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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 07/12/2020 09:53

Wow. I wouldn't send anything further for any occasion.

Spied · 07/12/2020 09:53

If your OH wants to

timeforawine · 07/12/2020 09:53

I would ask for it back, get a refund and from now on sod them both. He is a rude little brat and should be bloody grateful you still think of him and buy for him. His mum is no friend if she thinks it's ok for him to send notes like that. My 4 year old is more polite!

Notverygrownup · 07/12/2020 09:54

Oh my goodness! How often do you see them/how close are you to them?

I too would be really shocked by this. I would use it to review the relationship. If you value their friendship, focus on spending time together, and getting to know each other better. In the meantime, I would be inclined to buy a selection box at Christmas and send a chocolate bar for birthdays - it's a safe token presents, says you are thinking of him, but avoids wasting time and money on gifts which are not appreciated. Stick a fiver on, if you really want to.

KleinBlue · 07/12/2020 09:54

I could see it as just a literal understanding from a child still learning social conventions, if it was just the note, but his mother’s response has no such excuse.

I suppose how you proceed depends in Pat on how much you value the real with your godson. I have two godsons who are autistic whose responses to presents can be very ‘rude’.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 09:54

I am going to send the receipt to her and she can exchange or refund it’s up to her.
I am also going to send a card for Christmas but no present. ( DH now agrees) I cant cut him out of my life as I blame his mum really but I do think he needs to learn that’s not the way to behalf.

OP posts:
Pheasantplucker2 · 07/12/2020 09:55

I'd send a response to say "sorry he didn't like it, if you leave it in a bag on the porch I'll pick it up."

Then just take it back and leave the gift giving from now on.

Over the years my kids have been bought all sorts of well-meaning but totally inappropriate presents (yours wasn't even inappropriate). We always try to do thank you cards, but at the very least we call or text to say thank you for the gift. I've only asked to swap something once when it was 2 years too small.

If any of them (including my ASD daughter, who can be VERY direct) was that rude I would have been furious, and there would have been consequences.

Not ok

readingismycardio · 07/12/2020 09:55

a 10 year old should know what's rude or not. I'd exchange the bloody jacket and never buy again.

Whyistheteacold · 07/12/2020 09:56

Bookmarking because I want to see what his mum says 😂

BrandyandDeath · 07/12/2020 09:56

I mean I get why you're a bit miffed, OP, but it is NOT good for an adult to get rattled / put out by something a child says or does. They are still learning...

You also have a lifelong duty to a godchild to help them learn how to live a Christian life. I might write back a jokey little letter explaining that if he's not got the sense to write a nice thank you note, he'll get porridge oats next birthday (or whatever he most detests). But keep it light. I'd also say if he leaves the tags on next time, you can exchange it for him.

Spied · 07/12/2020 09:56

Or you could buy a plain sweatshirt for Xmas and scrawl 'Nike' on it in permanent markerGrin

Sorry

KleinBlue · 07/12/2020 09:57

@Highfivemum

I am going to send the receipt to her and she can exchange or refund it’s up to her. I am also going to send a card for Christmas but no present. ( DH now agrees) I cant cut him out of my life as I blame his mum really but I do think he needs to learn that’s not the way to behalf.
I think I’d be tempted to just put the receipt in an envelope with a note that says. ‘Dear X, here is the receipt. Yours, X’
WeGoHigh · 07/12/2020 09:57

I’d text back and tell the mum you’ll be happy to return it. Return it, then wait for the inevitable ‘what happened to DS’s money’ text. Clearly he’s got his attitude from his mum!

Serendipity79 · 07/12/2020 09:58

I'd be washing my hands of them. Seriously - what parent thinks its ok to send a thank you like that? My kids have always been told to be kind - they've had some presents over the years that they have really not liked very much (from lots of elderly relatives who like to knit.....) , but the people who gave them the presents would never know that.

If someone has gone to the trouble of getting you a gift, then the least you can do is be gracious in a thank you. Its a shame that the mother in this case seems to have not only neglected to teach her son some basic manners, but doesn't have any herself because I'd have been mortified by that note coming from one of my kids

readingismycardio · 07/12/2020 09:58

@Highfivemum

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!
Oh well. I know someone who isn't getting any gifts from now on Grin
lazylump72 · 07/12/2020 09:59

Incredable rudeness shown to you OP. I am gobsmacked.Its not so much the note although bad enough you could forgive that down to being a young child who should but does not know any better. but the mothers response is unforgiveable.How dare she? Dear me ......fuming for you!!

borntohula · 07/12/2020 10:00

In my mind, he prob thought you forgot his age. His mum has no excuse though, wtaf? If my 9yo received a gift and didn't like it, it would be a genuine thanks to the sender and it would be exchanged or given to charity without anyone having to know! Definitely don't bother sending a Christmas present.

NotDesmondsBoat · 07/12/2020 10:00

:) kids eh

JillofTrades · 07/12/2020 10:01

Why didn't you tell his mother exactly what he Said??
Rude little shit. Unbelievable.
He needs to be pulled up on this harshly.
I wouldn't ever send a gift again. And tell his parents why!!

Woolwichgirl · 07/12/2020 10:01

Wow..Mum knew and let him send it??
Am speechlessShock

FelicityPike · 07/12/2020 10:01

@Whyistheteacold

Bookmarking because I want to see what his mum says 😂
She replied a few pages back.
ScrapThatThen · 07/12/2020 10:03

He is a child. This is a learning opportunity surely? And you are a godparent so the perfect person to have a very reasonable conversation with him, with mum's permission I suppose (do you mind if I have a quiet word with him about his drama) - thank you for the thank you note - I see you had a complaint about the gift I chose for you? Well gosh I was really taken aback that you said that in my card. It wasn't very diplomatic, was it? I feel a bit offended actually. I am not sure I want to buy you a Christmas present now, having been sent that rude card! I care about you very much but you can't go about in the world thinking that your wants are more important than other people's feelings. Being polite costs nothing and I want you to remember that! Good manners will win you more friends!

Rafflesway · 07/12/2020 10:04

Sorry but that would be it for me!

Your connection to these people is the fact that your DH and her now exH are best friends.

IMO, in most cases - as with my DD - Godparents are pretty much figure heads nowadays unless the families are very religious. I wouldn't expect a non related Godparent to keep in touch years after the connection was pretty much broken. They obviously have VERY different life values to you!

This card was appallingly rude and the mother's response was even worse, They couldn't care less about your feelings, OP! Please don't send anything more.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 07/12/2020 10:05

Tell her you'll pick it up and exchange it for a more suitable gift.

Then get your money back and sponsor a goat in his name. A far more suitable gift for a family completely lacking in manners and grace.

Sparklybanana · 07/12/2020 10:05

Goat from Africa idea for sure!

  1. Somebody benefits
  2. He knows he’s getting a gift but he can’t benefit from it so that’ll irritate the rude git and apparently the rude mother.
  3. It’ll be hilarious for you.
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