To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

[porcelaine]

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

I wouldn't care what the money was spent on. What does it matter. You either get past this or you don't. No amount of hand wringing or speculation will make any difference. It's the waste of money that's the issue. So irresponsible.

[quote SurroundedByCats12]@Brainwave89 you can easily spend well over £400 just by watching dances. Very very few clubs offer extras these days as they are so highly regulated by councils.

@porcelaine no matter what he’s spent the money on, it’s disrespectful and unacceptable. I only mentioned about most clubs being shut as there is a high chance he’s lying.

There’s lots of sweeping statements on here, generalisations and down right untruths. Many posters have based their views on what they have been told happens, or what happened the odd time they went to one.

It should be fairly easy to find out what club he went to and if it’s open/what the prices are.[/quote]
I agree and I said this in my post. Some girls will agree to come out of the club and meet a guy in a hotel or other area outside of the club. The fact there are two withdraws makes me fearful this might have been the case.

There was a news story not long ago about some guy who got ripped off with his card in a strip club. Id ask him to tell you were the place was under the guise of finding out about this. Wehn he tells you check if it was open or if he was really there (and if he wont tell you you know why)

I'm always a bit baffled on these threads when people who know the industry come along to tell people they don't know what they're talking about. We know it's vile, tacky and exploitative, that non-sheeplike, decent, faithful married men with any kind of class or sense don't do it, and that the sexist double standards some women collude in by being a 'cool wife' about it are appalling . What else does one need to know?

I think it would be very very easy to blow £400 in a strip club, probably including a couple of private dances in that. I wouldn’t assume it was anything more than that. I wouldn’t be happy with it though. Men in relationships shouldn’t be having personal dances IMO (unless it’s been discussed and their partner is ok with it). Lots of men in relationships will sit awkwardly in a corner with a beer and not have a dance, it’s not compulsory.

whereever he went 400 is a ridiculous amount to spend hes mean tto be making an effort after a sepration and he does that

i dont think he cares enough about your marriage op

The thing that jumps out to me here is that he took the money out in two separate transactions - which means he knew exactly what he was spending, on what and when.

I'm normally fairly laid back but taking into account your update there is absolutely no way I would be staying with this awful, selfish, disrespectful man.

It's about £100 for sex with an escort so... Plenty of those in zone 1 so even if he didn't spend it all in the strip club I'd assume he'd gone to one afterwards. There's no other reason really to get that much cash out in this day and age.

I'd ask to see his search history (which I'm sure he's cleared) and use the myactivity.google.com history (which tracks everywhere you've been and searched, even if you delete the history at a superficial level in your browser) and see if he searched for escorts. You can even check his Google maps to see where he was.

"Men are pack animals, it only takes one loud tossser insisting on a strip club and basically none can say no without a complete loss of face."

That old chestnut.

If they didn't want to go then they wouldn't!

Also even if tier 2 doesnt allow strip clubs to be open - loads of clubs are open regardless if they think they can make more money than a 10k fine would cost them.

I’m so sorry OP but this would be it for me. You and your kids deserve more than a man who thinks it’s ok to go and leer at scantily clad/naked women (not sure on that last bit as I’ve never been to a strip club), let alone the (likely) possibility that he has actually cheated with one of them. The spending so much money that you don’t have is the icing on the cake. He clearly has no respect for you or your family,

I can tell you from experience op that there's no way the dancer kept her underwear on. Lapdances are full contact and naked. That's why men pay for them. It's simulated sex.

@Helpmylecreuset

So much middle class horror on this thread, and actually tbh on pretty much any thread on MN.

... Stay at Home... all sex workers are trafficked.., do I pay my cleaner during lockdown?

I think OP just wanted to know if her H had maybe paid for sex, or if £400 could be realistically spent in a strip club.

For those of you clutching your pearls, you’ve obviously not worked in the sex industry or been close friends with anyone that has.

Well, that's absolutely true, happy to carry on pearl-clutching and I think the OP's husband is a shit. Even if just for spending that money at all, let alone in a strip club.

I would really like to know then after whipping off their drawers do they still wear a mask?

On a more serious note, OP, I would chuck him, he has no respect for you.

£400 is super easy to blow in a strip Club if he’s being flashy. Time to have a chat with him OP.

Grim. Why did you separate OP?

It doesn't look like he's taking your reconciliation very seriously. It's so incredibly disrespectful to blow hundreds of pounds on the commodification of another woman's body, while his wife is at home with three DC. He sounds disgusting and I'd be aiming towards a permanent separation if it were me.

That you're incredibly judgemental?

Was that directed at me? If so, I'm wondering which of my judgements you consider to be incorrect.

If this is his idea of "working on your marriage" after separation then I think your marriage is over. He has spent money you don't have, stayed out all night and visited a lap dance club. He may also have taken drugs or paid for more but you probably will never learn the truth. Time to sit him down and tell him he has crossed your line. He has shown you that things will never improve.

So much middle class horror on this thread, and actually tbh on pretty much any thread on MN

Nonsense. I'm not MC, I don't have any pearls and I HAVE actually worked in the seedy "industry" for a brief period. None of that means I would accept my husband doing what OP's has. You don't have to be middle class to find this unacceptable behaviour you know. Us working class folk also have standards shockingly!

So you’re in the midst of working on your marriage after a break and he decides to go out with his mates to a strip club and wastes £400 just before Christmas. Yeah, he’s really serious about making your marriage work.

I doubt strip clubs are able to offer private dances atm with social distancing rules and all. I’m guessing he blasted it on cocaine and rounds of drinks plus probably threw some at the women. He was honest about the strip club tbf to him, I’m sure a lot of men would bullshit and say their card was stolen or something... Still wouldn’t stand for it, my DH knows I wouldn’t so it would be game over if he even stepped foot in one.

@lioncitygirl

£400 is super easy to blow in a strip Club if he’s being flashy. Time to have a chat with him OP.

Time to give him a new postcode more like, never mind a bloody chat! Far easier said than done with a husband and father who can not just be ousted in a jiffy. I feel sorry for you OP and hope this is not the beginning of more revelations or disappointments for you. He was a selfish git and let us hope it was a one off and never to be repeated or anything along those lines. Ladies in those clubs "in their underwear" are not performing tasteful ballet moves. They are grinding their fannies on the men who are bursting for a wank or a fuck.

Hi OP. Just to say that a £400 spend doesn't necessarily mean he's done lots of private dances or anything more than that. I know in London a lot of clubs will charge £35 or more for a single beer, and a bottle of champagne can easily come to £150+, which then supposedly covers the 'entertainment' charge barring private dances.

@Viviennemary

I wouldn't care what the money was spent on. What does it matter. You either get past this or you don't. No amount of hand wringing or speculation will make any difference. It's the waste of money that's the issue. So irresponsible.

I think it matters a lot what the money was spent on. If he had bought a new games console or similar gadget it could be sold to get some money back. Not so with sexual services.