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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/12/2020 13:41

@Thereluctantstepmother

My DSD used to do things like this and she was later diagnosed with PDA. Is there any chance he could have autism or PDA?
The bigger issue is that the mother knew what he written and allowed him to send it on, even made out it was the OPs fault for not buying him what he wanted
Myshinynewname · 07/12/2020 13:46

They were both very rude and I think you're doing absolutely the right thing. Card only from now on. I probably would have asked them to send the coat back and exchanged it for something for the baby.
Never feel bad or think you are a mug for trying to do the right thing and be kind. The problem is very definitely their behaviour not yours. You sound like a lovely person.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 13:47

Thank you all for talking me through this. It did floor me this morning as I have always made such an effort with him. Will send just a card and our good wishes to them. After 10 years I do feel gutted but the way I have been made to feel today has taught me a lesson.
Thank you all

OP posts:
Audreyseyebrows · 07/12/2020 13:48

I wouldn’t be sending a Christmas gift. And I probably wouldn’t give them a receipt for the jacket.

You can see where he gets his rudeness from!

GrumpySausage · 07/12/2020 13:51

@Highfivemum

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!
Shockingly rude by both parties. I'd be mortified if my DS had sent that, and even if he didn't like the jacket, I wouldn't tell the buyer that!

I'd struggle to buy a present for him after that but if i did it'd be a token box of celebrations at best!

Honestly cannot believe some people can be so ungrateful

SlippersForFlippers · 07/12/2020 13:52

I bet they will ask you where the Christmas gift is when he doesn't get one.

Evans800 · 07/12/2020 13:57

@vanillandhoney

Send the receipt back in the Christmas card. Then just stop. I wouldn't even bother with a card in the future, tbh.
This is exactly what I would do.

Mum sounds horrible and I really wouldn't be interested at all in continuing a relationship with this family.

chipolte · 07/12/2020 13:58

OP, most PP have missed the fact that, in addition to this coat nonsense, you took your godson out once a month. You have 6 DC including a baby and this boy’s mother has never given them anything, not even a joint box of chocolates.

The godson’s mother has taken liberties due to your feeling of obligation to her son. Their rudeness over the coat has now released you from that obligation. I wouldn’t bother with sending a token gift, or a card. Just cut them off. Life is too short to fill it with people who just take take take.

2bazookas · 07/12/2020 14:00

Text his mother and ask her to pass on message to godson :
"Giving you a present was clearly a mistake. It won't happen again"

padsi1975 · 07/12/2020 14:00

Sorry this happened to you op. The child and Mother were both astonishingly rude and entitled. A card and no more going forward sounds about right.

ThePlantsitter · 07/12/2020 14:01

I'm sorry this has upset you but that is a hilariously rude thank you card! And to think the mum saw it!

One day I am going to write a dissertation about the cultural differences of gift giving. Not across international cultures just here in the UK. People are so weird about it!

momtoboys · 07/12/2020 14:03

We have held very large parties for my sons when they graduated from high school (US). They didn't get one penny of the money they were given or one gift until all of their thank you notes were written. I'm a real hard ass when it comes to that.

momtoboys · 07/12/2020 14:05

@Highfivemum

Shocked ...Just got a text from his DM. She knew he sent the note and what it said. She said he was being over dramatic as the jacket is slightly large but fine but he doesn’t like it as it isn’t Nike !!
Wow. That would be the last gift that kid ever received from me. Mom missed a real teaching moment with this one. I cannot believe she let him send the card.
19lottie82 · 07/12/2020 14:06

A bit off topic, but I can’t imagine many 10 year old boys being overly chuffed with clothes as a birthday present!

momtoboys · 07/12/2020 14:07

@Pheasantplucker2

I'd send a response to say "sorry he didn't like it, if you leave it in a bag on the porch I'll pick it up."

Then just take it back and leave the gift giving from now on.

Over the years my kids have been bought all sorts of well-meaning but totally inappropriate presents (yours wasn't even inappropriate). We always try to do thank you cards, but at the very least we call or text to say thank you for the gift. I've only asked to swap something once when it was 2 years too small.

If any of them (including my ASD daughter, who can be VERY direct) was that rude I would have been furious, and there would have been consequences.

Not ok

This. Pick it up. Return it. Do not replace it.
HollowTalk · 07/12/2020 14:11

You really would be a mug to give her the receipt.

Just say you can't find the receipt and that you'll pick up the jacket so you can take it to the shop to see if you can get a refund using your bank card.

Then never have anything to do with the grabby pair again.

Bikingbear · 07/12/2020 14:12

Op I honestly think I'd let it slide.

He as been so rude and she has enabled it.
I think I'd ask them to return the jacket to you and then donate it or get the money back for it.

If you are going to send a card please ensure that it's a suitably religious one.

momtoboys · 07/12/2020 14:12

@Highfivemum

My DH and her EXDH are no longer in touch. He isn’t local anymore. I have been the ones who have kept the relationship with my Godson going. I have 6 DC and one is a baby but I still spent time choosing a present and put a lot of thought into it. I usually take home out once a month with my DC ( pre covid) and treat him. It now strikes me that if I didnt instigate this then I would not probably see him. I do not give a present to receive praise but neither do I expect to be criticized for it. Feeling a tad silly now. As if I have been a mug.
Don't feel silly. You have done nothing wrong. I would not waste any more time on either one of them (son, mom) but you are probably less likely to hold a grudge than I. Grin
Cygne · 07/12/2020 14:13

It might be worth suggesting to your friend that, for his own sake, your godson needs to learn to empathise, be considerate, and show good manners.

Whatwouldyourmamado · 07/12/2020 14:23

To be honest I would say you change your mind and will come by to pick up the coat and return and look for something else and then not bother

Send a card and explain you couldnt find anything suitable.

I feel for you op cause I could see what you were trying to do but for some reason people dont hold god parents and children in the regard that they should. Makes me sad as a god mother myself and choosing god parents for my own children and realising that some of them dont actually see it as a privilege

MimiDaisy11 · 07/12/2020 14:23

When I first started reading the thread I thought the boy was annoyed and overly sensitive at you for not apparently knowing his age. I can see children being like that. Even though it's pretty logical to buy bigger sizes for them since they're always growing. Not that that behaviour would be an excuse for being so rude.

However, it's just rudeness throughout that family. I can't believe the mother said you'd made a mistake and forgave you for it. How ridiculous! I remembered getting gifts I didn't like as a child but it would have been so rude to respond like that kid.

MiaowMix · 07/12/2020 14:24

Staggeringly rude,so is his mother.

Am assuming there is no drip fed ASD or similar as enough people have asked and you surely would have stated that in op as it's pretty pertinent to the story?

Those saying cut the kid some slack, really? At ten years old (and NT)? A four year old would know better.

You don't sound like friends at all tbh so I'd quit this whole 'friendship' and tell her why.

jessstan1 · 07/12/2020 14:25

@Bikingbear

Op I honestly think I'd let it slide.

He as been so rude and she has enabled it.
I think I'd ask them to return the jacket to you and then donate it or get the money back for it.

If you are going to send a card please ensure that it's a suitably religious one.

Good points.

The op could just do nothing and leave it up to them to take it back to the shop without the receipt which they can do easily enough.

Just send an innocuous Christmas card to the family and then put the whole sorry business behind you.

Luciferthecat666 · 07/12/2020 14:28

@Highfivemum I've read through the full thread and I'm utterly ShockShock at this! Those excusing this behaviour as he's only 10 at what age are children expected to know better? This kind of thinking is why so many children grow up to be entitled spoiled brats! As a previous poster pointed out if he understands the rude sarcasm he wrote then he's more than able to understand how rude and unacceptable that supposed "thank you" card is. If I sent someone a card like that my mother would be extremely embarrassed at my lack of manners she instilled in me and would hit the roof at me! We never sent thank you cards for gifts but my mother would always tell us to ring so and so and say thank you for their gift. The mother's response is just as cheeky and shocking the apple clearly doesn't fall far from the tree Hmm

OP don't you dare send that receipt tell her you will collect the coat and exchange it for something Nike then get a refund and keep that money! I'd bet my last tenner that you'd get a text asking if you have exchanged it yet. Definitely do not buy him anymore presents in the future since he's so ungrateful and after the mother's responses I wouldn't even bother wasting my time sending them a Christmas card after this cheeky fucker entitled behaviour.

WhoWants2Know · 07/12/2020 14:29

I'm waiting to see this thread in the daily mail tomorrow.

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