Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

The natural state of the vast majority of humans through history was to be poor, cold, hungry, in danger and constantly battling poor health. Many of them were no doubt brave, kind, decent, loving people. And the vast majority no doubt worked bloody hard “Deserve” is such a meaningless word. If someone is calling you lucky based on your material circumstances, it’s a pretty good sign that you ARE extremely fortunate, in that respect at least.

I feel lucky in some ways. My parents weren't well off but I got to university and did medicine so am in well paid if frustrating job.
I married a lawyer who earned a good salary and we saved a lot of money. He stopped work at 41 as he had a brain tumour but had paid into an insurance policy so we still received the equivalent of half his income tax free and we saved a lot.
Sadly he died in 2012 but I have been able to help my kids on the property ladder and pay off the mortgage which was quite small as we'd been paying it off year by year.
So it's a bitter sweet story.

I recognise that I'm lucky. I've worked hard for what I have but I've also been blessed with a supportive upbringing, a decent education, good health etc that have made it all possible

Sorry OP but luck plays a part in everyone's life - and in no way does that detract from your hard work.

Luck, chance, opportunity... whatever you choose to call it is common feature in everybody's life story. What can really make a difference is what you do with those opportunities and that comes down to personality.

@Stradivari

It absolutely is luck. And to say otherwise is foolish.

No it isn't luck.

It alos depends on what you mean for doing well foryourself. Wealth isn,t everything.

MrsTerryPratchett

I agree. Love that Boris had been born poor he wouldn't be Prime Minister now would he? He'd be a feckless loser with multiple children who he avoided paying for.

Same reason I can't get worked up about equestrian events at the olympics. It is a "skill" born from priviledge.

[quote myhumps123]@MrsTerryPratchett when did being white mean your luck is in? So everyone who is non white is unlucky? I find that rather offensive. I feel very lucky that I have Asian heritage even though I am part white[/quote]
Statistics innit?

If you are white ethnicity (or Indian actually) you are more likely to be in the top two income quintiles in and UK and less likely than any other groups to be in the bottom two. That doesn't mean a person can't be Oprah Winfrey but it makes it harder.

Same as being female. I might be born a woman in a priviledged place in history but I'm far more likely to be screwed in most places and times being female. Doesn't mean I don't feel happy to be female.

It's both luck and hard work. My parents aimed to give me a really good start in life, so I was very lucky, but I've also worked hard. Interestingly, my husband and his sibling had a good start in life and were both lucky. DH has worked hard but his sibling hasn't and their lives reflect this.

I had a chat with my son about this the other day. I think this is a good example of fortunate rather than lucky.

It's a mix. I am lucky I was born with a clever brain and moderately well off parents who prioritised education (prep, then grammar, then uni), showed me a good work ethic and didn't make life easy. I had to work and save for everything, no handouts once I'd graduated.

I'm also lucky that when I bought my first property age 23 it was still affordable on a salary of £14k! This was in the south east too.

I'm very lucky to have had good health, no serious problems and a naturally resilient personality and body that can cope with all sorts.

I'm lucky I have two lovely healthy children who i adore.

I'm lucky I got an opening into partnership at work because the more obvious candidate did a flounce the year I applied.

BUT I've always worked hard, sacrificed other stuff (short maternity leaves, frequent overtime, the years when I worked full time and studied for my law qualifications were murderously hard). I was uncompromising in my choice of partner. I would rather have been single than be a man's maid. I think when people sometimes tell me I'm "lucky " (especially those who've had the same advantages) they're being rather selective because they just didn't fancy doing the graft.

There's also stuff people don't know or see. That i had a stillborn child in between my two, multiple miscarriages, and the heartbreak nearly cost my sanity and marriage. That my eldest has ASD/ADHD (and probably so do i) and it's been a massive battle to get him a diagnosis/ any help at all and he's not "just a handful" and will struggle all his life, which is another reason I need to earn/save good money to set him up.

That whilst my parents were pro education, they actually don't seem to care less about me or my children in any other respect....

Like I said, it's a mix.

There are a lot of people who work very hard and don't end up with their own home, don't meet the love of their life, don't have desperately longed for children, don't have a loving family, don't have any inheritance, don't have nice neighbours, don't live on safe streets, don't have natural intelligence/a head for numbers/physical coordination/beautiful singing voice etc. Hard work alone does not get you a happy life. Luck is a huge part of every successful person's story.

To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.

I assume you must have lived a very sheltered life if you haven't had to deal with severe life changing illness, severe disability, a nasty accident.

If course it is luck if these things haven't come your way and trust me, any of those and your happy family and your comfortable existance would have gone pretty quickly. Just get off your high horse.

This blinkered attitude is so offensive and the concept of privilege has been explained on these boards so many times its amazing anyone still thinks this way.

Particularly with everything that's going on at the moment it should be obvious that anyones health and wealth are down to absolute luck which can change dramatically without warning.

It goes without saying you "work hard". Very few people in this world do not whatever their circumstances.

I am lucky that I was born in a peaceful, first world country.
I am lucky that I was adopted into a stable and loving family.
I am lucky that I was born without disabilities and, so far, haven't had any long lasting or permanent medical conditions.
I am lucky that I am reasonably intelligent and was able to do well at school.
I am lucky that, for reasons known to no one so far, I developed a BBC accent as a child (neither my friends, family, neighbours or teachers etc had it) which has gone a long way in job and university interviews etc.
I am lucky I'm white.

I am unlucky that I'm part of a generation who will struggle with sky high house prices and tuition fees and an oversaturated job market.
I am unlucky that I have poor relations with my birth family and that the dynamic between us has had an adverse effect on me.

I have worked hard. At school and at university and in my career. I have been sensible with finances. I have, generally, made good choices. However, I have also been mostly very lucky.

I think it's usually a mixture of luck and hard work - I don't think you can do well for yourself without a bit of both.

No matter what job you end up in, what business you end up in, there's always an element of luck about being in the right place at the right time or about happening to see a job opportunity you're perfect for.

Some people work hard their whole life but never get that lucky break.

Luck, chance, opportunity... whatever you choose to call it is common feature in everybody's life story. What can really make a difference is what you do with those opportunities and that comes down to personality.

Also comes down to class, expectation, social conditioning.

I come from a long line of low achievers. I grew up in a large poverty striken area in state housing. Crap school, surrounded by people around me who knew they would amount to nothing so no point in trying. My childhood was a grey place- dog shit and fag ends on the street, domestic violence in every other house, neglect.

That aspiration or lack of plays a huge part the early years.
Compare that to a child brought up in leafy suburbs with access to sports, hobbies, recreational facilities, with a community and family with a "can do " attitude.

That's not "personality". That's a tough roll of the dice.

Lots of people work their arses off. There are A LOT of reasons why people are not well off despite working hard.

You never know what life is going to throw at you.

My inlawa lived in the midlands in working class jobs. They loved their out door hobby but live was pretty humdrum. They chose to take a risk and live on a boat in a different county and learn to sail (a new skill to them.) This has opened up new job opportunities, new house moves, new friends ect ect. Yes part is luck but they decided to take the initial risks.

There is lots of research on how there is a large element of luck for really successful people. See this article on Bill Gates.

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20170921-why-you-shouldnt-imitate-bill-gates-if-you-want-to-be-rich

That's not to say you can't be successful or with a smaller amount of luck and hard work. But there are lots of people who are hampered by bad luck. Born into a lack of opportunities, disabilities, (look at how many give up work to be carers), family tragedy etc etc.

Absolutely @CherryPavlova my SIL born into a well off family, privately educated, lived in a large house in the country with a tennis court, three holidays a year, a pony and then a horse bought for her, never worked hard and basically thought that somehow, with no effort from her, life would always be like this. Her only qualification (and it's not even a qualification) is one year of a 2 year secretarial course she never finished and never used the skills she did learn. She's worked very little and that was a big part of her divorce although she's in denial about that. However due to her divorce, PILs making some poor investments (they always bailed her out) and nursing home fees she now has very little money and, as we're all in our 50s, is facing a difficult old age.

However she is always telling me how lucky I am. She can't see the irony of saying that when I come from a working class background, grew up in a backstreet 2 up 2 down terrace with a paved back yard like in coronation street, local comprehensive education, worked in a riding school for free rides and used most of my pocket money to there via 2 buses, worked my socks off when I left school at 18, carried on studying in my own time and cost until I was 41 to get further qualifications etc. Her only comments on my work ethic in the past were that I was 'stupid to work such long hours' & 'you'd never catch her doing on call/long commutes/ studying as well as working' but now apparently'I'm lucky'. She can't or won't recognise that hard work has a link to achievements.

"For example, Gates’s upper-class background and private education enabled him to gain extra programming experience when less than 0.01% of his generation then had access to computers."

@speakout

Luck, chance, opportunity... whatever you choose to call it is common feature in everybody's life story. What can really make a difference is what you do with those opportunities and that comes down to personality.

Also comes down to class, expectation, social conditioning.

I come from a long line of low achievers. I grew up in a large poverty striken area in state housing. Crap school, surrounded by people around me who knew they would amount to nothing so no point in trying. My childhood was a grey place- dog shit and fag ends on the street, domestic violence in every other house, neglect.

That aspiration or lack of plays a huge part the early years.
Compare that to a child brought up in leafy suburbs with access to sports, hobbies, recreational facilities, with a community and family with a "can do " attitude.

That's not "personality". That's a tough roll of the dice.

I agree 100%. I was being a little simplistic saying 'personality'. It's far more complex and multi faceted.

I research, teach and study career development which includes social mobility- I specifically look at university choices but also focus on women's career development as well as the subject in more general terms. The theories and research which make the most sense acknowledge the role of luck and chance. That doesn't mean you haven't worked hard! It often means you've had the opportunity to make the most of your personal circumstances.

Who was it who said: "The harder I work the luckier I get"?

My DH is infuriated by friends and family commenting that we are “lucky” or “it’s ok for you” because we have a good income. He has bust his gut to set up a successful business with no help or financial backing from any one. It’s not luck but hard work and a willingness to take risks. Whilst his friends have all the benefits of employment, he has never taken a sick day in more than ten years as he doesn’t get paid. He doesn’t get paid holidays nor employer’s pension contributions so although he makes far more money than any of his friends and family, there are downsides, but whenever we say that we are met with the response “it’s alright for you” 😡