To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

[porcelaine]

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

@Helpmylecreuset

Okay, here’s the firstly.

Taxis x 2 £25?
Entrance £25
Four dances £100? Last 5 minutes each?
Nose candy???? £100 Hate to say it but possible
Bottle/drinks £100 (or more, these places will ask the girls to ask if he wants champagne etc.

That’s almost £400 already without going in to any VIP rooms or the like.

What an utter shit you must be furious!

It’s not cheap. My DH went to a place on a stag do and ended up giving this girl €50 to leave him alone.

I know dozens of men who've lied to their partners about going to strip clubs but paying €50 to leave him alone us the most laughable story I've ever heard.

IKR who in life gives someone £50 for them to leave them alone. It’s hilarious and obviously an excuse as to how they spent so much money or to explain a transaction. Are woman really stupid enough to believe that old chestnut .

He INSISTS they kept their underwear on. Like a lot of pps have said, I’ll never know will I.

You know that is bollocks, that's not what a private dance is.

You sound miserable with him, OP, and he's a complete cunt to blame you. I appreciate leaving is hard and scary but I don't see how you could feel worse.

Most men would not do something like this, you are worth better.

So sorry OP. Some lady must have been laughing at him while strolling out of work that night.

My partner went on a stag do when I'd be been with him just 2 months and they went to a strip club I was annoyed but it was a new relationship and we wasn't serious. If he went in one now I'd dump him for the utter disrespect.

I'll probably get a grilling for this but i just wanted you to hear this from me.
Im an ex stripper, depending on where in the country you are is dependant on entry price, but drinks are usually overpriced everywhere.
If he paid anything on card then it won't be under the strip club name it will be under some random name on his statement.
If he withdrew money he may have been asked to by one of the girls as they charge girls more tax on card payments then they do cash.
£20 will get you a nude 3 minute dance on average.
£40 for 6 mins or a double dance off 2 girls nude.
£400 I would say he 100% paid for more than 2 dances for himself and 1 for a friend. Or he had a hell off a long dance.
The married men are the worst, they would always talk so positively about there wives and family life in such a positive way I could never understand it and why they were there.
I now have a family of my own and haven't worked as a dancer for years. If you have any questions id be more than happy to answer the best i can and I hope you are OK x
Also to a pp who paid a girl £50 to leave him alone.. I can guarantee you that a girl wouldn't pester a bloke that isn't interested as she's losing money. Its part of the job to be able to tell who's interested and who's not within 30 seconds before moving on.

Are strip clubs even allowed to be open at the moment? Yanno, covid

whatever the truth is he spent that money in a strip club and money u dont have

and is now trying to blame you for it-after so many break ups though there arent really any consequences left are they
he knows you will take him back because you always do

£400 sounds like VIP. He may have paid for a friend too, they book a girl each and go to the VIP area with drinks usually champagne.
I would be fuming too. Sorry you're going through this especially up to Xmas.

I wasn't even aware strip clubs or general clubs were open now

Very good friend of mine is an ex dancer she has worked in several clubs. Asked her some info for you.

You said near liverpool Street which might be browns (full nude on stage and dances)
Griffin (full nude on stage and dances)
Whites (no stage but full nude dances)

Could have paid for others, 400 could be VIP (£150 plus for half hour/hour plus drinks)
Drinks (rough prices, £10 beer, £20 shots, £20 spirit mix, champagne starts from £130)
A lot of girls charge £40 for a dance now but always full nude unless the guy says she doesn't have to be. Which friend advised has happened to her several times.

Guys draw out cash because if they pay on card the club adds like 20% so it's cheaper to have cash.

He says he was so upset, he left first, Etc. But for someone so upset he managed to stay a good few hours, went to go to the cash point, enjoyed at least 2 dances, whatever else. He’s so full of shit.

That he is.

In my eyes, if he's telling the the truth, he took the food out of your children's mouths and Christmas presents from under the tree to see other women naked. He's now gaslighting you for being upset about that.
He'd be gone.

It’s not cheap. My DH went to a place on a stag do and ended up giving this girl €50 to leave him alone

I’ve been in quite a few strip clubs over the years as part of groups. Really not my bag but I’m happy just to sit quietly and have a beer. You politely tell girls that you’re just having a drink etc. I’ve never been pestered or seen anyone have to pay a girl to leave him alone. You do pay €50 to have a fanny rubbed up and down your face though. In Prague €50 will get you private dance where touching is allowed.

@bloggersblog

Exactly what I was thinking haha! At least he tried to be original in explaining how he spent £50 at a strip club haha!
I can honestly say I've never heard that one before. Haha

@Elai1978 thats exactly what I was thinking.
I'm a woman and I've been in a few strip clubs in my time, with friends as well as my partner etc. NEVER have I seen anyone have to pay to get a girl away! As soon as you say "sorry I'm not interested" or "sorry I'm in a relationship " the girl will stop immediately. Tbh, a lot of them when we've said that, have just sat down and had a drink with us and a laugh and actually relaxed!
When I was a lot younger (now 31 with 2 kids), I used to work in one, for extra money when I was at uni. Not for long, but long enough. I absolutely hated most nights, some were okay and we would just have a drink and laugh with people. We were told that if someone says no, they are not interested, and you can see that, not to pressure them and just either have a drink with them or walk away to someone else. So the whole "payed her £50 to leave me alone" is definitely a new one to me.
Also I would like to say I never did nude, I know that may not make it better for some people, but it was to me. And like I said, I didn't stay long, had a lot of self esteem issues (which are worse now I've had a baby and been cheated on etc), but I can honestly say, it did make me feel a lot more comfortable in my own body and helped my confidence a lot in the little time I was there.
Anywayz sorry for rambling, and OP, I'm sorry this has happened, I COMPLETELY understand as I've been cheated on and messed around by the father of my baby. So I get it. Its your choice what you do, you have kids so its not as cut and dry as people will make out, again, trust me I get that!
Maybe try and get more info to ease your mind and see if he was telling the truth and go from there xx

He may have bought time in the VIP room. This is a small room away from the main bit and men can buy one-to-one (or one-to-many) time with the dancers, for private dances. In this room they are also encourage to buy expensive bottles such as Grey Goose. It is much more expensive than the usual £25 per dance.

I’m so sorry op. These are not the actions of a man who is working on his relationship. You know it. The longer you put up with this selfish, immature man-child the worse you are going to feel.

Hope your doing ok OP take care of yourself .

Strip clubs are expensive, there is a door charge, the bars are expensive and then if they pay for Lap dances... my ex-DH was a regular which is how I know, I also use to work in a very testosterone filled company where the sales team would regularly sloope off to in the afternoons to them and almost every works drink session ended up in one. Some (not sure if all) also have their own money you can to change your £ to theirs.

Plus if you get a bunch of drunk guys egging each other on, £499 can easily be spent.

Oppos £400*

thanks for all the replies. the anger has settled down but now I just feel sad, because I dont see myself coming back from this. maybe if we were in a strong place and this happened (but even then, knowing how much it'd hurt me, and him doing it, Im not sure) - but we weren't stable anyway, and he's done this. the money is huge, and the minimising, blaming, as much as the paying to see other womens bodies one on one. fuck.
I have made an excel of my finances and I am slowly but surely thinking this through. its right before xmas so shit timing, I dont know if I should wait, but I dont want to get talked around either.
thanks for the support.

Unlikely they kept underwear on at those prices, they usually remove it or pull it down to knees minimum.

But what does that really matter anyway.

Men always try that line - oh they kept their g strings on so you see it really isn't much different from what you see at the beach abroad. Sure, it's just like a public beach.

V sorry you're in this position op.

I also use to work in a very testosterone filled company where the sales team would regularly sloope off to in the afternoons to them and almost every works drink session ended up in one.

Funny I wouldn't cal that testosterone filled (they're not running off to play rugby are they), I'd call it sleazy, toxic masculinity filled.