That in the pandemic hasn’t all been bad

[Shiraznowplease]

I am wondering if AIBU in feeling the pandemic has not all been bad. I am aware I may get flamed and yes it has been horrendously bad in people dying, difficulties nor seeing loved ones and problems for business. But I feel for me , and talking to friends, others too it has made me/us grateful for my family and friends. It has shown me what is truly important, stopped the endless round of business trips for dh and after school/weekend activities for the children and instead we have spent quality time together playing games, cooking and enjoying one and another’s company. My Dc have seen dh more this year more than the rest of their lives combined.

I am a health professional so have worked all through the pandemic but have been grateful to have PPE, even if initially I had to source and fund it myself although the stress has been incredible, I feel I have made a real difference to my patients.

I am lucky that dh could work from home in a relatively secure job.

I have missed my parents and meeting with friends dreadfully though am thankful for zoom, FaceTime and other things so we could keep in touch.

It has also brought out, in my experience, community spirit and helping each other out.

To the person who equates social interaction with optional dinner parties...actually I don’t even know what to say about that. You have no idea.

@MiddlesexGirl

it didnt need to take a pandemic and all the awfulness for people to get us to play board games and go for walks!

Not true. When you've got DC playing football, going swimming, meeting up with friends there's not a lot of time left for family activities.

Ah yes - I forgot that before covid the government made it a legal requirement for children to go to swimming and football classes, and there was literally no way you could have chosen to take a break and do family activities instead. Good job a pandemic destroyed half the country so you finally had that option, huh?

Personally I've had a pretty good year overall. It's been challenging, to be sure, but a lot of good and uplifting events have happened in my personal life. I don't go on about it, because it's a bit insensitive, I'm not about to ignore other's suffering just because I've had an all right time in comparison.

@likeamillpond

The best thing ti come out of the pandemic? *No Unexpected Visitors.*

I'm sure most people would like to see that rule stay.
Or am I unusually anti social?

at least people understanding that WFH actually means WORKING! would be a good one.

Booking in advance and ensuring you have enough parking and a guaranteed spot is not a bad one either.

You are right that the pandemic are been good for some.

It is after all what feeds a lot of conspiracy theories: "look this country has done well on the markets, they started it to make cash" etc.

However it has been very bad for the poor. There are plenty of articles about it so I won't dwell.

My grandad died on Saturday after catching COVID in hospital after an operation.

But hey it’s not been all bad OP!

@Orangeday

To the person who equates social interaction with optional dinner parties...actually I don’t even know what to say about that. You have no idea.

Dinner parties was just a short-hand. It could be any kind of interaction. The point is that an equivalence was in some cases claimed between introverts and their struggle to deal with social interaction and non-introverts and the fact that they weren't allowed to see their loved ones.

I can see that in cases where people have very severe social anxiety that socialising must be very difficult and lockdowns must have offered some degree of relief.

But let's be honest, how many of these people have severe social anxiety? A handful. If your social anxiety is sufficiently bad that you any kind of social interaction triggers severe trauma then I have sympathy but you should be tackling this through counselling etc. It's not a position you can reasonably expect society to accommodate. And rejoicing in a pandemic which forces people not to socialise strikes me as an extreme and unconstructive reaction.

But honestly a lot of these comments struck me as having come from people who were happy not to have to make an effort socially. And I thought it was tactless.

Lockdowns - A luxury afforded by the affluent

@thepeopleversuswork

wildraisins

I'm sorry, we'll just have to agree to disagree. I don't think that having to occasionally go out and talk to people is equivalent to losing your loved ones.

Ok well that's a dramatic turn. Who said anything about losing your loved ones?

In your post you mentioned not being able to SEE loved ones for a few months.

By your own admission you know very little about what anxiety and introversion feels like, so you are not in a position to comment on it. So don't.

wildraisins

Sorry, but don't tell me not to comment on this. I have been very clear that I don't have experience of social anxiety but I am allowed to have a position on this.

I said I don't think that feeling anxious about having to have social interaction is equivalent to "losing" people and by that I meant everything from not having access to family to actually losing people and I stand by that.

I am a lone parent and wasn't allowed to see anyone apart from my daughter for three months: including my father, my sister, my boyfriend and any of my friends. This didn't just mean that I missed them, it meant I was severely lacking in practical support which had a hugely damaging impact on mine and my daughter's mental health.

I just don't accept that that's equivalent to someone who has social anxiety occasionally having to go out and interact with people.

You might want to consider having this thread deleted. I just don't think you were thinking when you wrote it and it's a bit insensitive.

So to remind you:

Last week 1,945 people died last week of Coronavirus. That's everyone you went to secondary school with and half of the school down the road all dead.

300,000 people lost their job and they are predicting up to 10% unemployed by next year.

We have unparalleled spending which is going to lead to some unparalleled cutting and taxing.

You don't know what's round the corner. So the pandemic hasn't been all bad for you so far. Plenty more nasties to come for most , I fear.

Personally it's been awful. My daughter has numerous health issues, and yet we've had hundreds of appointments cancelled, are now on waiting lists of almost 6 months for other things (developmentally) which had everything have not shut down straight away we'd have been at the top of those lists now. It's all gone to shit. So well done on not having a shitty time the last year, I'm proud of ya.

I just don't accept that that's equivalent to someone who has social anxiety occasionally having to go out and interact with people.

To be fair, I think you have to draw a distinction between people who suffer from a crippling psychiatric disorder, and people who like to post #introvert on posts about wearing cosy socks and drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps this is one of the many occasions where social media memes aren't helpful.

@merrymouse

I just don't accept that that's equivalent to someone who has social anxiety occasionally having to go out and interact with people.

To be fair, I think you have to draw a distinction between people who suffer from a crippling psychiatric disorder, and people who like to post #introvert on posts about wearing cosy socks and drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps this is one of the many occasions where social media memes aren't helpful.

But this is exactly my point!

Clearly if you have a crippling psychiatric disorder that's extremely difficult and sympathy is due. Even a less crippling but significant disorder.

But I'm fairly sure a significant amount of these people don't have a crippling psychiatric disorder. They are people just being a wee bit smug about the fact that suddenly the boot is on the other foot and they can revel in not having to be arsed any more. #introverts, hot chocolate and cosy socks and not having to see people. Yay! etc.

It’s not over yet. There are more job losses, house repossessions, poverty etc and deaths to come. I say this as someone who hasn’t been hit hard .... yet, but yes, it’s been bad for a lot of people!!!

If you need a pandemic to teach you what's important you have big problems.

YANBU.

The first lockdown when all schools and childcare closed was for us, hell, trying to work from home with a 4 and 1 year old and only allowed out once a day for a walk. I shudder looking back at that time. But at the time I didn't realise it was hell and was actually grateful for some of it - mainly the extra time spent with the DC (even though a lot of it was hard going) and as a family.

Since restrictions have been eased enough to at least allow schools, nurseries and childcare "bubbles", I've enjoyed the simpler life too and love the working from home aspect. I've missed the carefree nature that we used to see friends and family, and I miss simple things like going for coffee/food without worrying. But it's definitely not all been bad, I would be very sad to have to go back into the office full time now.

For us personally (the 5 that live in our house) there has been very little change. We are so incredibly lucky living here in Australia as the number of cases are so low.

Both my girls had their face to face university lectures cancelled for the first half of the year but that was the only disruption to their lives.

The worst part has been calling my parents in the UK every week and hearing how it's been another week without seeing anyone, without having any visitors and how awful shopping has become. They're both in their 80s so I'm keeping everything crossed that nothing happens as I won't be able to travel back to the UK to be with them.

The OPs view is valid. If someone posts on here that they are finally pregnant after years of conceiving we don't tell them to shut up and think of all the women who can't conceive or have died in childbirth.

@thepeopleversuswork

EvilPea

Can I pick up on this? I don't want to have a pop at you because I understand that social interaction is difficult for introverts.

But I saw a lot of this militant introvert rhetoric during lockdown and some of this I thought was misleading and at times a bit poisonous.

"As an introvert with social anxiety I have loved the lack of social pressure. It’s like a weight lifted, and I am not looking forward to things going back."

There's a false equivalence between "not having to do social pressure" and "not being allowed to see your loved ones".

I'm not an introvert so granted I may not be able to put myself in your shoes totally. But I saw this sort of thing trotted out all the time during lockdown and I don't really buy it. I really struggle to believe that the awkwardness of having to do drinks etc when you don't want to (which seems to be the introvert bugbear) is equivalent in terms of trauma to not being able to see your parents, your partner etc for months on end. Which was the impact lockdown had on people who are more socially gregarious. It's just not the same thing.

I don't want to minimise some of the challenges of introverts but there was something about this whole line of argument which to me felt like the revenge of the unpopular kids against the popular ones. Sort of understandable. But not terribly healthy and not something to shout from the rooftops.

Your fear of dinner parties/drinks/any kind of social interaction is something I sympathise with to a degree. But its something you occasionally have to crack on with. Being told you are not going to be allowed to see loved ones for three months is in no way comparable to having to do a bit of forced chatting at parties.

Your not me though are you? I find friendship too hard to handle, work leaves me utterly exhausted picking up social ques trying not to say the wrong thing. And then beating myself up for years about something I’ve said “wrong” that then leads me onto suicide thoughts. School runs, smiling at people, getting ignored, wondering what I’ve done wrong. The parents evening stress, assembly’s and the stress of those, easter fayre, summer fayre. These are not interactions you can opt out of if your a parent. A minor road altercation where I’ve got beeped (or someone else has) at leaving me having more suicidal thoughts. I’m not talkingabout dinner parties or work dp’s. Frankly that’s the least of it!!

Frankly staying in and not dealing with that is. Better for me.

However I’m not a complete empathetic less cretin, I know for 99% of the population it’s been hell.

You have enjoyed not having an endless round of after school and weekend activities for your children? That has been one of the main reasons this has been so difficult for my family: my kids had invested a lot of time and effort into their chosen sports and to have it all taken away was very hard for them. One had successfully auditioned for a very competitive programme and was absolutely devastated to have it cancelled. Same for other DD who also had a major breakthrough in her chosen field, only to have it all cancelled.

This may seem insignificant in the greater scheme of things but to them it was very difficult.

Add to this a whole year of not training, improving, competing.

Oh and we are in a catastrophic financial situation. And I hate the way so many people are terrified and suspicious, I feel all possible enjoyment in life has been suspended. Even going out for a walk is joyless.

@SpringSunshineandTulips

It’s not over yet. There are more job losses, house repossessions, poverty etc and deaths to come. I say this as someone who hasn’t been hit hard .... yet, but yes, it’s been bad for a lot of people!!!

100% agree, the effects of this won't be clear for some time yet but it will have had devastating consequences in both a micro- and macroeconomic perspective.

Think it in your head. Don’t say it to a bunch of strangers on the internet or elsewhere, or anyone else you don’t know their circumstances.

It’s really insensitive when people have lost so much.

People also don’t all have family to cherish and appreciate.

You don’t have to share everything.

No positives for us a family and none I can see for anyone really or for society as a whole. All negative to me.

There is a difference between finding a positive in a bad situation and being smug. The OP doesnt sound smug.

Someone elses positive doesnt negate your negative. The only people who think like that are people who feel entitled to make the world suffer around them because noone should be happy if they are not.

I am one of those that lost my job due to the pandemic and for a variety of reasons it's likely to continue so that's my 20 plus career gone. My DP got made redundant and the fastest job he could get means being away every week from Monday to Friday in the middle of high risk areas and buildings and we are in debt up the Wazoo to keep a roof over our heads. I have a list of shit things that have happened to us ,loss of people close to us ,damage to my ds1 mental health. None of that makes me begrudge anyone else finding a positive.

Bloody hell life is dark certainly ,if someone finds a ray of hope people honestly think stamping on it and quashing it because they can't cope with hearing it is ok?

I've fought with everything I have to keep us safe and our mental health has been hammered. You know what , good I'm glad someone found some positives. Actually me too, I lost my job and income ,fine but it meant I got ds2 snuggling in bed with me this morning before school when in the past I would have had to be rushing around to get to work. The fact that I had to count how much ham was left to make sure the DC had lunches until Friday doesn't change that lovely feeling. It was a ray of happiness. I am lucky I have ds x 2 , doesn't mean it isn't hard , that I don't lie awake like I'd did last night because ds got a hole in his school shoes and I can't afford to replace them . I don't begrudge his friends mum who can replace them at a whim. She will have her own battles to fight that i can't see.

You can't winge insensitive because you can't cope with hearing other peoples happiness. That's twisted. I could give a beautiful list of how hard done by I am , I am not going to try to suck other peoples happiness from them to make them join me in misery.

Find positives op be happy , bloody hell if its brought some good then bloody hooray. Being miserable for the sake of it won't change a pandemic or reverse it. It might bring some tiny light out the end of it and we need all of that we can get.