To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

[porcelaine]

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

What absolute nonsense. Upset my arse.
A man with a wife and children at home, spending family money on sex acts, and one for a mate! This should just underline for you what sort of person this is. He has no respect for you, your marriage, the children.
However tough the next weeks will be, just think of him in that pit getting a "lap dance".

What now? He left because he was upset? He’s upset because he realised he just spent money you didn’t have? He’s over-egged the pudding there a bit. He should have just said “ I was hammered and I behaved like a twat” not pretended he was bothered at the time.

A family member used to manage the bar of a strip club. They can charge an extraordinary amount for a table - but they present it to you with your bill at the end. So you pay entry, pay for a couple of bottles of booze, maybe a couple of lap dances, that might come to £200, then they whack a £200 table charge on top and if you complain they just get their massive bouncers to persuade you to pay up.

Anyway, that’s all by the by. Because strip clubs are awful places that objectify women and if my DH spent £400 that we didn’t have watching disadvantaged women dance naked then he’d be at his mum’s house having a long hard think about what he needed to do to stay married.

I would also be insisting on having £400 to spend on myself.

What a fucking prick. Sorry OP

My sister is a stripper... he could have had many dances for that amount. Private ones.

OP do sorry for your situation. Have nothing to add about the protocols of strip joints but do agree that you do not have to chock him out now, just be planning financially to do it when you feel the finances work.

Have you got family you and the kids could go and stay with?

Personally l don't get the big deal about strip clubs but spending joint money without your consent is a massive no no.

Sorry OP - how shit for you
Some people might be ok with their other half going to a strip club but it would be game over for me and my husband knows it.
He doesn't sound like he's particularly remorseful about it either.

God he's a grim sleazy prick.

There's not a nice way to put this OP, but this is what happens when you take someone back. They have no fucking incentive at all to change their behaviour because they know you'll put up with their shit. That's why he's 'offering' you a divorce, he's got you right where he wants you because your behaviour has shown that you won't leave.

You can't change his behaviour mind you, but you can change yours... Get shot of him.

Places like that are designed to rinse men of as much money as possible.
On all the stag do's and night out I've been on I've never set foot in one - it's not a place for a married man in my opinion. Or even single ones to be fair but there you go.

I can't comprehend his thinking, like at all, my wife would have my balls on a chopping board - I kid you not. Just so depressing for you op, don't settle for him because you feel like you have no choice - there's always a choice.

Best of luck to you

Do you know the friends partners? Is it worth asking them to compare notes on the night?

Do you know the friends partners? Is it worth asking them to compare notes on the night?

I kinda see the logic in this, but what difference does it really make at this point? It’s just getting down in the mud with the pigs themselves.

He blew family money they don’t have just before Christmas. He had at least two dances from women. He paid money for a dance for his mate. He has precious form. He doesn’t respect the OP. The OP doesn’t trust him.

This is more than enough to make some serious, fundamental decisions.

*previous

Oh I’m so sorry OP. What a shit. I’d like to say it’d be a deal breaker for me but it’s so much more complicated when there’s kids and entwined lives in the balance. What a bastard doing this to you while you were looking after your children. Sending you much support I wouldn’t be able to look at him either

I used to work in the West End and there were plenty of dodgy clubs that would lure you in, with a £5 entry fee, and then charge extortionate prices for drinks, or even talking to one of the ladies. They would then be presented with a massive bill and the 'security' would march them round the corner to a cash point. I worked in a bar there and heard many of these stories, and they were certainly the kind of clubs who might find a way to operate in these times. Maybe he's too embarrassed to tell you he got conned.

Either way it would be a total deal breaker for me, and from seeing some of your other posts, it sounds like you are better off away from him anyway.

Drinks are horribly over priced in the majority of strip clubs so maybe he bought a round of drinks...twice.

£400 you don’t have spare is beyond reckless, you need to talk with him. But don’t automatically assume he cheated on you. Lots of clubs scam every penny out of the clientele.

He didn't say he was scammed, he didn't say he was rinsed for drinks.
He said he paid for two "lap dances" for himself and one for his friend. It's very, very clear what the money was spent on.

Did they wear masks?

Exactly. He wasn’t scammed. He happily coughed up.

@hotsouple

Did they wear masks?

That’s the issue you’re focusing on...?

Ask him how he will explain if his children get covid because he paid strangers for faked sexual interest.

Well on the bright side OP you have made me look good to the wife. Spent 70vquid on the new blood bowl starter set and dared to use a whole half days leave to attend a tourney mid next year!

@MerchantOfVenom Not the issue I'm focusing on but another angle for the argument. I like to really lay guilt on thick when arguing. My mother was an expert haha. I think she should go in on the covid aspect because that's indefensible to everyone and I can't imagine him having any form of comeback.

I also think she leave his cheating, lying ass and that he's clearly trickle truthing her.

Throw the whole man away but first make him feel really really bad if possible.

I would probably go with a pared down version of this depending on how heated the argument is; "I hope in the funeral speech for your children you mention that you paid $400 to bring covid home to your family for Christmas because you felt that you deserved to ignore all safety guidelines and respect for our relationship and finances to pay a young woman risking her life for economic stability (by going to work where her job is to get as many strangers as possible to pay for close contact with her) to sexually preform for you, a married man with dependent children and a loving wife at home."