TRIGGER police told my attacker my address

[whatthefliphelp]

Trigger warning

Sorry bit rambly but I had a date this weekend. About fourth or fifth id seen him. He raped me.

I freaked out. It's brought back previous trauma. When I left he rang the police to check on me. They came and then left as I was ok when I got home and felt safer.

But it turns out they told him my address. He rang me today and says he knows where I live. I've just had the police confirm that yes they told him. They were just stupid and said yes the police are at xxx address. So now he knows where I live.

I'm veering from angry to scared. I don't know what to do. I told the police woman who rang me and now she said you need to report this. I'm not in a great place. I can't handle this.

What the hell do I do?

Contact every service you need for help and support, but anything re reporting needs doing only if you want to, with full on support, and at your own pace.
It is fine to not go ahead via the police if you don't want or feel able to.

Where does your information come from Annoumo5se? Not part of crime recording guidance?

You can report the rape but refuse to engage with any investigation. They will still safeguard you with things like panic alarms, markers for immediate attendance, patrols to drive by in down time etc. They will also put you in contact with independent support and your local SARC Centre to address your medical needs just now. Please don't feel pressured to take part in an investigation but at least complain about the call handler so that they can engage with you to safeguard you.

This is about you, and doing what is right for you. Don't feel pressured into anything you don't want to do, but let them safeguard you now

^ yep. Weave yourself a safety net x

A crime report should be created on disclosure regardless of how scarce the details are however that doesn’t mean it will be progressed or a ‘complainant-less’ prosecution sought without an account.

Hi Op
Is there a good friend/family member who could baby sit for you for as a favour for e.g (they babysit your children for you to have some space for yourself !?

( perhaps you could babysit their child/ten as a favour back or something?

Like a previous poster said could you stay over at your parents house for a while with your children??
Are they supportive your family??
Have you got good support network of good friends who you could turn to even if its only one or two of them?

Obviously first things,first (you need to tell the police you have had a threatening tel call from Arse hole date from Hell
And you them to have someone from the Police sort out All your personal safety equipment Pronto A.s.a .p
(they should give you a personal protection Alarm to carry around/etc..

(Also get into with Rape crisis support charity.
Get into touch/report to the Police inspector about this terrible Data protection Leak of your address

(Report the rape to the Police and tell what really happened and lies this Shit has said to them.

(I know this is very distressing/traumatic situation
and this has been compounded by the Police sheer incompetence/stupidity etc,

Cause this Arsehole is a very devious/manipulative/etc and to Cover his tracks he Totally Lied made out to Police that you had split up were hysterical reacting badly to this..

(Even though there is overwhelmong temptation because you have been raped, is to want to scrub away any thing that relates to the sexual Assault and the Rapist,

Report this Rape to the Authorities (The Police do this Now/A.s.a.p !!!

Please try not to do this, keep all "evidence " relating to this Crime, such as your items of clothing, underwear/ for DNA evidence

Obviously female Police officers,Should,Can do urgent Virginal swab tests for DNA evidence in privacey room so feel safer.

I am really sorry this happened to you,
Get as much support from good friend/family member to help support you through this difficult time,
Do this A.s.a.p
Take care xxx

The helpline is closed but could you consider phoning a dedicated service in the morning to talk you through your options confidentially?

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/

Op oops Sorry
I ment to say makes sure all evidence relating to the crime inflicted on you ,
you need to ensure you do not wash items of clothing/underwear for DNA evidence
Please Report this Crime of Rape Now/A.s.a.p

Take care

you poor thing.
The one thing I would say is when you said this"He rang the police as I was in a really bad way. It brought back childhood stuff. I haven't dealt with it at all and I just completely freaked." I doubt he rang the police because you were in a bad way, I think he did it because he is a manipluative little shit. But also, of course you freaked out you had been raped. Even without additional childhood trauma freaking out is a perfectly justifiable reaction to being assaulted... I don't weant to nitpick, I just would hate for you to think you were overreacting to this in any way, especially because that might well be what he was trying to imply.

@thosetalesofunexpected

Hi Op Is there a good friend/family member who could baby sit for you for as a favour for e.g (they babysit your children for you to have some space for yourself !?

( perhaps you could babysit their child/ten as a favour back or something?

Like a previous poster said could you stay over at your parents house for a while with your children??
Are they supportive your family??
Have you got good support network of good friends who you could turn to even if its only one or two of them?

Obviously first things,first (you need to tell the police you have had a threatening tel call from Arse hole date from Hell
And you them to have someone from the Police sort out All your personal safety equipment Pronto A.s.a .p
(they should give you a personal protection Alarm to carry around/etc..

(Also get into with Rape crisis support charity.
Get into touch/report to the Police inspector about this terrible Data protection Leak of your address

(Report the rape to the Police and tell what really happened and lies this Shit has said to them.

(I know this is very distressing/traumatic situation
and this has been compounded by the Police sheer incompetence/stupidity etc,

Cause this Arsehole is a very devious/manipulative/etc and to Cover his tracks he Totally Lied made out to Police that you had split up were hysterical reacting badly to this..

(Even though there is overwhelmong temptation because you have been raped, is to want to scrub away any thing that relates to the sexual Assault and the Rapist,

Report this Rape to the Authorities (The Police do this Now/A.s.a.p !!!

Please try not to do this, keep all "evidence " relating to this Crime, such as your items of clothing, underwear/ for DNA evidence

Obviously female Police officers,Should,Can do urgent Virginal swab tests for DNA evidence in privacey room so feel safer.

I am really sorry this happened to you,
Get as much support from good friend/family member to help support you through this difficult time,
Do this A.s.a.p
Take care xxx

Just to correct some misinformation here.

Police officers do not take forensic intimate samples. They are taken by Doctors in a ‘sarc’ or Haven (if you are in London). Which is a forensic facility. Police only take an early evidence kit, which is urine sample, mouth swab, mouth wash, tissue.

@Sforsh49

You can report the rape but refuse to engage with any investigation. They will still safeguard you with things like panic alarms, markers for immediate attendance, patrols to drive by in down time etc. They will also put you in contact with independent support and your local SARC Centre to address your medical needs just now. Please don't feel pressured to take part in an investigation but at least complain about the call handler so that they can engage with you to safeguard you.

This is about you, and doing what is right for you. Don't feel pressured into anything you don't want to do, but let them safeguard you now

Yes to this. I'm guessing that if you don't report the rape it might be more difficult to get safeguarding in place and given how manipulative and sly this vile rapist is, he knows that and you need to be protected.

You don't have to do anything else about moving forward with the rape report, you don't have to traumatise yourself again, that is all up to you and for you alone. No one has the right to tell you what to do or to judge you for not trying to get charges pressed.

Equally as important right now is that you need emotional help. Do you have friends or family who you can trust enough to come over and be with you? If you do, please do that. Definitely get in touch with Rape Crisis and any other organisation who will understand you and give you all the practical help you need.

Despite all I've said, please don't feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel worse. I know that officially reporting the rape might be difficult but it should also give you some protection from the piece of shit who did this to you. I really hope that you will feel able to put in an official complaint about the police handling of this. It's mindboggling that the police would give your address out to someone. Ffs, they should have assumed that if he was that close to you he knew your address and didn't need it at the very least. Their error is simply unacceptable.

Lastly, I am so sorry that this has happened to you and I understand how all over the place you are.

@Annoymou5e

A crime report should be created on disclosure regardless of how scarce the details are however that doesn’t mean it will be progressed or a ‘complainant-less’ prosecution sought without an account.

Good. Glad we agree. It has to be recorded based on victim confirmation . Doesn’t have to be investigated though based on victim desire. Calling me out as incorrect is not right. Do you work in crime recording?

They didn't tell him your address, he told them your address.

@NoddyWithAVoddy

They didn't tell him your address, he told them your address.

You need to read the OP's comments again. She has clearly stated what happened

You can report the rape but refuse to engage with any investigation. They will still safeguard you with things like panic alarms, markers for immediate attendance, patrols to drive by in down time etc. They will also put you in contact with independent support and your local SARC Centre

In my area at least you don't need to go through the police to get to the SARC, you can self refer.

I wouldn’t call it ‘crime recording’ per say.

OP. As a previous poster has suggested. As you are potentially still forensically ‘live’ you can self refer to a sarc/haven and have swabs taken, plus speak to an Isva and crisis worker, they can store your samples and should you decide later to report fully your samples can be used for a future investigation.

You poor thing OP, going through this. This is awful. xx

You do not have to report anything you don't want to report. Not ASAP, not today,not ever if you don't want to.

However,please contact rape crisis or another charity for women like women's aid because you need help and support to get through this. If necessary you will need a health check (STI's/pregnancy test too). What you need to do is look after yourself,whatever form that might take. Talk to your GP if you have a good relationship and trust built,especially if the flashbacks/childhood abuse become too overwhelming.

If you wish to do so,you definitely have grounds for a complaint in regards to your address. If that's what you want to focus on, that's your business and nothing wrong with it. Make sure it's a formal complaint,not an "I'll deal with it myself" reply on the phone.

I wish you good luck and I'm so sorry for everything you've been through.

@whatthefliphelp you poor poor thing. I'm absolutely that the police gave him your address! Please put in a complaint about this as they've seriously compromised your safety! Is there a friend or relative that you trust who you can call for some support and stay with until you've decided what to do? I'd also suggest you see a doctor ASAP for medical treatment either A&E or maybe call rape crisis where you can get treatment, support and advice. Do not respond to any calls or texts from this man block him!

There's this thing called "Special Schemes" the police can put on your address. They did this for me when my abusive ex sexually assaulted me. It means your address is flagged up and any further call you make to the police means they'll attend as a priority. They can also arrange for you to have your door locks and window locks etc checked out and replaced if they're not considered secure.

OP. You sound utterly overwhelmed right now and I'm not sure this thread is going to help.
Can I suggest you text Shout on 85258 They are trained crisis counsellors.

When I left he rang the police to check on me
But it turns out they told him my address

He knew her address. You don't ring the police and ask 'can you do a check on Sally Smith? No, i don't know where she lives, somewhere in Anytown i think'
Otherwise the police would be knocking on every Sally Smiths door.

@callistography

@Annoymou5e

I wouldn’t call it ‘crime recording’ per say.

OP. As a previous poster has suggested. As you are potentially still forensically ‘live’ you can self refer to a sarc/haven and have swabs taken, plus speak to an Isva and crisis worker, they can store your samples and should you decide later to report fully your samples can be used for a future investigation.

I'm not sure everyone will know what terms like "sarc", "isva" etc mean? The only reason I know is because I reported a rape to police.

@NoddyWithAVoddy

When I left he rang the police to check on me But it turns out they told him my address

He knew her address. You don't ring the police and ask 'can you do a check on Sally Smith? No, i don't know where she lives, somewhere in Anytown i think'
Otherwise the police would be knocking on every Sally Smiths door.

@callistography

Very true!

@NoddyWithAVoddy

They had dated . He gave the police her telephone number . Read the posts .