Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TRIGGER police told my attacker my address

157 replies

whatthefliphelp · 07/12/2020 20:02

Trigger warning

Sorry bit rambly but I had a date this weekend. About fourth or fifth id seen him. He raped me.

I freaked out. It's brought back previous trauma. When I left he rang the police to check on me. They came and then left as I was ok when I got home and felt safer.

But it turns out they told him my address. He rang me today and says he knows where I live. I've just had the police confirm that yes they told him. They were just stupid and said yes the police are at xxx address. So now he knows where I live.

I'm veering from angry to scared. I don't know what to do. I told the police woman who rang me and now she said you need to report this. I'm not in a great place. I can't handle this.

What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
whatthefliphelp · 07/12/2020 20:28

Sorry. I'm not being clear. I only mentioned rape when I spoke to them today when I found out he has my address.

He said he knew where I lived and I didn't know where else he could have found out. They listened to the phone calls and said yes they told him. It was only when she asked are you concerned about him knowing your address it all came out.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatthefliphelp · 07/12/2020 20:30

Sorry. I can't leave here. My kids are here. I've just got them to sleep. They know somethings wrong already

OP posts:
SheSaidHummingbird · 07/12/2020 20:32

You seem to be more concerned about the police's mishandling of the call than about the fact that a man raped you.... Report the rape!

mummymayhem18 · 07/12/2020 20:34

Same as what @SheSaidHummingbird said. Which is what I was thinking.

HollowTalk · 07/12/2020 20:36

It sounds like you've had a really traumatic time.

Is there someone who can put locks and bolts on your doors so that you feel more safe?

I agree with the police officer - you should report the rape. It's disgusting what he's done.

Europilgrim · 07/12/2020 20:36

Sorry but how did the police know where you were?

Unsure33 · 07/12/2020 20:36

So how did the police know your address to come and check in you ?

And when they did why did you say you were in a state ?

Finfintytint · 07/12/2020 20:36

@SheSaidHummingbird

You seem to be more concerned about the police's mishandling of the call than about the fact that a man raped you.... Report the rape!
She has reported the rape. The police are ignoring the report. The call mishandling has missed the rape disclosure.
MayYouLiveInInterestingTimes · 07/12/2020 20:37

I’m concerned about these intimidating phone calls from this man, especially with kids in the house. Make sure everything is locked inside and I really would get on to the police right now, not be on here. Tell them you are scared and for your kids safety as well, directly due to their mistake. You’ll have to tell them it was rape.

MisfitRightIn · 07/12/2020 20:38

Please report the rape to the police, and show them the txt msg he sent you, regarding your address. The txt msg is a threat against you, after having already raped and assaulted you. Maybe follow up with the female police officer, as she has shown herself to be on your side and supporting you.

And please get some help too. There have been some useful suggestions on this thread (I’m not in the UK so I don’t have any idea, sorry).

I hope someone, somewhere, is helping you get through your day. Take care of yourself pls.

Gregariousfox · 07/12/2020 20:39

You seem to be more concerned about the police's mishandling of the call than about the fact that a man raped you.... Report the rape!

Well obviously because someone who has already shown himself to be violent and threatening now has her address. That would terrify me too.
You can't tell someone to report a rape, it's a traumatic process.

OP there is the possibility of reporting without wanting to take it any further in case he does it to someone else, in which case you could be a corroborating witness. However, it's got to be entirely your choice and your first priority is to look after yourself and get support.

Tomorrowistomorrow · 07/12/2020 20:40

report the rape -now
Complain about the address leaking -now.

Quaagars · 07/12/2020 20:41

So sorry that happened to you, please take the advice of all those on here who have already posted Flowers

Sorry but how did the police know where you were?

That's what I was wondering though too - if you'd already left, and he didn't know your address at that point, how did the police know where to find you and where you'd be/lived to check up on you?

SweetPetrichor · 07/12/2020 20:41

How did the police know where to find you? You say he called them to do a welfare check on you when you left. Surely he had to know the address to tell them where to find you? You’re post doesn’t make sense if he didn’t know your address already...or am I missing something.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/12/2020 20:44

I've just had the police confirm that yes they told him. They were just stupid and said yes the police are at xxx address. So now he knows where I live

This is really confusing.

So he raped you, at a place other than your home, then following that, called the police as "a concerned dumped boyfriend". In the meantime, the police are at your home. Why? You said you didn't report the rape so why were they at your home?

Then, the police read out your address to him? "I can confirm we have officers at 11 Maple Drive at the moment"? Even though he hadn't said the address to them?

june2007 · 07/12/2020 20:45

How did the police know where to go?

Original poster
whatthefliphelp · 07/12/2020 20:45

The police rang me. They only had my number. I spoke to a nice sergeant. He could hear I was crying but I said I was ok now I was home. He said they had to send someone just to see me physically. So I gave him my address. They came round to see me. We spoke for a few minutes and they left.

He rang the police to check up on me. And they said to him - yes the police are attending at xxx.

OP posts:
BadPastBrightFuture · 07/12/2020 20:46

Oh OP you poor woman, I'm so sorry.

I'm in shock that the police would make such a fuck up, I can only guess they assumed he already knew your address?

Please, please seek help for yourself.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/12/2020 20:46

OK, stop and take a breath.

You do not have to report the rape and you do not have to make a complaint. I hope you will, but you don't have to.

The first thing you need to do is make sure you're safe.

is there someone you trust who can come and sit with you? If so, ring them now.

Then go and check all your windows and doors are locked, just to be on the safe side. I very much doubt he will come to your house, I believe he's just saying that to intimidate you, but check that everything's as safe as possible.

Then make yourself a brew. Phone rape crisis. If you can't get through, phone the Samaritans. You need some urgent support tonight. The rest can wait.

Finfintytint · 07/12/2020 20:46

Quaagars... Electoral role, previous calls from the phone number,etc. Dead easy to find a person.

Ilovesugar · 07/12/2020 20:46

OP is going to be all over the place. Can everyone stop picking her story apart and either not comment or comment something constructive.

Geez it’s like you don’t believe her and proof.

Original poster
whatthefliphelp · 07/12/2020 20:46

Yes. They really read out my address to him unprompted.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/12/2020 20:48

@Ilovesugar

OP is going to be all over the place. Can everyone stop picking her story apart and either not comment or comment something constructive.

Geez it’s like you don’t believe her and proof.

It's not picking it apart - it's trying to understand the events of the evening. That's all.
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/12/2020 20:48

Police call handlers make mistakes like this all the time, I once reported a drunk person on a path as a welfare concern and the police called me back, gave me his name and told me to come and pick him up! Err, no ta! Let's just stay on topic and constructive please.

dublingirl66 · 07/12/2020 20:48

I'm sending you lots of good wishes

Can not believe this

Who do you have to help ??

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread