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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have lied to the police?

140 replies

Efftwentytwenty · 06/12/2020 21:28

Sorry for the long-winded post!

Little backstory- was friends with someone we'll call 'A' for around a decade. Saw her through a lot of things, and got put through a lot of situations that would normally end a friendship. But, her friends always left and so did her boyfriends, so I remained the one constant- no matter what.
She found herself a new boyfriend and at first he seemed really lovely. I've been with my DH (was boyfriend at the time) for almost 8 years and we've never actually liked one of her boyfriends enough to socialise with them together, but this one seemed really nice. He treated her well, she treated him well, and it looked like it was going to work out great.

We decided to double-date, which ended up as a night out. My DH and I don't really drink, so my husband agreed to be our designated driver and the idea of a night out is usually hell for us, but we wanted to make an effort so we went along with it. Getting ready together, brilliant. A drink before we left, no problem. The drive there, the mood was great. Then, as soon as we were walking from the first bar to the next, A's boyfriend purposely barged into a plus-sized woman who, like I would have done, asked what his problem was. He shouted 'what are you going to do, fatty?'. A laughed it off, but my DH and I were mortified. Being plus-size myself, I've been in those situations and it is absolutely degrading.

Bar number two. My DH and I were talking on the side of the dance floor whilst A and her boyfriend danced. A came over, face like thunder, screaming at us that we were leaving. Turns out her boyfriend had started pushing about another guy on the dance floor, trying to provoke a fight. We upped and left. They made up outside, but my DH and I were completely put off the idea of staying out anylonger. A's boyfriend apologised, said he'd stop acting up, and we headed to the third and final bar.

Whilst there, my DH and I just couldn't shake off this bad vibe. We decided at around 12.30am that we wanted to go home, so told A and her boyfriend, and offered them a ride home. They declined and said they wanted to stay out, so I made sure they had money for a taxi and said goodbye.

My DH and I walked to the car, about 10 minutes away, and headed home. Around 5 minutes in to the drive, I had a call from A who was screaming and crying. Said her boyfriend had been arrested because he'd been assaulted. She was in pieces. So, we turned around and picked her up. He was walked off by police, in handcuffs, and taken to the local station. She was a drunken mess and walked to the station, so I walked with her to keep her safe. My DH drove and met us outside with flat shoes and coats. She tried smashing the glass at front of the station, laid on the floor causing a scene and was threatened with arrest by an officer. She finally caved and got in the car, and we drove her home. I got her cleaned up, in her pyjamas and into bed, then locked up and hid her key, then text her where it was for the morning.

Around a month later, I got a call from an unknown number. It was a police sergeant asking if I can talk him through the events of that night. I walked him through the night and he said 'so can you confirm you witnessed A's boyfriend acting in self defence?' I was confused and said no, we left and had a call 15 minutes later saying he'd been arrested. He said he was told by A that both DH and I had witnessed her boyfriend being assaulted, and him throwing one punch in his defence. I confirmed that this was wrong, and that we were both not there. He said he'd needed me to make a formal statement at the station, along with my DH, and that it was important that neither of us spoke to A or her boyfriend regarding this.

Two days later, we went to the station and were shown CCTV of the night in question. We were asked to confirm if we could see A and her boyfriend on the CCTV, which we did. Then we were asked where we were; I showed him the text I'd sent DH from the toilets saying I wasn't comfortable with the vibe and wanted to go home, and then the incoming call from A later on.
We were shown CCTV of A's boyfriend throwing a punch to a younger male who immediately fell to the floor. The sergeant told us that this guy was on his first ever night out and was left hospitalised for days. We were told that A's boyfriend had targeted this male for no reason, and now that they've been caught lying the case was even more serious.

A didn't message, call, drop by.. nothing, for a couple of months. Nothing else seemed to come of it for a while, until I received a letter with the outcome of the case. A's boyfriend was found not guilty and the charges were dropped by the CPS. I sent her a message saying if she wanted to catch up, to let me know. It ended with a huge argument about her being 'embarrassed, stood up in court to give evidence and being asked why her best friend would say she's a liar'. I remained firm in that I had never called her a liar, but said that her statement putting DH and I at the scene was incorrect. She blew up at me and said I should have had her back, and it's since come out that he was actually acting in self defence. We haven't talked for months since, but we crossed paths recently and I sent her a message just to say I hope things are going well for them now. I've just been ignored and it's really getting me down, and I feel like I was in the wrong.

OP posts:
ChickensMightFly · 06/12/2020 21:38

Why anyone would want to corroborate a false sorry to cover the backside of someone who is making other people's nights out a misery I have no idea. Anyone expecting that is as bad as he is. People like that are not asset to anyone's life. He could have killed the guy, people have died from incidents like this. I'm baffled you are sad about it, if I had a friend who didn't see why I had no desire to support a violent idiot they wouldn't be a friend for anther moment.

SharedLife · 06/12/2020 21:41

Sounds like a nightmare! I'd be glad I was well out of it!

AlwaysCheddar · 06/12/2020 21:41

Wtf would you be a friend to her after this?

Efftwentytwenty · 06/12/2020 21:42

ChickensMightFly I don't know why I'm sad about it. I've talked at length to DH about it (his attitude is eff it, you're better off) but think it's that I've stuck by her throughout the most horrendous situations, but she's felt it's her right to be mad at me, if you get what I mean? Ultimately, I'm sad that I'm made out to be in the wrong when all I've done is be honest

OP posts:
Efftwentytwenty · 06/12/2020 21:44

AlwaysCheddar I don't want to be friends, but I want to be a civil person.. I can't help it, it's the way I've always been. It doesn't matter what wrong someone does to me, I'm always the pushover who apologises and maybe that's what is getting me down.

OP posts:
AIMD · 06/12/2020 21:45

You did the right thing. Absolutely. Don’t question yourself. I’d question a friendship like that personally. Maybe you should t have stuck by her for so long.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/12/2020 21:45

With a friend like 'A', you don't need enemies. I wouldn't have anything to do with this twat.

Squirrelblanket · 06/12/2020 21:46

You did nothing wrong. It sounds like you are better off out of the friendship.

billybagpuss · 06/12/2020 21:47

You did the right thing, they’d probably have picked you up on cctv leaving anyway so not worth lying even if you had.

Is she still with him?

Babyfg · 06/12/2020 21:48

Behaviour like hers is probably why friends seem to leave

RolandSchitt · 06/12/2020 21:49

If she's asking you to commit perjury she isn't your friend. She sounds like trouble, and so does her boyfriend.

VanityWitch · 06/12/2020 21:49

I'd give them both a berth the width of Everest.

These stories so often start "...nobody else wants to know her and I was her only friend". If you are the only one who wants to know her, there might be a reason, is the lesson I'd take from this.

You did the right thing and it is quite strange of her expecting you to know she'd lied to the police and then to "have her back" when she never actually told you what she'd lied to them about!

Efftwentytwenty · 06/12/2020 21:50

billybagpuss that was one of my points, we were being shown the CCTV of them before, during and after the fight.. so can you imagine we said we were there? We'd have put our jobs in jeopardy and could have ended up in so much trouble.

Yeah they're still together, and from what I gather they're happy. So much of me that's glad she's found someone who makes her happy finally.

OP posts:
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 06/12/2020 21:50

Your friend is a credibly unreasonable

FestiveChristmasLights · 06/12/2020 21:52

I wouldn’t have lied. At the very best I would have made it clear how drunk A was and that any statement she made would have been under the influence which could have accounted for her being confused about where I was and what I saw, but I would have said what happened.

Divebar · 06/12/2020 21:52

Sorry OP. Firstly how were you supposed to know that she’s used you for an alibi?secondly it would have been blatantly obvious you weren’t there because the place was clearly caught on CCTV. There are repercussions for lying in a police statement. Sadly your friend has tied her colours to this particular twatish mast. I dare say she’ll be back when she tires of his horrendous behaviour. I’m sorry though it’s sad to lose a friend.

Efftwentytwenty · 06/12/2020 21:53

VanityWitch Funnily enough I said this when she threw the whole 'I was embarrassed being told you called me a liar in court'. I said that she needed to imagine how I felt having a phonecall from police and having a statement read to me that puts me at the scene of a crime, whilst I'm looking completely confused as to why.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 06/12/2020 21:53

I sent her a message saying if she wanted to catch up, to let me know.

Are you out of your mind?

We haven't talked for months since, but we crossed paths recently and I sent her a message just to say I hope things are going well for them now

See point above x 2.

willloman · 06/12/2020 21:54

There is no law that says you have to be friends with a&*%$holes.
Leave the poor woman be.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/12/2020 21:55

I think Charlotte dated that guy in sex and the city. Everywhere he went a fight broke out. Youre well rid and you KNOW youre not being unreasonable.

duckinatruckwithmuck · 06/12/2020 21:55

She's not a friend @Efftwentytwenty.

VanityWitch · 06/12/2020 21:55

'I was embarrassed being told you called me a liar in court'

But...but....she did lie in court did she not...? How that is meant to be anyone's fault but hers is quite confusing tbh. I'm sure it was very embarrassing for her, but then...don't lie?

slipperywhensparticus · 06/12/2020 21:56

He is lucky it wasn't worse in my area lad a got lairy with lad b and might have swung a punch lad b definitely landed a punch knocking a to the ground where he hit his head and died lad b in prison life ruined for nothing

You did the right thing

Viviennemary · 06/12/2020 21:56

A's boyfriend is an aggressive troublemaker and she wants you to lie to the police in his defence. I'd just drop her. More trouble than she's worth.

VanityWitch · 06/12/2020 21:57

@slipperywhensparticus

He is lucky it wasn't worse in my area lad a got lairy with lad b and might have swung a punch lad b definitely landed a punch knocking a to the ground where he hit his head and died lad b in prison life ruined for nothing

You did the right thing

How awful. Yes, those awful one punch deaths. Everyone's lives ruined Sad.