so I can rely concentrate on it. That hasn't been able to happen this year and we've had multiple stints of self-isolation or nursery being shut so I've literally been pulling repeated all-nighters to get though. At one point, it was work through one night, sleep two nights and repeat... I'm still dealing with the backlog of work and get up at 4.30am every morning to do 3 hours before DS wakes up. Having to deal with a challenging toddler and then cram more work in after bedtime is just soul-destroying. I sometimes feel like I haven't had an hour to myself when I've not been sleeping/working/doing childcare/cleaning since March.

However, we haven't had any financial difficulties here caused by Covid and remain thankful for small mercies.

No it's been a horrible year. I can see smell positives like my husband and I have kept our jobs and no one close to us has died.
Everything else has been shit and I feel sorry for those who have lost their jobs, homes or loved ones. Or those who have recovered mostly but still feel ill or are suffering from side effects. I worry that when my children grow up they'll be no jobs.
My mental health is a mess and having a baby in lockdown was horrible and next week he's starting sessions at nursery and I can't even settle him in.
No baby groups, no seeing friends or family, only phone support from HVs and GPs. It's been rubbish.
It might be great for some people but even if it has surely you can see it's been horrendous for society as a whole.

i dont think it has been too bad, overall its been fine and something to tell the grand kids one day.

Luckily very few things ate universally bad for all people and I'm glad there are positives for some people. But if in 10 years time people try to portray this year as a simpler time when the nation all pulled together for the common good, frying spam fritters and clapping the NHS then I, for one, will spit at them.

No, it's been shit.

I'm a HCP too (mental health nurse) yes I haven't lost my job or anything but the effect it's having on people is increasing our workload.

I hate not being able to have any spontaneity, can't just nip down the pub or have a short break. When the lockdowns were full on I hated even going too far from home (except work and back) for fear I couldn't find a loo when I needed one.

People are dobbing each other in for not wearing masks, meeting others etc.

I hate masks, I hate queuing, I hate every damn thing about it.

I'm delighted there's an end in sight now with the vaccine....bring it on.

"Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse for some."

And obviously the reverse is also true. Personally this has been a hard and shit year for us but materially we haven't suffered as neither of us have lost our jobs, nor anyone we love. But much worse years for me were the two when I lost a parent then sibling to stupid treatable illnesses that weren't caught in time. And there have been some aspects of life that have been easier for me, such as working from home. It's human nature to look for the silver lining, it doesn't mean the OP is a monster.

Oh and clapping for the NHS was bloody patronising.

I have constant anxiety. For me, as much as there have quite obviously been hard times (I had covid and my grandad almost died of it), at the same time, the rules and regulations have pretty much removed any possibility of me having to do anything that I used to feel anxious about, particularly socialising in large groups. I've been able to live a quiet, laid back, relaxed life this year - and part of me has relished it. I have very much been able to retreat into my comfort zone.

I am quite worried about things getting 'back to normal' however, as I feel I have taken many steps backwards with my anxiety and letting things slip, but it was literally illegal to do certain things so there hasn't been a great deal I could do about it.

No. Not for me. I struggle to see how you can say that.

And the NHS is fucked.

I've finished this year unemployed and a single parent, didn't get to see my grandfather before he died, and haven't seen any of my family as they all live overseas.

The potential environmental benefits are being negated by people driving instead of using public transport, Amazon destruction happening due to lack of oversight and consequences etc.

I'm genuinely pleased to year that some people have had good this year. But OP didn't say 'pandemic isn't all bad for some', she said 'isn't all bad'. And on that basis, she is very much BU.

The OPs view is valid. If someone posts on here that they are finally pregnant after years of conceiving we don't tell them to shut up and think of all the women who can't conceive or have died in childbirth.

It would be more like someone posting on here to say they were pregnant in a world where only a small fraction of the population were able to conceive. I can appreciate that for lots of people the last year has been ok but the vast majority of people have been negatively affected.

Of course it's perfectly acceptable to feel it's been good for you as an individual.
However it has been wretched for lots of people. Death, redundancy, mental health crises etc.

It would be more like someone posting on here to say they were pregnant in a world where only a small fraction of the population were able to conceive.

No, it would be more like someone posting that they've beaten cancer, an illness which kills 3 times as many as covid has every single year and affects almost everyone. I don't know anyone who hasnt been affected by cancer but we don't lambast those who post to say they've beaten it just because we lost someone to the same disease.

A few weeks ago, I would have agreed with you, OP. My DP and I were WFH, and liked being together 24/7. We were quite content with the very limited opportunities to go out, spent a lot of time gardening and had started decluttering the spare room, went for walks, had a very laid back holiday in a cottage in Suffolk and so on. We managed to see family and friends between lockdowns, and really appreciated things that we seemed not to have had time to notice before.

But he died 5 weeks ago, very suddenly and unexpectedly (heart, not Covid), and I am in bits. It's really hard dealing with grief when you are alone most of the time and can only really talk to people on the phone, and the weather is so grim and bleak that you can't meet up with people out of doors. I'd love to be able to sit in a pub and get slowly pissed with a friend or two, or go and stay with friends who live further afield. I will be eternally grateful to my "support bubble", who have been brilliant, but it's not the same as just being able to pop and see a friend whenever you feel like it.

And I really feel for those who have lost jobs and businesses and have financial worries. That must be dreadful. The uncertainty and anxiety must be really hard to cope with.

I definitely had some positivity. Gave birth in April and although my Mat leave isn't how I imagined, it meant that my partner WFH from March-September (very helpful after an emergency c-section) so we got so much time together, he saw DS first 5 months and now he's back he sees him for around 1 hour before bedtime every night. He wouldn't only had 2 weeks paternity leave but instead it felt like he got 5 months. I was grateful for this time we got together.

Over 100,000 people have or will die from Covid 19 in this country, or die from suicide or from not seeking medical treatment as quickly as they would have done without the pandemic.

Even so, not unreasonable to find some positives, such as:

Recognition of the value of the NHS
Realisation who your real friends are
That wfh can be done, at least for most of the working week, for a significant number of people
The noise reduction from fewer flights
The companies that step up in a time of crisis (and the ones who use it as an excuse for poor service)
The joys of nature, of a daily walk or cycle

‘Family time’ is all well and good if you live with all of your family - DH, children - or for childcare reasons you’re able to be in a bubble with parents/ILs otherwise it has been a long year of very little family interaction and that’s hard.

This is what annoys me about the ‘we will have a Christmas in our lovely home, just the 4 of us’ spiel - for most people, their lives and families exist outside of their household and having a ‘quiet Christmas’ misses the whole point of it.

It's been shit. Nothing good about this at all. Pinning all my hopes on the vaccine at the moment.

It's been awful personally, for the UK and the rest of the world. I've worked throughout it and I haven't met one single person who has been kind or considerate. People have been selfish and completely absorbed whilst out clapping like sea lions on NHS Thursday.

The pandemic has taught me that people do not give a shit about anyone and we have still got the biggest recession in living memory to look forward to

nosswith

I've said this before and I don't want to labour this point.

But all the things you've pointed out: valuing the NHS/valuing true friends/lower pollution, more exercise etc, are unmitigated positives. I have no problem people pointing those out.

What I struggled with was the slightly unpleasant moral overlay which came with that during the first lockdown: there was a sanctimonious narrative about "how we're all learning to value what's really important in life -- time with family and away from the horrid ratrace".

There were several privileged and rather nasty assumptions underpinning that:

• That everyone who worked hard did so because they were a nasty grabby capitalist who was interested in making as much money as they could for them, as opposed to people struggling to keep a roof over their kids heads
• That everyone had the ability just to step back and enjoy the wonderful time with their families, crafting and having long walks. In fact, a lot of people either weren't able to be with their families at all or were forced to work out of the home in dangerous circumstances.
• That people who work don't really value their children (and by implication, don't really deserve them)
• That people who enjoyed going out and socialising didn't understand the true family way

I can live with having the positives pointed out. But a lot of the stuff which was pouring out on SM at the time of the first lockdown went way beyond that IMHO. I may be projecting but to me there was a slightly antifeminist tone in it. A lot of it was about emphasising the value of the home and the role of the mother in the home etc. And when you're a woman who isn't able to step out of the workforce it feels like a bit of a slap in the face.

I may be a bit chippy about this, but I'm not the only one who felt like this.

I love a good MN race to the bottom thread.
My dh and I have maintained or improved our physical health. Saved some money (which we’ve promptly lavished on family for Christmas).
Thanks to SM, stayed in touch with family.
At this point I only know of two people who got sick (SIL’s 80+ yr old mother in Spain, survived unaware she had it), friend who travelled to Egypt and came home ill back in March (untested).
Mentally life is quieter, I’ve taken up a crafting hobby.
Two family members are however having work challenges that need a positive outcome.

I've worked throughout it and I haven't met one single person who has been kind or considerate. People have been selfish and completely absorbed whilst out clapping like sea lions on NHS Thursday.
That's so shit that you've had that experience. I'm really sorry. All I can say is that it's not like that across the board; IME generally people have pulled together, asked after each other, helped practically and generally shown themselves to be basically decent.

@user1471538283

It's been awful personally, for the UK and the rest of the world. I've worked throughout it and I haven't met one single person who has been kind or considerate. People have been selfish and completely absorbed whilst out clapping like sea lions on NHS Thursday.

The pandemic has taught me that people do not give a shit about anyone and we have still got the biggest recession in living memory to look forward to

Inclined to agree with this. I've seen some awful behaviour, my dh had his car vandalised and was abused in the street because he was seen going to work.

@user1471538283

It's been awful personally, for the UK and the rest of the world. I've worked throughout it and I haven't met one single person who has been kind or considerate. People have been selfish and completely absorbed whilst out clapping like sea lions on NHS Thursday.

The pandemic has taught me that people do not give a shit about anyone and we have still got the biggest recession in living memory to look forward to

I have also worked through it in an indusrty that eventually was designated a key industry (not an obvious one like the NHS) and people have been so bad tempered and angry and demanding and have said that we are deliberately swinging the lead and using covid as an excuse when in fact we have been so unbelievably overwhelmed.

It has been an education to me just how nasty alot of people are. I am currently off on stress leave after working insane hours since march and dealing with a very mentally ill child at the same time. I am not sure I can go back to the job and career I loved. I cannot afford to give up neccessarily, but the thought of opening up my work e-mails makes me physically shake.