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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:

Airyfairymarybeary · 07/12/2020 20:01

He said thank you and was honest?! Only in England would this be rude to state a gift doesn’t fit.

buckeejit · 07/12/2020 20:03

@Airyfairymarybeary I'm in NI & it's still bloody rude here

jambeforeclottedcream · 07/12/2020 20:04

Surely by 11 you have learnt to write a thank you note along the lines of...

Dear xxxx.
I hope that you are well.
Thank you for the jacket, I can't wait to wear it and I love the colour.
I had a wonderful birthday. I had a really yummy birthday cake.
Hope to see you soon
Love from
Xxxx

Yanbu op, that was rude and I'd be having a word with their mum. You might not be close but your still his godmother

Theonlyoneiknow · 07/12/2020 20:04

He might have been totally unaware how rude that was (unless he is generally a rude child). For some children their age is a big deal though. I would just ask the mum to have a quiet word. My son has ASD and it's the kind of thing he would probably comment on in all fairness.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2020 20:05

Only on MN do people not bother to read a thread properly and then make pithy summaries that are wrong.

22DMcN · 07/12/2020 20:09

Agree with Dramacoats. Mum needs to be made aware of child’s note to you. She may be mortified and give him advice of how to be more appreciative in future.
I wouldn’t go down the ‘... not doing Christmas gift ... ‘ this particular year (what with Corona Virus situation and people’s emotions being on edge. You could end up breaking the friendship with godson’s mum.
He may have written the note in jest and be surprised if he thought you’d be upset by it.

mbosnz · 07/12/2020 20:13

Um, apparently his Mum is aware of his note, and is forgiving of OP's laxity in giving such a poor present, and is going to give her a list of more acceptable items in the future?

And the connection between them is fairly tenuous anyway.

What a mirthful little note young fella me son did write!

Yeah, nah.

slipperywhensparticus · 07/12/2020 20:15

Wow umm yanbu I started this thinking mum was unaware sounds like she is complicit "not nike" indeed send him a card and "hope it fits"

I would be embarrassed if my son said something like this i have actually just stopped my 11 year old sending something tactless in the post (really really tactless) because I don't want people upset

CakeRequired · 07/12/2020 20:16

Can't believe there were parents on here admitting their kids are rude as well and just saying that as other people are the adults they should just accept it.

Maybe these shit parents should accept they have raised entitled brats and do something about it rather than being lazy. At 10, he knows right from wrong. Hell in Scotland, he would be tried as an adult for a crime. No excuses from mummy about how he's a kid would save his ass.

thegcatsmother · 07/12/2020 20:18

FraughtwithGin I have 2 godchildren. I would never in a million years buy them clothes. Yes, his response was rude, but your present was dreadful

Bloody hell. One my absolute delights, pre ds, was to take my god daughter out for the day, when I would buy her some clothes for Christmas and birthday (which are 4 days apart). We'd hit the nearest large town in time for a drink and a cake; progress through Woolies, Debenhams, House of Fraser, M&S. BHS and Adams, until we found what she liked, and then buy it. We also went to MacDonalds or Burger King for lunch. We were both exhausted when I delivered her home.

As her taste now runs to the Louboutins she buys on the Champs Elysee, I no longer take her clothes shopping!!

mbosnz · 07/12/2020 20:18

Isn't it fairly simple 'actions equals consequences'?

Child doesn't like gift. Child is rude in acknowledgement of gift. Child no longer gets gifts. . .

Bikingbear · 07/12/2020 20:20

@FraughtwithGin

I have 2 godchildren. I would never in a million years buy them clothes. Yes, his response was rude, but your present was dreadful. Why buy something for your godchild that is "throwaway" anyway after 6 months to a year? Surely the presents you give are intended to be cherished?

Seriously a jacket is a really thoughtful gift. Surely most children's things are outgrown within a few years, clothes and toys. What on earth can you buy kids that doesn't become throwaway?

Regardless of what anyone thinks of the gift, the response is plain rude. The rudeness and lack of true friendship between the Op and the mother, means if it was me I'd cut them out, Godparent or not.

Strangedayindeed · 07/12/2020 20:25

Cut him and his mum out.

Airyfairymarybeary · 07/12/2020 20:36

Next is extremely uncool for a 10yo boy, or for anyone under the age of 50.
Don’t buy clothes for kids over the age of 7 unless it’s something they have requested.

Bikingbear · 07/12/2020 20:37

@CakeRequired

Can't believe there were parents on here admitting their kids are rude as well and just saying that as other people are the adults they should just accept it.

I'd admit my DS could probably be rude. The difference is I wouldn't have send the letter instead made him re-write it.

It's not the childs rudeness that's got me it the rudeness and attitude of the mother.

I'm well used to getting clothes for my kids that don't fit, short kids and people tend to size up. I quietly return and sort it without the giver knowing.

mbosnz · 07/12/2020 20:41

Oh, the poor wee tot, being given 'uncool' clothing. That's beside the point. I was around four when I got the message loud and clear that you might not like a gift, but you never say anything other than 'why thank you, how lovely!'

I feel rather sorry for kids whose parents are so behind that they get to the grand old age of ten, still not having got this message. I imagine gifts are going to get few and far between for them. And one day, maybe, they'd actually be very grateful to receive that 'uncool' jacket, in these uncertain times. Oh well. OP, maybe donate something like this for someone who needs it, and will appreciate it, and send this child and his mother the email notification that you have done so?

Plussizejumpsuit · 07/12/2020 20:48

Jesus! No wonder her son is a rude little twat if she is like this. Really cheeky behaviour from her. She clearly has her manners/ etiquette compass well off if she thinks it's remotely acceptable for her son to send that card. What a little shit!

Honesty op just leave them to it. Stop sending gifts and cards all together. I can't belive you're making all that effort still.

Trumplosttheelection · 07/12/2020 20:49

Clearly he learnt his rudeness from his mother. That's saved you some money then. I suggest a tract for every birthday till he's 16 then nothing. If you frequent a happy clappy church like me they are liable to give you one for free.

HotPenguin · 07/12/2020 20:49

I have a son who writes thank you cards just like this, he is autistic and genuinely doesn't understand that it would be upsetting for the sender. I do check his messages for that reason and get him to rewrite if needed. I understand in this case it seems the mum is also a CF but just wanted to point out that some kids genuinely don't get these social rules.

Nottherealslimshady · 07/12/2020 20:51

I cant believe you're sending the receipt! I'd have told her to return it. They've been so rude to you.

mbosnz · 07/12/2020 20:52

And you monitor and intervene HotPenguin. Godson's mother seems to think this is perfectly reasonable. But if he wants to go for Nike at just the right size, then I'm sure he'll not notice the lack of a jacket next year. . .

PandaBearCub · 07/12/2020 20:55

Ask for the coat back and say you’ll exchange it... but don’t. Never give the coat back or buy him another present. His mum sounds rude so I’m not surprised her son is. I’m surprised you buy your godson presents when his mum has never bought your DC anything.

Teddy1970 · 07/12/2020 21:00

Please don't send them the receipt, by doing that you've admitted to them that you've bought the 'wrong' gift, they'll only get a refund and put it towards the Nike stuff, he doesn't deserve anything the little shit.

batteriesgoing · 07/12/2020 21:00

Bloody hell. The level of cheek is astounding. They wouldn't be getting the smell of an oil rag off me in future

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 07/12/2020 21:02

Rude little shit. He never says thank you but knows enough to send a rude card like this? Kids know at age 10 that that's rude, I remember faking smiles for presents that I didn't like at that age.

No more gifts and if he asks why, then explain.

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