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Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
Mepop · 08/12/2020 18:00

When you agree to be a Godmother it is not supposed to be a relationship that you abandon because your feelings have been hurt by not being thanked for a gift in the way you would like. It is supposed to be more than that. It is supposed to be about being in that child’s life and helping them. The child is only just 10. He clearly did not know better otherwise he would have written a more thoughtful note. I get that you are annoyed at the mother’s response but you are punishing the boy for her response. By just never buying him presents again he will not learn anything. He might not even notice. Better to actually talk to him or write back to him and explain his note upset you and that you were trying your best. He’s 10. He didn’t want a jacket. And it was too big so he probably felt that you didn’t actually know his correct age. He needs you to explain why you bought a bigger size. My mother always used to buy things way too big for my son (she died almost 2 years ago and he only just fits into a pair of trousers she bought him - he’s 12). I had to explain to him why this happened and that we still say thank you and be polite. If you think your Godson doesn’t have that person in his life be his Godmother and be that person.

Miranda15110 · 08/12/2020 18:02

Stop buying the entitled little shit gifts. Easy Smile

eeyore228 · 08/12/2020 18:04

Cut him some slack!!!! Omg there is absolutely no way either of my kids this age would EVER write or speak to someone like this when they have done something nice. They know that sometimes people buy them stuff they aren’t too excited about but they know it comes from a kind place. Say what you like to me but no way treat someone like this. Cut him some slack!!!!!! I’m actually shaking my head at that attitude, this is how we have adults with poor manners and little respect.

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 08/12/2020 18:10

@Highfivemum

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “ That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again. His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it. His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know. I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?
I’m astounded by his message and the mothers reply. You can see what cloth he’s cut from! Both RUDE! The fact that this boy has used lots of exclamation marks tells me he knew exactly what he was saying and the tone in which he wished it to be received. The consequences are therefore his to take, if he’s even that bothered. Beyond that, his own mother saw it and knew how you would view that and sent it anyway.

I definitely wouldn’t send a gift again. I would just maintain contact and send a card. If any of my boys did this, I wouldn’t even allow the card to be sent, never mind telling the recipient he didn’t like it because it’s not branded! 🤦🏻‍♀️ some people, honestly!

DreamTheMoors · 08/12/2020 18:11

@Highfivemum

Text from mum to say she apologizes that his card upset me. Maybe I should ask her what he wants to avoid it happening again !!! But I am not to worry as it was a genuine mistake !!! She finished by saying she will send me some things on his Christmas list!! Yes I think some of you are right. I have Mug stamped on my head !!!
I would be SO TEMPTED to text back and say, “Don’t bother. There will be no gifts going forward.”

The mother’s as bad as the child. Or vice versa. Absolutely appalling that she knew about the note and mailed it anyway. Shameful.

They are NOT friends of yours, @Highfivemum.

teagirl27 · 08/12/2020 18:13

I never comment on here but have got my password reset and logged on to say even my autistic 10 year old (who incidentally wears at least an age 11, if not 12-13) thinks that his "thank you" was rude

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 08/12/2020 18:13

I wouldn't expect that kind of rudeness from a 5 year old! Cut him some slack??? No, I'd call him out on it- probably to Mum in the first instance.

greyinganddecaying · 08/12/2020 18:13

I'm not sure what's worse OP - an ungrateful note or no thank you at all.
I seldom get a thank you for the presents I send my godchild & their siblings either (their parents don't buy for mine), I often ask for ideas for their presents from their parents but never get any help, so feel that I may be buying stuff they hate (hence the lack of thanks).
I'll be stopping once they reach 18.

Lazymum78 · 08/12/2020 18:16

The mother’s response is shocking !

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/12/2020 18:17

What I find sad about this whole episode is that you used to take him out regularly with your DC and treat him. You worked hard at building a relationship with him. I can see why this must have hurt so much. It makes his mother's attitude really surprising, it comes across as not being grateful for your input. I'd probably stop doing her favours. She is more at fault here than the boy.

Writing notes that say you love a present when you don't isn't honest, but you can say thank you for kindly sending me a present and thinking of me. They don't have to say its wonderful if they hate it or they may well end up getting more of the same! I also agree with another pp who said maybe he thought you didn't know how old he was.

However, I think that you did want to give him a birthday present and I feel a present, once given is there to do what they want with even if it means exchanging it for something else. So I do think that taking the coat back is a bit petty and not showing him a good example of good behaviour. I'd probably post the receipt and leave it at that but I wouldn't get a Christmas present and I'd leave his mum to draw her own conclusions.

She is the one at fault here. It sounds like he still needs a godparent to show him a better way to behave, so I'd leave the door slightly open. It may be that he himself actually does like you and has appreciated the time you've spent with him, even given this mishap.

Scotland32 · 08/12/2020 18:17

10 is old enough to know right from wrong (that very topic was my Uni dissertation many years ago so I know!). How rude. I would reply with a card saying you won’t be buying a Christmas gift for ungrateful children. Most kids would be delighted if you upsized them to make them seem older than they are.

tallduckandhandsome · 08/12/2020 18:17

@teagirl27

I never comment on here but have got my password reset and logged on to say even my autistic 10 year old (who incidentally wears at least an age 11, if not 12-13) thinks that his "thank you" was rude
A worthy first post. Grin Welcome.
Bakingcupcake · 08/12/2020 18:19

Omg can't believe this he sounds an awful child and down right rude...a 10 year certainly knows right from wrong...his mum is taking the piss too....dont bither with them from now on..you've got your own family to worry about and i dont think she needs to be sending you a xmas list,he sounds spoilt!!

Insanelysilver · 08/12/2020 18:21

Lordy imagine what a handful he’s going to be when he’s a teenager !

angrysquirrel73 · 08/12/2020 18:22

We have a 7 yo and a 10 yo and they would both know this was rude.

If its going to wind you up I would tell his mother and get it out in the open.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 08/12/2020 18:23

Why are you sending the receipt? The ungrateful little shit and his cunt of a mother deserve a high five with a fist full of shit, not your money!! Don't be a pushover and get the coat back!

FelicisNox · 08/12/2020 18:23

Wow. His card was beyond rude and I agree that his mother is as much to blame as him.

I'm surprised you're his godmother if you are not close, I understand the back story but usually a godparent is someone both parents are close to?

I would actually speak to his mum, explain how upset you are (rather than texting) and maybe tell her you are handing back your godparent status due to the lack of ongoing relationship, the fact you no longer have the ex connection and that you feel that the expectations on both sides are very different.

It sounds dramatic but actually, being a god parent is usually an ongoing and demanding role and that commitment isn't here on either side so I think you will just be in for more of the same going forward.

Billben · 08/12/2020 18:26

I wouldn’t bother buying anything anymore OP.

I can’t believe the cheek of them both.

Insanelysilver · 08/12/2020 18:26

I’d be tempted to tell his mum that they’ll both have to wait and see if he gets a Christmas present now as they still be on the naughty list.
Then I’d not send one lol

LILLYPRINT · 08/12/2020 18:27

How rude and ungrateful. I certainly would'nt get him another gift. At the age of 10, he should know he is being rude and hurtful.

Imnotahugger · 08/12/2020 18:30

That sounds to me like he was forced into writing the thank you cards by his parents and the message you got was his way of giving his parents the middle finger. I bet his mum doesn't have a clue.

Mepop · 08/12/2020 18:30

@Scotland32

10 is old enough to know right from wrong (that very topic was my Uni dissertation many years ago so I know!). How rude. I would reply with a card saying you won’t be buying a Christmas gift for ungrateful children. Most kids would be delighted if you upsized them to make them seem older than they are.
But it is only wrong behaviour considering our cultural norms on polite behaviour. People have to be taught to say thanks and please etc it is not a matter of right and wrong. The same goes for writing thank you notes. He wrote a note. He said thanks. He said it did not fit. He said his age was 10 not 11. All the truth. He just has not been taught (based on his mother’s response) that politeness dictates that we say thanks for the gift and not mention that we do not like it or that it does not fit or that we think you do not know our age because the garment is for an older child.
Birdcloud · 08/12/2020 18:35

This is rude behaviour but I wouldn’t punish him as that would be sinking to a his 10 yr behaviour. He is old enough for you to talk to him directly and point out why it was rude and how he should have manage his disappointment. And I’d leave his mother out of it. If you humiliate him you’ll make your relationship with him hard to repair. it would be mean spirited of you not to buy a Christmas present if that’s what you normally do. YABU in my book.

aSofaNearYou · 08/12/2020 18:42

@Birdcloud Why would OP even want to maintain a relationship with him? She's not close to his parents (and shouldn't be given that his mother, an adult, sanctioned him sending the note), and doesn't have much interaction with him besides his ungrateful and now openly rude response to her gifts. I think you are massively understating how rude what he sent actually was.

Jennylou88 · 08/12/2020 18:43

Oh I'd definitely still get him an Xmas gift! He's only just turned 10 and you're an adult!! It would be really mean not to.
Talk to him about it and tell him why it upset you and try to listen to why he's upset. Teach him by setting an example, don't try and go down to his level.