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To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

1000 replies

porcelaine · 07/12/2020 01:34

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

OP posts:
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AnotherEmma · 09/12/2020 07:35

@porcelaine

Do men who love and respect you do this? Is it enough that he told me about it and says he regrets it? I just feel like I have no idea if I can end my marriage and mess up my kids over this even though my gut is telling me I’m done
Do men who love and respect you do this? No Is it enough? Nowhere near, the lying and changing the story and deleting texts and getting in a huff because you are upset and angry - it's fucking unacceptable LISTEN TO YOUR GUT
Gretnacastle · 09/12/2020 07:36

Not convinced he is lying tbh.

£400 could evaporate out of a wallet in one of those places in half an hour.

Entrance is expensive, drinks are extortionate, and a very tame dance (like he described) could easily be north of £100 for 5 minutes.

Personally, whilst not happy about the waste of money, I wouldn’t automatically assume he wasn’t being honest with you.

AnotherEmma · 09/12/2020 07:38

"he was being daily emotionally abusive and sulking and getting angry and was un-liveable."

You know now that giving him another chance was a mistake.

Have you read any Lundy Bancroft? "Why does he do that?" and "should I stay or should I go?"

bonjonbovi · 09/12/2020 07:45

Can you see from the statements which cash point was used? Is it near The Griffin?

quest1on · 09/12/2020 08:08

Hope you’re ok OP. Ugh, those reviews the pp posted sound grim. It’s obviously a very low-grade place that would make girls wander round in their lingerie with a pint glass collecting £1 from punters. Can you imagine how humiliating that is - it’s like making them beg. I’m sorry if this is harsh, but you’re DH is one of those punters. It takes a certain kind if man to not turn and exit that kind of place. They make themselves believe it’s all “fun” and the girls love it. This is how genuinely thick they are.

No the girls do not love it. Many of them will have been sexually abused, assaulted, raped at some point, while working or otherwise. Many will have had “boyfriends” who gaslighted them into this kind of thing until it has become normalised for them. Many will have been trafficked.

Don’t let this become your normal. To spend money in this kind of place is to collude with the abuse of women.

If in any doubt, have a look in U.K. Punting to see how this kind of man thinks. Then kick him out. Do you have anyone who can help you get rid?

I know it’s easier said than done, but your children deserve better than an abusive sleaze. This is a turning point, but you will get to the right side of it. At least now, you know. He has made the decision for you. This is the first day of the rest of your life. There are so many more Christmases and there’s so much more to life than this. He’s like a dead weight round your neck.

I really do wish you well with your book. People will help you. Nobody will blame you. Imagine where you could be next Xmas without this kind of stress and wasted energy on him. You shouldn’t even have to be thinking about strip clubs and sleaze. How dare he bring this to your door. How dare he! You have three children fgs!

RollneckJumper · 09/12/2020 08:25

@Gretnacastle

Not convinced he is lying tbh.

£400 could evaporate out of a wallet in one of those places in half an hour.

Entrance is expensive, drinks are extortionate, and a very tame dance (like he described) could easily be north of £100 for 5 minutes.

Personally, whilst not happy about the waste of money, I wouldn’t automatically assume he wasn’t being honest with you.

There is no entrance fee at The Griffin.

To watch a 10 minute strip dance on the main stage you put £1 into the girls pint glass before the dance.

Drinks are reasonably priced.

A private dance costs £15-£20 depending on the time of day.

Sandals19 · 09/12/2020 08:50

Someone has done a good summary above, but omitted the suicide threats ... that's truly despicable on op, on top if everything else.

AnotherEmma · 09/12/2020 08:52

Oh yes the suicide threats! Classic emotionally abusive bollocks.

S111n20 · 09/12/2020 09:27

I think you know what you need to do op. Much love.

Eryouwhat · 09/12/2020 09:40

So sorry op

YoniAndGuy · 09/12/2020 09:42

WTF do you want from this?

Some kind of 'proof' that if you talk yourself round in absolute circles to the extent you disappear up your own backside, you'll be able to convince yourself that the sulky, aggressive, gaslighting, unpleasant fuckwit you already separated from because he is a total prick is actually a great guy worth spending your one precious life with?

IF HE WAS A DECENT MAN HE WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN IN THERE.

The fact that he was supposed to be proving to you how worthwhile he actually is just makes it worse.

The fact that he's now spent more energy than he's probably ever spent on making you feel loved, respected and reassured, on trying every trick in the book to make this ok on insulting stupid 'technicalities' makes it so much worse.

He's a scumbag. He'll be a scumbag when all this is over, if you convince yourself you can somehow make this ok and still stay with him. You'll carry on feeling like this no matter what lies you tell yourself, and when he carries on smugly insulting and shitting all over you, as he seems to do every single day in every single way, you'll feel even worse.

I cannot see one positive aspect to discussing this with this man any more. You know exactly who he is, he has shown you time and time again. It's not even like this is some one-off out of character thing... it's absolutely what you learn to eventually expect from a nasty, using, lying, emotionally abusive creep just like the one you wisely separated from.

You are simply wasting time.

AnyFucker · 09/12/2020 09:44

What she said ^^

AnotherEmma · 09/12/2020 09:47

Yup!

RandomUser18282 · 09/12/2020 09:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MrsKingfisher · 09/12/2020 09:57

I had an ex like this, he was mentally and emotionally abusive (which turned physical ) he would go to strip clubs and say all the same things, I discovered he was actually paying for sex with prostitutes. I left he told me he was going to kill himself, it was all manipulation. Best thing I ever did was leaving him, my dh would never behave the way he did and it's not normal for men to frequent strip clubs. Maybe for a certain type of man.

If you stay it's permission for him to do it again. You deserve so much better.

Itsseweasy · 09/12/2020 10:04

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this yet but I Googled the place out of interest, and the first part of the description description comes up as:

“The Griffin is a fully nude table dancing venue in London. Spend an evening with some of the most beautiful girls at one ...”

So yeah, I think it’s probably a big fat lie that they kept their clothes on.

Jj2431 · 09/12/2020 10:21

I think it was fully nude based on 2 facts, he's already lied and the website states its fully nude. If it closes at 11pm then my theory, as much as I hate to say this is that he got aroused during his time at the strip club and so went and paid for sex afterwards. Their website states they are closed at the moment though?

StopGo · 09/12/2020 10:33

@porcelaine he's lying to you The Griffin in EC1 is not trading currently.

LadyWaiting · 09/12/2020 10:44

Can I ask a question please, having never been in one of these clubs. I would have presumed that the point of a private dance would be for the man to wank while watching (with his cock out presumably). That I don't know though - can someone elaborate?

I know one girl who was a single Mum. She lived in Liverpool with her dd, but came to London once a month for about a week and she earned a few grand in the week to pay for her during the rest of the month with her daughter. She stayed in a youth hostel while in London - she was a pole dancer.

I also know of a guy who blew 2k in a club in Ireland. He was a junior barrister and was good friends with my boss (solicitor) who had taken on his case to try to recoup some of the money - no idea how that case fared out, but I think he may have handed his card in behind the bar and then saw his credit card statement.

If he was just watching the dancers and buying drinks I wouldn't mind, but he has already admitted to two private dances. I could maybe get over that if I knew that he wouldn't have been allowed to wank. If he wanked while watching it, that would be my absolute red line.

LadyWaiting · 09/12/2020 10:45

@porcelaine he's lying to you The Griffin in EC1 is not trading currently.

The OP has stated that she rang the club and the recorded message says they're open?

MAK93 · 09/12/2020 10:45

He sounds like an absolute arsehole!

I would be fuming if my DP end to a strip club because he knows I don’t find that acceptable.
Let alone if he spent £280 or £400! Especially coming up to Christmas & you have children?

He thought he could just tell you how it is & manipulate you with divorce if you (in his opinion) over react?

Now you haven’t backed down & he realises he hasn’t got away with it he’s trying to blackmail you with his mental health.

Totally out of order, predictable, manipulative & abusive behaviour.

Can you really see yourself getting passed this, to a time where you feel totally in love & can’t believe how lucky you are, how wonderful your life has turned out? Fuck that.

Please don’t be scared about being alone, my sister went back to an abusive relationship numerous times because of this worry! She’s now happily married with 2 extra children (2 from previous relationship 2 with new DH) Who is an absolute saint who she loves to bits!

You deserve more for yourself!

MAK93 · 09/12/2020 10:46

And what is the major difference between wearing underwear & not? 😂 Like it makes it any better, because IMO it doesn’t!

LadyWaiting · 09/12/2020 10:46

Making the 2nd withdrawal means he went in with good intentions maybe then got 'excited' and went back for more. That would annoy me most.

RandomUser18282 · 09/12/2020 10:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LadyWaiting · 09/12/2020 10:47

And what is the major difference between wearing underwear & not? 😂 Like it makes it any better, because IMO it doesn’t!

I'm wondering whether he would have had his cock out while enjoying the private dance........

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