Not to buy gift for rude godson! Who wld u blame

[Highfivemum]

It was my Godson birthday two weeks ago. I bought him a lovely jacket from Next. It was the type I see him wear. I bought him age 11 as even though he isn’t a big child for his age Next in my mind is small fitting and rather bigger than smaller. I ordered online and then wrapped and messaged his mum to say his gift was their porch. I didn’t hear anything. Then this morning I received a card from him. It said “ thank you for the present that didn’t Fit ! I am 10 not 11 OK!!!!!! “
That was it. I was shocked to be honest. Must have read the card over and over again.
His mum has not said anything to me. I could have exchanged it.
His mum must have sent the card though surely. ?? whether she knew wot was written I don’t know.
I have said to my DH I am not buying a Christmas gift. DH said he is a child and not to get wound up. WWYD?

10:26 @Newbie8365

I would collect the jacket saying you are going to exchange it but I'd actually get a refund and either not sending him anything in replacement or buy a goat in his name for charity or something. His mum is extremely rude and needs to learn to be grateful for gifts!

100% this ^^

Get the coat back and donate the money to a homeless/refugee charity. There are people in the world without a coat to their name and he is moaning (at 10!) that it is the wrong size and brand?!

I would be mortified if my child said something like this out loud, but to write it down shows he has thought about it and still done it! And for the mum to have checked it and to double-down on the rudeness and act like she is gracious to forgive you your mistake? Uh-uh! One less thing to buy for Christmas.

I am genuinely shocked by how entitled some people are! This woman is plain rude. (and sadly her son is learning from her). I would step back from this friendship - if your DH wants to keep seeing the husband that’s fine but leave you out of it. I also would send a text saying the GS’s list won’t be needed thanks, and just stop sending gifts. The ingratitude is very sad!

Please please please don't get him a Christmas present! Just a card so he knows you haven't forgotten

One of my nephews is a spoiled git. I gave him £50 once, not for a birthday or anything. Just felt like it. He moaned it wasn't enough. He's had a box of whatever chocolates happen to be on offer for presents ever since.

That’s so fucking rude. He would know that at 10. Definitely tell his parents. I would be mortified if it was my child who was so rude but I’d want to know so I could deal with them appropriately. Hopefully the kid will look back on this one day and die of shame.

I think you should hold off on posting the receipt just to see how long it takes this CF to chase you up about it because I bet she will!

Oh dear, OP, they sound like CFs.

In view of the updates i'd probably ignore the present list and get a goat or a mango tree. And then I'd leave it at that and stay in very very loose contact. But there wouldn't be days out etc.

To be honest I think way too many adults get caught up in expecting children to prostrate themselves with gratitude at any gift received.

MN never ceases to amaze me. Nobody is wanting prostration or whatever, but it is incredibly rude not to thank someone for a present. Text or call is ok for me, but i know that grandmas often treasure cards and so on and i can't believe people don't strongly encourage their DC to write them. Or at least acknowledge receipt of a gift.

There's a thread at the mo where a young woman (I think) doesn't appear to say please or thank you to her MIL who apparently now hates her for that. This is a direct consequence of not teaching children to say thank you for gifts.

Don't worry too much about it OP. You can quietly drop them if the dad isn't in your circle of acquaintance any more. What are they going to do about it?

@Highfivemum

My DH and her EXDH are no longer in touch. He isn’t local anymore. I have been the ones who have kept the relationship with my Godson going. I have 6 DC and one is a baby but I still spent time choosing a present and put a lot of thought into it. I usually take home out once a month with my DC ( pre covid) and treat him. It now strikes me that if I didnt instigate this then I would not probably see him. I do not give a present to receive praise but neither do I expect to be criticized for it. Feeling a tad silly now. As if I have been a mug.

The silver lining is you've realised this now, and not when he's an adult.

They are bastards not to even acknowledge your babies.

Is DH his Godfather?

@Highfivemum

Text from mum to say she apologizes that his card upset me. Maybe I should ask her what he wants to avoid it happening again !!! But I am not to worry as it was a genuine mistake !!! She finished by saying she will send me some things on his Christmas list!! Yes I think some of you are right. I have Mug stamped on my head !!!

I'd honestly tell her not to bother - it isn't necessary as you feel he has reached an age where you can step down from "godparenting" anyway, your criterion being that when a child stops being excited about just getting a present, it's time to step back.

Once you have her list - and the longer you hang on to it, the harder it will beto step back - ever.

Ask for his Christmas list.

Then send a goat.

It’s understandable that you are upset that with your godson’s rude thank you card and his mum’s response to the situation. I think you should stop buying clothes as presents for this child. Fair enough if you want to stop doing presents for him altogether. From his perspective, receiving clothes you really dislike as a present is hard. I once received an item of clothing so hideous as a Christmas present that I destroyed it later that day. I couldn’t even pass it on to someone else or give it to charity. It was too ugly to continue to exist in this world (pink acrylic knitted poncho with crocheted flowers). I was extremely upset that my relative thought I would like it. It was worse than receiving no gift at all. I didn’t send a rude thank you card and I even (only barely) tolerated my dad taking a picture of me wearing it to preserve family harmony. I can’t imagine I managed a very convincing smile though. Cutting it into tiny pieces was cathartic and helped me remember I didn’t have to wear the damn thing and I didn’t have to feel guilty about not liking it. I wasn’t ten years old. I was 18. Clothing is a terrible gift idea once children get old enough to want to choose their own clothes. I think your godson probably feels insulted that you don’t know him well enough to know his tastes and his size yet you feel entitled to have a say in what he wears. It’s not a rational response on his part, and the thank you card was rude, but if you value the relationship with your godson and his mum you should let it go and ask for guidance about what he might like for future gifts if you want to give any. Or stop doing gifts. Or just put 5quid in a card. That would probably be highly appreciated by a 10year old.

Youve been taken for a mug here OP. As a pp said, collect the jacket under the pretence of exchanging it then return it. Send the money on your own family.

Dont buy any more gifts, just send a card. It really is so spectacularly rude that you'd be doing the boy a disservice by giving him anything else. He could be forgiven if his mother didnt know but the fact she did tells you exactly where you stand.

Babyiskicking i think you may be projecting.

I think it's too late now, OP has posted the receipt. She has behaved with dignity, but no more presents I think.

And no only ever had a card from her. Never anything for the DC. Not even with my baby

Sorry but then you have confirmed that you are a mug. Why would you expect so little for your own children yet will go above and beyond for someone else's. She has never given any of your DC a gift yet you put so much effort into hers? How does that sit right with you. And you still want to drop off the receipt. No wonder they treat you like this op. Please wake up.

This incensed me so much that I created an account just to reply!

The number of posters excusing this child’s behaviour on the basis of age and immaturity is appalling. At ten years old he is fully aware of behaviour constituting rudeness, and the difference between right and wrong.

Of course his Mother should accept the majority of the blame for setting a terrible example for her child and failing to bring him up properly, but at ten years old he has enough influence from outside sources (eg school) to know that this behaviour is unacceptable. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his own actions despite his Mother’s obvious failings. If not now, when?

If it had been my child (which would never happen because I would have checked the note before sending!) she would have been made to write a letter of apology and the coat would have been returned to the giver for a refund for them to keep. And my child informed in no uncertain terms why this had happened.

OP you were right in calling the Mother out on her son’s behaviour but depressingly it seems to have fallen on deaf ears. I really wouldn’t bother in future. A card will suffice.

Wow. She is rude.

I'd be tempted to reply that seeing as you clearly have such different understandings of what giving and receiving gift entails, you feel it better that you don't do so anymore.

I would still send him cards. It's not his fault the way he was been brought up. Also being a godparent isn't about reciprocation, or whether or not they get you things. I know it speaks volumes about them that they haven't bothered, but you've still made an unconditional commitment as godparent to have a relationship with the child. It just doesn't have to involve gifts!

@Highfivemum

She meant I had made a genuine mistake not her. !!!

Ah. I got that wrong; I thought it was a mistake to post it, not that you'd got it wrong.

Well, it was a mistake to post it; Little Mr Entitled won't be getting any more gifts... hopefully.

Next clothes come up big not small.

There is no way i would let my child speak to someone like that. ungrateful git

Tell her you'll return it for her.
And keep the money.
Never buy these ungrateful people another thing

DH is not his godfather . DH has not seen/spoken his old friend for around 5 years.
I will still send receipt to her then that isn’t isn’t. I literally feel as if I have been a fool. I will not waste anymore money but will leave the door open for him in the future.

Firstly I think it's the mum to blame here. Her response is out of line and if she's bringing him up then at 10 is still quite young, she approved his answer after all.

So blame her not the child.

The other point here is you're being very kind but really the strongest link is to your DH and so you've just picked up a load of work etc here on his behalf and now all this has happened...

You've sent the receipt I'd say leave it.

He can always get in touch when he's older and grown up a bit if he wants.

Yes do leave the door open he's only a kid.