Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

Yes, you no doubt got to where you are because you are lucky or privileged in some way.

I am too btw. I recognise that completely. Not to say, I've never had to work or had a setback, but I have been lucky, yes. I don't work any harder than, for example, a carer on minimum wage.

The perniciousness is in telling people they can’t make their life any better, surely?

No one says that. But it is a lie that individual action can guarantee success in our society.

Tootsietootie yes of course, I think so too.

I am glad that there are more outreach things nowadays to be encouraging/show options etc.

I’ve worked very hard for everything I have. I had to make smart decisions repeatedly over time starting as a young teen. I had to do it despite growing up in an abusive home.

I still think there is a bit of luck in it. Plenty of people work hard and make good decisions at every point in their lives and still struggle.

would you say you were unlucky to be born a female?

Well if we were male we would statistically be more likely to be 'successful' which is what we're discussing. So being male is an advantage.
I don't feel unlucky to be female though, for many reasons.
I said upthread about being lucky to be white. Life is easier for me because of it.
Talking in statistical terms.

Its not impossible to fail if you're white, or to be a success if you're not. Just the odds are more in my favour.

I think relationships are luck to a degree, and actually career can be too, but having confidence/boundaries/ambition helps in both.
Of the two, I would say luck has a greater impact on relationships than careers.

I'll just leave this here..

Me and my DH have worked since before 18. We’ve been in the same jobs for a long time so we are at the top of the salary scale. We rarely take holidays, our cars are old, but we don’t deprive ourselves, although we’re careful. We are comfortably off, one salary covers the mortgage with £1K to spare. It”s nothing to do with luck.

If you trace it back, everything I have now, I have because, i was born into a well-off, middle class, white household, in an affluent part of the country where the schools were good, to loving parents who encouraged me to achieve in school. Later on in life I inherited a large sum from a relative and was able to buy a house.

I had nothing to do with any of that. That was just sheer luck that it happened to me. Doesn’t mean I haven’t also worked hard over my lifetime. But I can’t deny the fact that I started with a massive leg up on most people.

And I absolutely agree with whichever PP said good luck can also be the absence of bad luck. I’ve known people who had it all, until illness or unexpected death sent their life of in a completely different direction. Could happen to any of us at any time.

I think people like to tell themselves they have everything they’ve got thanks to their own brilliant hard work, because it reinforces the illusion of control. When the reality is that you could get a cancer diagnosis, or hit by a bus, or have a life-changing injury tomorrow.

I think it's relative.

I have some friends who I'm sure think I've been 'lucky' but I just made different choices to them. I bet the didn't think I was lucky when I was working full time, single, with two dc. But now my house is nearly paid off and I'm in a job I enjoy earning enough money to enable my lifestyle, my kids are happy and healthy, they probably think differently.

I also think luck is directly linked to outlook on life, if you're naturally a positive person, with a positive outlook then you see situations differently to those who might have a more negative outlook on life. Positive people may think they are lucky, negative people will always look on the downside of any situation.

I divorced a fair few years ago, dh had an affair, and was crap with money during our entire relationship, I ended up having to pay him off, pay half his debts etc, if I hadn't have had to do that I'd probably had a larger house, bigger car etc, but the way I see it, I had a lucky escape and I'm just as happy in a smaller house with a smaller car as long as my dc are happy. A negative person would be all doom and gloom about having a small house, could have been bigger etc, their life should be better.

@CherryPavlova - I had parents who offered me a stable home, space to study, a home full of books, they would spend time with me to talk about the world, about my homework, who would raise my aspirations. They helped me through university, they helped me again when I wanted to study law. Through all that time I was physically and mentally healthy, I didn’t suffer racism, I was surrounded by friends and love. I knew if I failed I had a safety net that would catch me - I could afford to take risks.

I could easily sit here and just write about the struggle - how hard I studied, late nights, effort, times I failed but got back up and tried again. I could easily be just as self congratulatory as some of the other people I’ve read on this thread. But to ignore the fact that everything I achieved got a huge boost from the luck of my background and circumstances would be absolutely crass. There are a lot of people out there who will have worked far harder than me but with none of my advantages, and they for no fault of their own they won’t have achieved as much because I got a massive leg up from the advantages of fate. I think we have to acknowledge that - life isn’t a Disney film where the hero always wins.

It isn’t completely either or.

Yes I am very lucky in being born to educated parents, have a quick brain, no disabilities etc. Which gets you off to a tremendous start. And someone who doesn’t have that has to work twice as hard to get half as far. But you then still have to choose to use your luck to maximise the potential for you.

I chose to work extremely hard at school to get the best grades I could and get into a top university. Worked hard at university and then deliberately chose a job that had high earning potential. Waved goodbye to a social life in my 20s whilst I worked to climb the ladder in my career and made a lot of personal sacrifices.

My sibling on the other hand is just as bright and had the same upbringing but decided not to put the discretionary effort in at school or university as socialising was more important to them. Then floated around on minimum wage jobs for a while having a fun social life before starting a career in an interesting but low paying industry. When we were teens to mid 20s they would tell me I was stupid for working so hard and why didn’t I just ease off. Twenty years down the load they moan that I am “lucky” that I have a high paying job and can afford things they can’t.

You need luck and hard work for what OP describes.
I know an extremely lucky man, lottery money, money from unknown relatives, random investors etc etc. And he's pissed it all way over and over again. Hard work is critical to make a success of your luck.

YANBU

It's dismissing all the efforts and work that has been put

and it's also boring to hear the usual "so if you are poor you don't work hard"
Not everything is a personal attack. Stating that someone who works in finance/healthcare/fashion doesn't mean that someone else doesn't work hard in a warehouse/factory/minimum wage role.

Yes, you are lucky you live in this country, but so is everybody else, who have access to the same free education, health care, etc..

I wonder if pretending that doing well is entirely down to luck is not a way to justify to yourself why you haven't done better.

@turkeyboots

You need luck and hard work for what OP describes. I know an extremely lucky man, lottery money, money from unknown relatives, random investors etc etc. And he's pissed it all way over and over again. Hard work is critical to make a success of your luck.

Yes, I agree, it is usually a bit of both, but you need the luck. Occasionally you get everything the op has mentioned and a shitload more with very little work. Nobody gets what she mentioned, no matter how hard they work, without at least some luck. Imo, obviously.

Very true

Whether someone is lucky or not is very difficult and I think someone would have to know someone else's situation very well to comment. I am a from a very poor background, and have a good career that I have worked very hard for. My husband is from a middle class background and yes that meant he got a little bit of help at the start he has had to work very hard to have the career he has and have a lifestyle home etc. While it is true it is slightly easier for some than others, I see where you are coming from it can seem a tad like someone is dismissing your hard work/determination when they say 'lucky'. However that being said most of the time it is a purely throwaway comment with very little behind it, so if I were you I would just explain that you have worked hard to get to where you are (to those who you want to know) and just ignore the other comments

It's a mixture. I know a lot of people who work hard but are not well off due to career choice (eg sil is a career, she adores her job and is totally dedicated but pay is dreadful!)

Our family business Is based on an industry my husband and his business partner both ended up working in when younger but was never a "choice" as such. Luckily they're pretty good at it. But the business is the result of a lot of hard work too. Pre Covid we did great but been hit hard...so there's that luck again!

From the Baz Luhrmann song 'Wear Sunscreen' which has so many great lines.

"Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's"

Of course YABU. No point in repeating 6 pages worth of posts, but it is like the idea of asking if something is nature or nurture - overwhelmingly, it will be a combination of both.

Yes, it can be annoying, when you have worked hard, and you see someone else (perhaps a sibling) who has had the same opportunities, upbringing, schooling, and has the same intelligence levels an amount of support from family but has chosen not to apply themselves like you have or work as hard however there is no way anyone with any amount of experience of other people's lives can genuinely think we all start with a level playing field and go through life with the same opportunities and the same amount of luck or good fortune.
Anyone who claims that must have real tunnel vision and live in a very small bubble.
Am amazed that so many have voted to agree with you.

Put it another way: you are in a low-paid job you hate. What do you do about it?
Some people will just moan and blame the lack of luck, others will do everything to move up.

Replace financial success with fitness, you don't get a body like Kayla Itsiness by wishing you looked the same and blaming your pregnancy. Using the "luck" card in this case is a complete cop-out.

I think the view that it's all down to luck comes from a mantra that I and many others were fed by supportive parents "you can achieve anything if you work hard enough". I honestly believed this and when I was doing well I thought it was all my own doing. As I've got older I've had some awakenings. Firstly I realised that some people will never have the ability to succeed academically - it doesn't matter how hard they work - sometimes it just isn't there. Succeeding without exams is possible but very very difficult. I work with people who do not have the ability to take on new tasks. They work really hard still but unfortunately I could never promote them. Secondly I had an autistic child and have learnt that for some people jumping after the next opportunity is not possible. When your life has to be governed by routine and structure it's hard to be spontaneous and take random opportunities. I was lucky that I was academic and able to jump after opportunities. I was also lucky I landed on my feet with an excellent employer and gained promotions. I have worked hard too but I always call myself lucky. If you don't think luck is involved that indicates to me that you've led a very lucky life.

It's dismissing all the efforts and work that has been put

No it isn't. Plenty of PPs have specifically said that acknowledging the role luck plays in success is in no way undermining role of hard work. They're not mutually exclusive.

Yes, you are lucky you live in this country, but so is everybody else, who have access to the same free education, health care, etc..
You'd have a point if we lived in a completely equal society... but we don't. There are a huge number of structural barriers in place which prevent people from achieving equality. People don't have access to the same level or quality of education.

I wonder if pretending that doing well is entirely down to luck is not a way to justify to yourself why you haven't done better.

Nobody has said success is only down to luck. We're just acknowledging that luck/chance plays a part.

Put it another way: you are in a low-paid job you hate. What do you do about it?
Some people will just moan and blame the lack of luck, others will do everything to move up.

That reminds me of the main character in One Day - I hated her!

@Camomila

*Put it another way: you are in a low-paid job you hate. What do you do about it? Some people will just moan and blame the lack of luck, others will do everything to move up.*

That reminds me of the main character in One Day - I hated her!

It reminds me of Maggie bloody Thatcher