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Original poster

Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

795 replies

Highfivemum · 07/12/2020 08:46

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

OP posts:
ProudAuntie76 · 07/12/2020 12:06

@Bourbonbiccy

I am not being Holden to expensive gifts that are. Or appreicated.

I don't think you are being Holden to it though, she doesn't buy your kids and you say it's you who wants to keep the contact, so I think it's best left now if you were never friends anyway.

Unless of course he isn't that rude when you see him once a month and you all enjoy the experience ?

Sorry, not trying to turn into a grammar nazi but is it “ being Holden”?

I always thought it was “beholden”? But may be wrong Blush.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 07/12/2020 12:08

Projecting? Probably. I guess I just see this situation as more complicated than just - he’s rude, his mum’s rude, they are terrible people, OP should drop them. Gift giving and receiving is hard. Is it more important to pretend to like something so as not to hurt the givers feelings or to tell the truth because lying is bad? Do you have to wear clothing gifts you really dislike to prove you value the giver? Is it more important to spend time thinking of a gift you think the receiver would really like on your own and prove how much you know them and care about them or is it better to ask for guidance and be sure you’ve chosen something they will genuinely appreciate? Presents are a social minefield. From OPs point of view this giving/receiving relationship isn’t going well. She’s giving gifts that aren’t causing the reaction she wants, and she’s not receiving gifts that she feels she should be. Giving smaller gifts or no gifts might fix the problem. Or not. We can talk about what the godson and his mum should do but that’s not going to help the OP who only has control over her own actions and expectations.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/12/2020 12:08

I was willing to give the 10 year old the benefit of the doubt but I'm judging the mum for letting him send a message like that. Rude woman.

reader12 · 07/12/2020 12:09

Good gifts www.goodgifts.org/how-it-works

And thanks for the reminder, I’m going to get my mum something from this this year too.

UsernameChat · 07/12/2020 12:10

That is unbelievable rude and totally unacceptable. I would call his mum and say in a non-confrontational way that you received your Godson's card, but were a bit surprised by the message; was she aware of what he wrote?

Do you regularly see or speak to your godson on the phone? If so, I would give him a call and say you're glad he got the present; you bought it big so he could grow into it. Then say something like, you were really pleased to receive his thank you card, but next time it would be better if he just wrote thank you for the coat, as it's bad manners to be rude about a present someone gives you, whether you like it or don't like it, or it's the wrong size or whatever.

If you were planning to buy him a Christmas present, I wouldn't let this stop you; but he does need to be told about manners.

For what it's worth, if I'm buying clothes for other people's children, I always buy at least one size bigger. Better that they're too big than too small; at least they can grow into them.

Duggeehugs82 · 07/12/2020 12:10

I am shocked at people excusing the behaviour, it was so rude. And im shocked at the mums response but then i guess the she is where he gets his rudeness from! He doesnt deserve any other presents

ScribblingPixie · 07/12/2020 12:10

I wonder if she sees you as a remnant of her past relationship, OP, and would rather drop the meetings & contact? It sounds like you've decided on a sensible way forward.

CustardySergeant · 07/12/2020 12:11

I think you should collect the jacket from them rather than sending the receipt. Then you can get the refund, keep the money and have nothing more to do with them. There is no excuse for such appalling rudeness.

BlueSkies2020 · 07/12/2020 12:11

Certainly rude, but he’s 10 and needs to learn a life lesson. Take this opportunity to teach him one. You will have a big positive impact on his life and attitude/ gratitude. The greatest gift you could ever give to him!

BlueSkies2020 · 07/12/2020 12:12

(I didn’t rtft though)

Bonsai49 · 07/12/2020 12:12

I’d be tempted to put a £10 note in a card in future OP and no more.

I think it’s understandable for a 10 year old to have a Nike obsession - my 10 year old certainly has ( that or his football team) . No way though would my 10 year old be so ungrateful and doesn’t own a Nike coat ! . The mother is worse than the child though as he didn’t even mention the brand .

NameChange84 · 07/12/2020 12:12

Sorry, not trying to turn into a grammar nazi but is it “ being Holden”?

I always thought it was “beholden”? But may be wrong blush.

You aren’t wrong. It’s correct to say “beholden”. I assume OP made a typo and then Bourbon didn’t realise it was a mistake.

also not a grammar nazi

OP I’d respond “Please don’t send a list. After the card and the further texts from you, although I’d love to continue to see GS, I will no longer be providing gifts as have no wish to be insulted rudely as I have been.”

LadyEloise · 07/12/2020 12:13

@Highfivemum *
What a rude boy and equally rude mother.
Ask for it back - they'll think you are exchanging it. Return it and get the receipt.
You have six children including a wee baby and the mother has never got even the new baby anything Shock
You never get a thank you card.
Now she'll give you his list of options for a Christmas gift.
Grow a pair and once the returned jacket is in your hands just reply that his Christmas list won't be necessary as you don't give gifts to cntyfuckers rude children.

However a book on manners would be most apt.
You don't need them in your life.

Lovemusic33 · 07/12/2020 12:13

This child deserves a charity goat for Christmas.

I’m guessing his mother nagged him to write a thank you card, he eventually agreed too and wrote it out quickly, shoved it in a envelope and his mum posted it/delivered it without reading it? Even so it was rude and he doesn’t deserve a Christmas present.....unless it’s a goat.

KarenMarlow3 · 07/12/2020 12:14

It would definitely signal the end of the relationship for me. Not saying thank you is quite bad enough, but to send an insolent note with the mother's collusion is the height of rudeness.
I can't believe there are some people excusing this behaviour on the basis that the child is ten. Ten is old enough to realise what constitutes bad manners. It's just a pity that he is being brought up by an entitled, ill mannered parent.

baubled · 07/12/2020 12:14

This is shocking!! I hope you've told her there won't be any Christmas present or anything else going forward.

If I was you I would pick the jacket up, say you'll swap it and just get your money back and keep it. No wonder he's rude with a mother like that

MeridianB · 07/12/2020 12:14

The mother is a piece of work. The follow-up about his Christmas list is as shocking as her knowing about the awful card.

Your plan to drop off the receipt, stop buying for him but keep the door open in the future for him to get in touch, is a really good one.

Don't feel like a mug, OP. You did the right thing at the time.

wildraisins · 07/12/2020 12:14

Don't just not buy him a Christmas Gift.

There's a lesson for him to learn here - you need to actually confront your Godson and tell him that you were hurt by his message. If he's sorry then all OK. If not then you can tell him that it makes you not want to buy him any more gifts in the future, and see how he reacts.

Just not buying a gift is passive-aggressive and not a good way to communicate with a child.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/12/2020 12:14

I always thought it was “beholden”?

It is - I suspect that this is the Christmas Magid of the Autocarrot working its seasonal wonder.

jessstan1 · 07/12/2020 12:19

@Highfivemum

I am going to send the receipt to her and she can exchange or refund it’s up to her. I am also going to send a card for Christmas but no present. ( DH now agrees) I cant cut him out of my life as I blame his mum really but I do think he needs to learn that’s not the way to behalf.
That's a good idea, I was going to suggest you send the receipt. If he is clever he'll wait until after Christmas to either get the money or exchange because the sales are on then. He could have exchanged it without the receipt but if it had been reduced, he wouldn't have got the value of what you paid for it.

He and his mother are rude. We all get presents we will never use or wear and don't say things like that, just take them to the shop and see what we can get. A 'Thank you' costs nothing.

Just send cards from now on and limit contact. You can do without 'friends' like that, God son or no God son.

Piwlyfbicsly · 07/12/2020 12:23

Extremely rude and disrespectful. I'd be very hurt. I would let the mum know though, she must know about this behaviour and that you were hurt by that.

ddl1 · 07/12/2020 12:25

That is rude! Normally I cut a lot of slack for children who don't send thank-you letters or otherwise transgress adult rules of etiquette. But this was not only bad manners, it was aggressively so. I would speak to the mother in the first instance.

IrmaFayLear · 07/12/2020 12:27

I agree that it would be petty and cause a row (where the mother then gets to think she is in the right) to ask for the jacket back.

Just write this present off, but then it's a card only. It will be pretty clear to him (and his mother) that his attitude led to having no more gifts.

Brainwave89 · 07/12/2020 12:27

I have to say that is bloody rude, I know he is ten, but even so. I would be speaking to the parents in the first instance. If my kids had done this I would be mortified and I cannot think they had any idea what he actually wrote. I suspect they probably nagged this surly child to write a note saying thanks- and this is what he came up with. Charming.

Pechanga · 07/12/2020 12:28

I agree with PP this was not just rude but aggressively rude.

Absolutely no more presents for this little ungrateful shit!