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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 12:30

Yes sorry for the bad grammar. Beholden is correct.

OP posts:
TheShepherdsCrown · 07/12/2020 12:31

@ddl1

That is rude! Normally I cut a lot of slack for children who don't send thank-you letters or otherwise transgress adult rules of etiquette. But this was not only bad manners, it was aggressively so. I would speak to the mother in the first instance.
Sadly the OP did, the mother’s response showed the apple really hasn’t fallen far from the tree.
hitchhikingghost · 07/12/2020 12:33

There is no way I would send them the receipt. I would collect the jacket, return it and keep the money. Send them a card for Christmas. Beyond rude!

Saz12 · 07/12/2020 12:33

A 10-year-old speaking / writing to you like that because he didn’t like the gift is just awful. His Mum failing to step in...!!!

In your shoes, I’d send a list of gifts for your 6 children along with the receipt for the jacket. Then I’d move on: sympathy for child getting it wrong but not for the mother!

RosePetalss · 07/12/2020 12:33

Sorry you have been treated like that @Highfivemum that’s very rude of them obviously can see where the son gets it from Shock

I would send the receipt and not reply to any messages about presents that she sends through. Send a card for Christmas (if you want to) but that’s it. Spend the money on your own children I’m sure they will appreciate it more. Flowers

Brainwave89 · 07/12/2020 12:35

Just seen that the mum was aware of what he had written. I would cut my losses at this point and have no further contact with child or parent. I would write to sate clearly why you were doing this. Life is to short to waste further time on such people.

OffredOfjune · 07/12/2020 12:36

I think I would honestly reply and tell her to get fucked. Can't believe people can be so bloody rude.

ivfbeenbusy · 07/12/2020 12:36

Why weren't you more honest in your reply?

Really don't get pussy footing around the issue as she'll just think this kind of behaviour is ok?
You should have said you were insulted by the rudeness of the note and child or not as his mother she should not have allowed him to send that and on reflection you will no longer be buying for him????

timeforanewstart · 07/12/2020 12:36

Very rude and beside the point but i have never found next clothes small , normally on the generous size.
Once pre teen its hard to buy clothes as they do have their likes and dislikes
Personally if one if mine I may of said thank you very much but do you have receipt as it doesn't fit so I can exchange , then exchanged it for something they liked.
I always send gift receipt with clothes just incase
But the letter was rude and mum even worse , so would def just stick to a card going forward or card and selection box

Twigaletta · 07/12/2020 12:38

In Next 11 means 10-11 so you were absolutely right to get him 11 and he's not only rude but ignorant.

ddl1 · 07/12/2020 12:39

I have now read your subsequent posts. I am absolutely shocked by the Mum knowing about and condoning the note and thinking it was for them to patronizingly excuse you ('it was a genuine mistake' - WTF!) I agree with sending him a card but not a present for Christmas; but agree that you should not ask for the jacket back.

timeforanewstart · 07/12/2020 12:40

Also is your dh still friendly with boys dad as I think I would be showing him this

Shinyletsbebadguys · 07/12/2020 12:41

Good lord that is an entitled family. I would be running away as fast as I could. Child or not his dm is teaching him horrendous behaviour.

I would absolutely not be buying any of them anything again. I would also send them a message saying why.

Before I read your updates , I was going to say the same as others that perhaps the dm didn't know on the grounds my dm rang to thank me for their card from DC and especially the little train sticker over the word grandma that my 5 year old had sneaked in and I hadn't checked it Grin so was briefly sympathetic to the mother. No longer

I would question why you want a relationship with a family like this.

OffredOfjune · 07/12/2020 12:41

@LizziesTwin

I’ve got a rude son - daughters aren’t rude but he is. He has often said that he doesn’t like a present so won’t write a thank you letter as that would be lying, I’ve said well you need to as that’s polite & then they won’t give you a present & he says he doesn’t care.

As the adult you should show good manners and ignore this rudeness, he’s the child not you.

NiceHmm
Daisy12Maisie · 07/12/2020 12:42

Its rude but I have an 11 yr old and he woudnt want someone choosing his clothes. I would stick to something more generic. I know your godson is 10 but same.

Oneearringlost · 07/12/2020 12:43

What is your relationship like with your Gideon when you take him out with your children once a month? Is he usually OK?
And what is your relationship like usually, with his mother, who I'm assuming you didn't know before she got together with your husband's now extinct friend?
You sound so kind OP.
To keep the door open to him for future communication is kind, mature and charitable but no one would expect you to do this. I admire you. I'm not sure I could do that myself.Flowers

grapewine · 07/12/2020 12:44

Well. Like mother, like son. Not hard to see where he gets the rudeness from. Absolutely don't send more presents or do other things. They obviously don't appreciate it. No more being taken for a mug, OP. I'm sorry, I would have been upset as well.

Oneearringlost · 07/12/2020 12:44

"Gideon"?
Godson, I meant, but apposite autocorrect under the circumstances!

JoeWicksSurvivor · 07/12/2020 12:45

Send the receipt to them followed by the Christmas card and nothing else and then don’t bother with any more contact.
They sound incredibly rude.

HappySonHappyMum · 07/12/2020 12:46

Posted myself about something very similar here a few years ago. Used to take great care in choosing gifts for my Godson, every time he would thrust the present at his parent and say he didn't like it, already had it, didn't want it. He still gets a gift but its generic and takes no thought from my end now at all. Won't waste my time choosing for someone who doesn't appreciate the effort I put in. A polite thank you costs nothin. In your case I'd be sending a card and a fiver - job done!

JingsMahBucket · 07/12/2020 12:47

@Highfivemum not necessarily relevant but I’m wondering if the boy’s father is still active in his life or not? I’m just wondering if both parents need to take “credit” for this or what.

MiaMarshmallows · 07/12/2020 12:49

Wow.

I would be speaking to his mum before I did anything else.

MeridianB · 07/12/2020 12:51

For what it's worth, I bought, wrapped and posted gifts to my Godson and his sister for years but never once had a thank you from them or their parents. Even just to know the packages had arrived would have been nice!

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 07/12/2020 12:52

All this 'my kids wouldn't want a coat' nonsense. Cool. So what you do if you're a normal person is, you give it to a refugee organisation and write a note to the giver saying how much you liked their generous gift. You don't suggest your child's rudeness is somehow refreshingly honest in these woke times, or proffer a list of alternative gifts. Fuck me.

Duggeehugs82 · 07/12/2020 12:52

@MiaMarshmallows

Wow.

I would be speaking to his mum before I did anything else.

She has , explains in thread