Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

Depends.
My friend likes to tell me how she worked hard etc. She did. But she also has wealthy parents who paid for her studies and provided lots of support, and a a very well off husband.

I also worked hard, my level of education is actually higher. But I didn’t manage to reach the same goals (bigger house or maintain career after having children) because I have no support, no free family help with childcare or financial help. I had to become a SAHM and retrain and to live in a smaller place. I don’t complain much because I don’t think I’m unfortunate at all. But not everything is “hard work”. Sometimes it’s good circumstances.

No. They likely mean that you haven't had bad luck which at some point hits most of us (or if you have, they're not aware of it). This might mean serious illness, death of a family member etc., life changing events that could well destroy your happy life.

Lucky in comparison to someone born into different circumstances which meant that they were denied similar opportunities? Yes.

In comparison to someone with a similar background whis had the same sort of chances and made less of them? No.

It's more complicated than luck.

There seems to be a thing at the moment where anyone with any nice quality of life is somehow meant to continually beat themselves up and pretend that no choices they made affected their position because anything other than 'oh it's total luck that I have a decent job and an ok house' is apparently a sign that you think anyone without that didn't work hard.

Not all rewarding and important jobs pay well. Your background as a child makes a difference. Equally choices matter too, so it isn't luck that sees two people from similar backgrounds end up in two very different places.

One of my friends is wealthy, though I'm sure not by MN standards where everyone has a super affluent DH in a very important job. They live a very comfortable expat lifestyle, I don't. It's not luck that they have more money than me. They chose to rent in London and work silly hours, I didn't. They chose a career in a lucrative area and have stayed in it, I didn't and then retrained as a teacher.

I’d say lucky if it was handed to you so not money you had earned yourself be it an inheritance or someone else working for it.

Not lucky if everything you have you have worked hard for.

It is luck. I work hard, but I don’t kid myself that everything I have is simply because of that. I grew up in poverty, but I was lucky to have a mother that actually cared unlike many of the children that I grew up with.

I was a "disadvantaged" child too. I used to love science at school, my dad used to tell me I could go to MIT when I was older and I completely believed him I didn't, but I did go to university. I got very lucky parents wise.

But...sometimes I think focusing too much on luck might make kids like the 16 year old me (lived on an estate, on FSM etc etc) "give up"...I obviously knew other kids were richer/posher than me, but that shouldn't mean things were impossible for me/kids like me to achieve?

Sorry, I don't think I'm explaining myself very well.

This is an interesting watch

m.youtube.com/watch?v=4K5fbQ1-zps

Luck plays a large part of success:
Having: intelligence, good health, access to an early home life that included enough food, warm and security, access to an alright education, parents that supported you, no abuse, an aptitude for something that makes money, being the right sex (could have been the world's greatest female footballer in any decade other than the last), growing up in a country like the UK with opportunities, in the right city, not having contraception failure at a young age (DH became a father at 20 with a woman he had a short term relationship with), confidence, the gift of the gab, good connections and on and on

Hard work and determination are also important but having the above helps.

@NotImpossible

Lucky in comparison to someone born into different circumstances which meant that they were denied similar opportunities? Yes.

In comparison to someone with a similar background whis had the same sort of chances and made less of them? No.

I think I’m clumsily trying to say what you are. I’m comparing my husband to his friends who comment on his “luck, not society in general. They are all white, working class, left school at 16 with few qualifications. They have had similar opportunities to my husband but didn’t take them, whereas he did, but that’s just lucky according to them. They don’t see the bigger picture of the sacrifices he made in order to become successful. Nor of the stress he has in creating business and generating work, whereas they have a guaranteed weekly income. This is why I take exception at them calling him “lucky”.

@Camomila your luck was your parents.

Agree it’s complicated. I own my own home, am married to a lovely man, have a good job and expecting my first DC. (Very lucky)

I was well supported by my parents and went to good schools as a kid. (Very lucky)

But I’ve also struggled with illness. I was very ill for about 6 months when I was 12, waiting for an operation. (Moderately unlucky)

I was in a car accident as a teenager that impacts my mobility and pain levels nearly a decade later. (Very unlucky)

At university I developed a breathing condition that meant several extended stays in hospital and will always require careful management. (Wtf took 2 years to find a doctor who had heard about my condition unlucky)

Swings and roundabouts.

@NotImpossible

Lucky in comparison to someone born into different circumstances which meant that they were denied similar opportunities? Yes.

In comparison to someone with a similar background whis had the same sort of chances and made less of them? No.

How about someone with autism? Same circumstances as you but autistic? Or someone who grew up in a home where there was domestic violence? Or alcoholism? Or a family member with mental health issues?

There are no two people who have grown up in identical circumstances- even within the same family.

I'm sure if you ask Blacks and Asians if they feel lucky and blessed to be who they are, they will give you a resounding YES. To all the people that have said they feel lucky to be white, well I feel very lucky to be Asian, even if that means extra hardships.
Majority of mumsnet users are female, would you say you were unlucky to be born a female? We are still treated like second class citizens, majority of men in high positioned jobs (females barely get a look in) men running the country, the word female is slowly being eradicated, majority of sexual assults are directed at females, etc etc. If you had a choice would you rather be a white middle-class male?

The idea that people who have nothing, who are struggling, who are suffering, could solve all that, could be a success if only they worked harder, is one of the most pernicious and corrosive lies - and yet so many people believe it.

Yes and no. I have bust my arse to make a good salary and live in a nice house etc. Plenty of my peers have taken a much more relaxed attitude and therefore don’t have the same luxuries I do.

I’m single however, if you marry a rich man then that’s dumb luck (and possibly a bit of positioning) and could be taken away.

On balance, I’m lucky to have my health and intelligence to enable me to pursue these opportunities so I would say it’s 50/50.

Reading a PP however, my current company, and indeed 3 previous companies have been entirely male, so I think if I’d been born a man is probably be a lot luckier.

Ever heard of hubris OP?

Sorry meant to say the members of the board:exec have all been men

I do think there's some luck involved. I didn't come from a particularly privileged background but my parents were able to live in a decent area which meant I went to a good (state) school. They were very supportive of my education.

I went to 6th form and University which neither parent had.

That's not to say I haven't worked bloody hard because I absolutely have. I grafted through school/college/Uni. I worked part time jobs to supplement my loan because my parents were not in a position to fund me (totally fine).

My DH was the same. We both saved hard so our home is now owned outright and we have substantial savings.

We wouldn't have achieved what we have without hard work but equally, had we not had supportive parents and gone to decent schools, perhaps we wouldn't have had the same opportunity.

I think luck plays a big part. Other factors come in to it of course but at any time your 'luck' can change and you can lose everything.

@Bluegrass

The idea that people who have nothing, who are struggling, who are suffering, could solve all that, could be a success if only they worked harder, is one of the most pernicious and corrosive lies - and yet so many people believe it.

I’m not explaining myself very well at all tonight. But I agree with you. I work with many disadvantaged young people who unfortunately won’t enjoy the privileges I have no matter how hard they work. I’m specifically talking about one specific case where I don’t think it’s luck even though his friends all say it is.

I never understand why people are offended to be called lucky. Lucky is a good thing surely? And it doesn't mean you haven't worked hard, just that you've had good fortune too. It's not an insult.

I mean, honestly, would you rather be a hard worker with bad luck?

@Bluegrass

The idea that people who have nothing, who are struggling, who are suffering, could solve all that, could be a success if only they worked harder, is one of the most pernicious and corrosive lies - and yet so many people believe it.

The perniciousness is in telling people they can’t make their life any better, surely?

The deserving/undeserving idea is bullshit. Life is very much about luck.

@Bluegrass

The idea that people who have nothing, who are struggling, who are suffering, could solve all that, could be a success if only they worked harder, is one of the most pernicious and corrosive lies - and yet so many people believe it.

Agree 100%